Can You Teach Me How To Live?
by Manic-Catastrophe
Summary: Karkat Vantas has been brutally abused by his dad for his entire life, and has fallen into a deep depression. At his new high school, he meets Kanaya Maryam who tries to teach him that life has more to offer than the horrors he's experienced. T for language, excessive amounts of abuse, injury, and blood, as well as Karkat's wonderful vocabulary. KanKar in later chapters.
1. A Child Raised In Hell

Karkat stifled a groan as his upper eyelids detached themselves from their lower counterparts. A brief thought stumbled into his bleary mind as to why he had to stifle the groan. And then, he looked down. At his bruised, bleeding, scarred body. Ah, _that's_ why.

Examining the damage in his wall mirror, Karkat found last night's pattern of cuts. They were deep, angry lines weeping onto his thin torso. Twisting in just the right way, he found that the lines were letters that spelled out WORTHLESS. Great, nine one-inch letters carved into his right flank.

Stepping back slightly from the mirror, the young teenager examined his other scars. There were many of them, each spelling out an insulting word, each in the same deep, straight, one-inch letters. Noticing something hidden by his thin arm, Karkat turned to his left, craning his neck to see a purple and black bruise the size of… well, his dad's fist. _Oh God, please don't let it have broken a rib._ He had no such luck.

Awake as he was now, his nerves finally decided to start working again, all at once. Twisted as he was, he felt an icy spear of pain stab him in his bruised rib. No, scratch that, his _broken _rib. The shock of the pain was so sharp and sudden; it forced him to let a small cry of pain out. He stopped it before it could permeate the rest of his cramped apartment, suddenly wide awake.

Karkat glanced over at his alarm clock. 4:38 A.M. _Dammit! You stupid nimrod Karkat! You know he gets up at 5:00. There's no time for anything, just gotta get dressed and get the hell outta here!_ Looking through his closet, he let a minute twitch occur to a corner of his mouth. _Yeah, there are just so many combinations. I could wear grey, or grey, or maybe a nice grey. _

Putting on a shirt was an ordeal in and of itself. _Thanks Dad! Can't even lift my arm without nearly passing out. _Over the shirt went an unadorned black hoodie. Never mind the fact that it was supposed to be nearly 95° today. Glancing at the time, he felt the little color he had in his face drain out. The clock read 5:07 A.M. in dull red letters. _No, no, no, no, no! _A heavy thump sounded outside of his room, and the doorknob began to twist.

Adrenaline allowing Karkat to ignore his pain for a few seconds, he sprang into action. First, he shoved his chair under the handle. _That should hold him off for a few seconds._ Then, he charged over to his open window and dove out. Never mind the fact that he was in the third story of a concrete block. Wind whipped at his hair for a moment as his speed allowed him to experience a brief moment of flight, of freedom, before gravity's cruel hand pulled him down nearly twenty-eight feet to land on a small plot of dead grass.

As he hit the ground, Karkat made the mistake of trying to break his fall with his left arm. He felt the shock of impact make a beeline for his rib, actually losing consciousness for a second. When he came to, he saw his wrist was bent at an unnatural angle. _Shit! Is it broken? No, just dislocated._ Hissing in pain, Karkat made a fist with his dislocated hand and turned his wrist until it reconnected. The feeling of bone grinding on bone always made his cringe.

Now that he was in marginally less pain, he glanced around, making sure nobody saw. He felt his entire upper body drain of color when he saw a doctor-ish looking guy heading towards him. Quickly, he got himself on his feet and fled.

"Hey, kid! What happened?" The doctor-looking guy shouted after him. Karkat dodged around a corner of the building, then dove between two Dumpsters and curled into a ball at the wall. He heard the man run past him, still shouting for him to come back. He waited another ten minutes to be sure the witness was gone, then crept out from the canyon. To most people, two Dumpsters don't form a canyon, but Karkat was only 5 feet tall.

He avoided the side of the building his apartment was on as he made his way to the already busy street. He flipped up his hood to hide his thin face as he made his way down the thoroughfare. He had somewhere to be. This was his first day at Derse High School, and Dad sure as hell wasn't about to drive him anywhere.


	2. A Child Of Sorrow And Agony

Arriving at the gates of Derse High, Karkat couldn't help but notice that it was a very… odd looking school. All of the buildings were made of a shiny, dark purplish material, sort of like obsidian. Immediately stepping onto the campus, Karkat looked around. There were very few people there, seeing that it was only 7:34 A.M. School didn't start until 8:30, so he had nearly an hour to kill before entering a different kind of hell.

Standing in the middle of the walkway proved to be a rather poor choice. A large, football player-sounding guy shoved him from behind, "Outta my way, freshmeat!" Karkat turned around, recognizing the voice. _Oh God, please don't let it be him…_ Again, no such luck. Standing three feet away from him was one of his past tormentors, none other than Equius Zahhak.

From the looks of it, he hadn't changed much since Karkat last saw him two years ago. He was still grotesquely muscular, albeit more so. Judging by the odor wafting his way, the muscle-bound jock still hadn't discovered deodorant. Or showers, for that matter. Equius seemed startled to find his favorite punching bag at D.H.S., but wasted no time in reminding Karkat who was boss.

The first blow landed on Karkat's jaw. Fortunately, he was expecting it, so his jaw didn't break. Still, the force made his head spin and lights dance in front of his eyes. The second blow caught him right under his sternum, knocking the air out of his lungs. Karkat doubled over, gasping for air. Equius took the opportunity to strike him three more times: twice on his broken rib (though Equius didn't know it was _already_ broken) and finished with a knee straight to the balls. He smirked as he walked away, "I had nearly forgotten how much fun the kid is."

Karkat passed out when the second blow to his rib landed. He came to lying on the pavement. Glancing around, he noticed that there was a steady stream of people entering the gate, and a large crowd around campus. As usual, no one paid attention to him as he made his way towards what he assumed to be the restrooms. Had he not been looking at the ground, he would have noticed a female figure detach itself from the crowd and follow him. But, seeing as he had not looked up at the sky for years, he saw nothing by legs and feet.

Once inside the bathroom, Karkat inspected the damage to his jaw in the mirror. Equius' fist had left four distinct lines on his face, and it was already an angry purple. Exactly the same purple, Karkat noted, as Derse High. Retreating to a stall, he lifted up his hoodie and shirt, to inspect his rib. As the fabric lifted, it caught on something and the pain from it nearly made him shriek. Moving carefully, he revealed the wound, now with a large white shard of bone protruding from his skin.

_Oh, God. I can't go to the nurse with this, she'll ask questions that Dad will kill me if I answer. _Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a roll of medical tape, his life saver. Stuffing a wad of toilet paper in his mouth to bite on, he pushed the bone back into his torso, where it belonged. As soon as he touched it, the door to the bathroom slammed open, causing his hand to jerk in surprise. The bone twisted even more, and bright red blood began to make it slippery.

"Everything alright in there?" a deep male voice asked, evidently noting the dripping blood. Moving fast, again spurred by adrenaline, Karkat pushed the protruding rib back into place and bound his torso with medical tape. He removed the wad of paper from his mouth, wiped his bloody hands on it, and flushed it down the toilet.

"Y-y-yes sir, e-everything's fine. J-just a nosebleed." Karkat replied. His voice was hoarse from disuse, and fear made him stutter.

"Are you sure…? Seems like an awfully large amount for a nosebleed..," the voice replied. Karkat looked at the floor. His black Converse were planted in the center of a wide pool of hot, sticky blood.

Thinking fast, he replied, "Th-they do that with me. The b-blood mixes with mucus and makes it look like more…" he trailed off. He got a noncommittal grunt in reply. Karkat waited until the owner of the voice left before emerging to wash his hands. Finished with his ablutions, he exited the building.

Looking at his watch, he saw that he had 15 minutes left until class began. He pondered what to do before he was interrupted by a girl, another freshman by the looks. She was wearing a rather unique skirt that looked handmade. She spoke in a quiet, soft voice that made Karkat feel… something. Positive emotion had long since died within him.

"Um, excuse me for asking, but are you alright?" the girl asked him.

"What kind of a dumbass question is that, huh?" Karkat snapped, "I am fucking perfect right now, I've never been better. Now piss off!"

"Now we both know that that is a complete falsehood," the silky-smooth voice replied, sounding somewhat taken aback, "I saw you get beaten rather badly by that jock, no one is alright after that."

"Yeah, well, I _AM _FUCKING NOBODY! LEAVE ME ALONE!" Karkat was beginning to get scared. _She can't keep asking these questions! Dad will somehow find out and I'll really get it. _"Look, just go hang out with your friends, or something. I don't need you hovering over me like a mother hen!"

"There is no need to get upset, I'm just concerned for you. I can tell you are not alright. Your left jaw is swollen up twice the size of your right, and is the same purple as the wall. You are taking very shallow breaths, so I assume that a rib is broken. You were walking bowlegged earlier, so I assume that you were kicked in…" She paused in her monologue for a moment, "Well, if you suddenly decide to come to your senses, my name is Kanaya Maryam. Ask around for me."

_Wait, what? Maryam? Like the owner of half the city's land? Oh, God, what pit of snakes did I land in?_ Karkat's terrified ruminations were cut short by a canned bell emitting from the intercom system. He looked up, his neck cramping from being faced downward all the time. He was stunned at what he saw. Kanaya was pretty. **Very** pretty. He quickly turned and slipped between two tall guys as heat flooded his face.

He followed the crowd, seeing as it was the first day of school. The flood of humanity swept toward a large building, presumably the gymnasium. _So, an assembly of some sort._ That was just fine by him, he could make himself invisible in the crowd. He allowed himself to be carried along with everyone else, taking care not to breathe deeply or walk too fast. He didn't want his rib to hurt him more.

The tide carried him into the gym, and he took a seat in the very back of the bleachers. Scanning the gym, he saw someone he assumed to be a faculty member talking with Kanaya. She looked around the rapidly filling gym and saw him. Their eyes locked, and he pointed directly at him. _Oh, dear God please no._


	3. A Child Of Misfortune And Fear

Karkat's mind froze when he saw Kanaya pointing her delicate, manicured finger at him. The woman she had been talking to followed the invisible line made by her finger and saw him. _Sh-shit!_ She made a beeline towards him, and he panicked. _If they find out anything and call Dad, I don't even know what he'll do to me._ Lurching into motion, he climbed the fence-like railing on the bleachers that were there to prevent anyone from falling off. For the second time that day, he found himself briefly gaining a moment of freedom before the hand of gravity reasserted its ownership of him.

Luckily for Karkat, the drop was only ten feet. He landed feet first and bent his knees to dispel the force of the impact. His effort only worked partially, for his rib throbbed, making Karkat lightheaded and his vision dim. Recovering from the impact, he sprinted out the convenient door that happened to be three feet away from him. Ignoring the hideous pain his rib and head gave him, he sprinted through what appeared to be a locker room and out an exterior door. _Oh, God that hurts. But, if they catch me, I'll be hurting way worse than this tomorrow. _

Emerging into the now deserted courtyard, he wildly searched for the Dumpsters. He knew he could hide between or behind them if need be. And his black hoodie would be perfect camouflage against the shaded purple. Charging wildly, blindly ahead, he turned back to look at the door he had emerged from. It was closed. Still sprinting, he turned his head back around and-WHAM!

His head had clipped a metal pole supporting one of the shade structures. The shock alone brought stars dancing in his eyes. He felt his body stumble and land on the cement. Then, the pain hit him. "AHHHHHH! FUCKING HELL!" he shrieked, writhing in agony on the ground. A steady stream of expletives gradually faded into nonsensical babbling as he felt, no, heard, unconsciousness rush upon him. If anyone had been there, they would have had to look very hard to see him, crumpled up into a tiny ball on the ground, in a deep shadow against an obsidian wall. If someone _had_ seen him, they would have noticed a thick stream of blood running from his newly cracked skull into his hoodie.

_Karkat was standing in his kitchen, paralyzed with fear. His father was holding his "carving knife", ready for another round of "trimming". The shadowed figure advanced on Karkat, holding the long, thin, razor sharp knife in front of him. His arm blurred, Karkat felt a horrendous pain on his chest, and suddenly he was standing with blood running down his torso, eleven two-inch tall letters carved into his chest: ABOMINATION. He knew he was asleep, but he couldn't force himself to wake up. Distracted by the sound of harsh laughter, Karkat looked up at his dad. The shadowy figure split into three, which then continued to multiply until Karkat found himself surrounded by shadowy, laughing Dads. _

_ He began to hear them whisper at him: "You're nothing…", "You should die…", "Yes, die!", "Die!", "DIE!" The shadows all took up the chant. Suddenly finding himself able to move again, Karkat clamped his thin hands over his ears, but the chanting got louder still. Screaming now, he curled up into a ball on his bloodstained kitchen floor, rocking back and forth until the whispers ceased. _

Karkat awoke right as the bell rang, releasing a torrent of humanity from the gym. He attempted to move, but his head absolutely _throbbed_. Tentatively feeling his cranium with his one uninjured hand, he felt a warm, wet, sticky patch on the entire left side of his head. He probed to the center of the pool, and nearly passed out again. _No, I sure as hell am not going back there!_ Clawing his way back to reality, he realized what happened. _I… oh dear God, I broke my fucking head!_

He noticed he was in an out-of-the-way corner of the courtyard, steeped in shadow. He waited while the crowd dissipated, ready to head to the bathroom again. When the final bell rang, he waited five minutes and slowly got to his feet. No wave of blackness engulfed him, though his vision dimmed at the edges. Slowly, he limped over to the bathroom. This time, there was no caring observer to see the tiny figure make his way to the door. No one was there at all.

Once inside the bathroom, Karkat gathered paper towels and wet them in the sink, then wiped away the blood from his coal black hair. As the cold water gradually numbed the wound, he felt it with his right hand. _Good, it's not bad, just a crack. Damn, should have been more careful. What were you thinking Karkat? You stupid dumbass! Hey, here's a good idea: LOOK WHERE YOU'RE FUCKING GOING, DUMBFUCK!_ He finished cleaning his head, and decided that he would have to go to class. _Even with a goddamn head split open? Yes indeed, don't be a sissy Karkat. Any one of these people could take that without even blinking! Those shadows are right…_

"Oh, fuck, I don't even have a schedule. Where's the damn office?" Karkat cursed himself for his stupidity. Looking at a paper map stapled to a bulletin board, he found that the office was right across the courtyard. He carefully walked over to it, and sighed in pleasure as he opened the door and a wave of cold air greeted him. Appearing casual, he observed the office, seeing a short line of people to his left and a picture of last year's graduating class on the wall to his right. The strange thing was the fact that it was nearly silent in the large room. There was only a quiet whispering from the front of the line.

After waiting in the line for two minutes, Karkat was up at the receptionist's desk. "Karkat Vantas" he intoned, and the receptionist gave him his schedule. Glancing over it, he saw what classes he was placed in: 1st Hour: Algebra 1; 2nd Hour: Study Hall; 3rd Hour: Adv. Social Studies; 4th Hour: Adv. Fresh. English; 5th Hour: Biology; 6th Hour: SEE GUIDANCE FOR DETAILS.

_Huh, wonder what 6__th__ is about._ "Uh, excuse me? What's with my 6th hour class?"

"Oh, that? I don't know, you'll have to come back here then. Guidance is right down the hall, last door on the right. There's a plaque on it so you can't miss it. Now, get going to class!"

Karkat looked at the map on the back of his schedule and set off toward the one class that he actually liked. Math.


	4. A Child Of Insecurity And Loathing

**Author's Note: I suppose I should have said this in Chapter 1, but I don't own Homestuck, Andrew Hussey does. Insert more legal stuff here. Plot is all mine. Please review, as this is my first time publishing something. Enjoy Chapter 4: A Child Of Insecurity And Loathing**

Walking into 1st Hour Algebra 13 minutes late, Karkat mumbled his excuse to the teacher, some attractive woman with shoulder-length black hair, and took a seat in the fourth row of desks. Glancing around the room, he saw that while the walls were a bright, pure white, the teacher evidently made an attempt to make this room her home. There were posters detailing various algebraic graphs and functions, as well as a large cutout of the Betty Crocker spoon. Finally opening his ears, he heard his classmates conversing with one another. _Guess today really is screw-around day. _

He glanced at his desk and saw that it was already populated with a number of items. The one on top was obviously the course syllabus, but what the hell were all those other things? Taking a cursory glance at the syllabus, he saw that the teacher's name was Mrs. Crocker. Fascinating. That would explain the giant Betty Crocker spoon on the wall. Now in all too much pain, Karkat's brain decided to shut down until the end of class.

He was jolted awake by the tolling of the bell, 5 long, dolorous strokes. Groaning, he peeled his head from his desktop and got up to leave. "Wait just one moment there," Mrs. Crocker called from her desk, "I need your name to put into the seating chart."

"Karkat Vantas" he muttered, before leaving to get to 2nd Hour Study Hall. Which just so happened to be all the way across campus. Even walking as fast as he could bear, Karkat barely made it into the room before the same five strokes marked the beginning of class. The teacher at the front didn't even introduce himself, just launched straight into a speech, "Alright, this being study hall, we don't have any class work, but I do expect you to use your time wisely throughout the year…"

Karkat stopped paying attention to the droning teacher and instead, made his right arm a pillow, flipped up his hood, and went to sleep again. Or, at least he tried to. The person behind him decided it would be a good idea to get his attention by poking him in the side. Which just so happened to be where he had NINE FUCKING LETTERS CARVED INTO HIS DAMN FLESH!

The prod made Karkat jump, pain once again nearly dragging him under the surface. He twisted around, to glare at the person who poked him, only to see… "Oh, great, it's Miss Meddle In Other People's Business!"

"You know, I have done nothing to antagonize you. Why do you insist on being so rude all the time? I was simply attempting to help." The soft-spoken Kanaya replied.

"No, you were sticking your nose where it doesn't belong. I told you before, I don't need you hovering over me like a mother hen!" Karkat was nearly shouting at this point, anger turning his face red and fear sucking the color out of it just as fast.

Kanaya simply went on talking, "Earlier today in the gym, why did you run away? The staff couldn't find you anywhere."

"I- that's none of your business! How many times do you have to be told to leave me alone!?" _This is bad. Really bad. Soon she'll be asking questions about home, or even worse, wanting to walk me home or something. I have to get her to stop this!_ "K-Kanaya, you don't need to worry about me. I'm f-fine."

"No, you're most definitely not alright. Your face is whiter than the walls in this room, you're twisted in a way that your broken rib is being compressed, you're stuttering, so you must be afraid of something, and your eyes are unfocused and glazed over. You aren't _well_."

Quivering in terror, Karkat tried to sound as calm as possible, "I am a-absol-lutely fine. Never been b-better. Now leave me alone." He turned back around, twitching from the pain of his head and rib.

Now sounding absolutely stricken, Kanaya stated, "Well, if you won't put any concern into your own well-being, I guess the onus falls on me." She stood up, "Also, by the way, what's your name?"

"My name is worth less than the dirt on the bottom of your shoes, Miss Meddlesome."

Kanaya sounded close to tears now, "How can you talk about yourself like that? Every single person is worth more than the entire world! And, you didn't even answer my question. Why is it so hard to tell me your name?"

Karkat stood up and looked at her. This drew no attention as half the class was meandering around the room. Kanaya had tears sparkling in her bright green eyes, looking like tiny emeralds. She stood head and shoulders above him, but he was past caring, "You talk to me like I am someone. Like I'm someone worth knowing. Someone worth your time. But I'm not. I am NOBODY! You hear me? I am not worth the precious minutes you've wasted on me. Go talk to someone worthy of existence!"

Karkat watched as Kanaya slumped into her chair and buried her face in her hands. Unsurprisingly, he didn't feel a shred of remorse. He felt no emotion, only a cold, hard knot in his chest. He sat down and waited through the rest of study hall, dozing on and off. When class ended, Kanaya was already gone. _Good._

_**KANAYA P.O.V.**_

__ Kanaya just looked at him, a five-foot tall 13 year old standing in a posture that anyone could recognize. It was the posture of someone who had given up in every way imaginable. "W-what was _done_ to you? Why are you like this?" she choked out. She felt hot tears spill out from her eyes, and her heart felt constricted. She tried to say more, but she just choked on her throat. Kanaya sat back at her desk, hiding her face in her hands. It was obvious that something was going on with him, and she was determined to remove that from his life. _Strange. I don't even know his name and I'm sitting in the middle of study hall bawling my eyes out for him. Well, one thing is for certain, he needs me._

Slowly, she regained control of her emotions, packing them back into her soul. She studied the sleeping boy in front of her, so obviously in unbearable physical and emotional torment. Kanaya laid a hand on the unnamed boy's back, right between his shoulder blades, in an attempt to give him some measure of comfort. She felt his instantaneous reaction: his entire body tensed, going on "high alert". Strangely, the back of his hoodie was wet. Soaked actually. Curious, she removed her hand to inspect the liquid. As she turned her palm towards her, she recoiled in shock and horror. Her hand was crimson with sticky blood.

She quickly reached into her bag and got out a bottle of hand sanitizer and a small packet of tissues. She vigorously cleaned her hands and meticulously wiped the blood off her hands. Then, she got up out of her seat and glanced around. They were sitting in the back of the class, and no one was looking at them. Carefully, she stepped forward to the boy's desk. With surgical precision, she removed his hood and started lightly probing for a wound.

She found it within seconds, seeing as half of his head was swollen up, though hidden by his beautiful, shiny black hair. _Is this why no one found him? It's certainly why his eyes were unfocused and glazed over, but this is seriously a life-threatening injury. _Once again, she felt tears well up in her eyes as she contemplated what kind of pain the thin, short boy in front of her had been dealing with. _He's strong. He didn't once even show a sign that he was in pain. And he is going to classes with a cracked skull? I have got to get to the bottom of this. _

She felt the young man stir in his seat, so she replaced his hood, gathered her possessions, and left the room right as the bell tolled. _I need to report this to guidance. Something's going on with him and- oh, no, I can't report it! He still wouldn't tell me his name! He sure is paranoid, and scared to death to open up his heart. _Kanaya glanced at her schedule: 3rd hour: Adv. Social Studies with a Mr. Strider. _Well, one thing's for certain: that boy has got to get some help. I'm afraid he's going to do something bad. I need to teach him about living._


	5. A Child Of Darkness, A Child Of Light

Karkat shuffled through his growing pile of papers for his schedule. Ah, there it was. Third Hour: Adv. Social Studies with Mr. Strider. Flipping the paper over, he found that the room was only on the other side of the building. He started off in that direction, but paused when an unexpected grumble erupted from his stomach. _Shit, that won't be awkward at all in the middle of fucking S.S. class. Although, when did I last eat?_ Karkat thought about it for a moment. _Certainly not this morning, and probably not last night. Maybe… breakfast yesterday?_ It seemed to fit.

Gritting his teeth against the noise, the glare off the walls, and his split head, Karkat set off to Mr. Strider's room. The crowd swirled around him, the chaos compounded by his height. Eventually, it thinned as he approached his next class. The room was in an area on campus that had very little traffic; the only people there were in classes within the little mini-courtyard. Glancing around, he found his room, but- _Oh great. She's here, too? How long is she going to try to "help" me? I already told her to leave me alone!_

The door flew open from the inside, allowing Karkat and his class to enter the room. A voice, presumably the teacher's called out, "Whatever seat you sit in, it's your seat for the whole fuckin' semester, got it?" The class seemed taken aback by his language, but quickly decided that this must be a "cool" teacher. Karkat ambled over to the desk closest to the door and made like he was going to sit down. Quick as a whip, Kanaya was sitting in the seat next to his. So, Karkat walked as far away from her as he could get and sat there. _There, she's out of the picture for this class. But, wait, fuck! I'm sitting right in the front! Shit, can't switch either._

Glancing back at Kanaya, he was somewhat surprised to find her smiling softly at him, meeting his disgusting, freakish red eyes with her brilliant emeralds. He turned around as quickly as he dared, mind blank. _Wh-what the FUCK? The pity is bad enough, but now she's playing the "genuine care" card too? Why? What can she possibly see in me? What can she see in a weak, worthless piece of shit like me?_

As Karkat beat his fist on his desk in confusion, Mr. Strider began speaking from his desk, "Alright, here's some ground rules. Pretty basic stuff: no shouting; no throwing stuff; no vandalism, y'know, the damn school rules. Damn, you've heard all this shit three times already. I have one class rule: You call me Dave, or Strider. No goddamn titles in here…"

Karkat once again ceased paying attention to the rambling teacher, opting to inspect the room. Nearly every square inch of wall space was covered in record album covers. _Oh great a fucking DJ as a teacher. Nice job D.H.S_ , _really pulled through with this one._ His inspection of the room continued as Strider began to call out what sounded like attendance. Surprisingly, his name was the first one he called out.

"Karkat Vantas?" Strider called. Karkat gave a noncommittal grunt, but to no avail. "I'm afraid that won't cut it Karkat. Were you even listening?' At this, half the class suddenly stopped chattering, all of them paying attention. "I was just saying that since this is a _social_ studies course, we should all get to know each other a bit first. You are to stand up, introduce yourself, tell us your age, and something we should know about you. Got it now?"

As the class made various noises of assent, Karkat realized that this was an unexpected trap. _But why are you so reluctant to let her know your name? That won't cause too much trouble, right?_ Realizing he was stuck no matter what, he decided to just give in. He stood up, but that made no difference as to how easy he was to see. "I'm Karkat Vantas, 13 years old." He sat down, but damn Strider wouldn't let it rest.

"I think you left out something Karkat. What do you want us to know about you?"

"There is nothing more that you need to know about me, you ignorant fuck!"

"Are you sure?" Dave just wouldn't let it rest, "There must be something."

"I am ONE HUNDRED PERCENT sure that there is NOTHING you need to know about me!" Karkat was fully aware of the consequences of revealing any information about his life, or suggesting he was in a less than ideal situation.

Once, his dad had restrained him on the floor while he carved I WILL DIE BEFORE TELLING PEOPLE ANYTHING into his back. Karkat had been at school, and attempted to drop hints that he was living in hell. Somehow, his dad found out and went berserk that afternoon. He had left Karkat tied to the floor as the blood flowed from his wounds. Hours later, when Karkat had nearly slipped into anemic shock, hid dad decided to keep him awake by upending a bottle of rubbing alcohol onto him. He was in third grade at the time.

_**KANAYA'S P.O.V.**_

Kanaya carefully watched the unnamed young man as they filed into the classroom. Mr. Strider's instructions for finding a seat actually made it easy for her to find a seat next to her unwilling charge. She sat down in the chair next to him, only to turn and see him walk as far away as possible from her and sit there. Since she could not see his face, she studied his posture when gaps in the shrinking crowd would allow. He sat slumped over, seemingly trying to protect his front torso from blows. She saw him turn to look at her, and she finally saw his eyes. Before, they had always been shadowed by his hood. But, when reflecting the light, she saw that they were a beautiful, deep ruby color. Even looking at them brought a small smile to her face. _Such a wonderful color. _

Quickly, she studied his face, brought into the light for the first time since she had seen him. She was expecting something that would prove her suspicions unfounded. She wanted to be wrong about him. But she could tell right away that his life was hell in one way or another. His face was pulled tightly over the bones. The skin was an unhealthy, pale white that made her want to cry just to look at it. But best, and worse, were his eyes. They were, as she had previously seen, a brilliant ruby red. But, they were sunken deep into the sockets and had large dark bags under them.

As he began to turn away, she noticed another thing: his eyes had large blood vessels running through them. _But… you only see those in women who have given birth, or in people who have undergone extreme physical pain. But to see them in someone so young…_ she gasped aloud. _He-he's been abused, maybe still is. How can he go on, even in the way he is now?_ She was brought out of her ruminations when Mr. Strider began to talk.

"Alright, here's some ground rules. Pretty basic stuff: no shouting; no throwing stuff; no vandalism, y'know, the damn school rules. Damn, you've heard all this shit three times already. I have one class rule…"

The monologue continued for several minutes, while he detailed the objectives of the course, major projects within the class, and the day's activity. As he talked, most people ceased listening to him, but Kanaya kept her ears open, but her eyes on the small, pain-filled boy in the front row. He was looking around the classroom, and from his body language, he was not impressed.

"Karkat Vantas?" Strider called. Kanaya heard a tiny noise come from somewhere in the room, but couldn't place it. "I'm afraid that won't cut it Karkat. Were you even listening?" He began re-explained the day's activity, and she saw the small, tense, hooded figure tense up even more. Then, to her delight, she saw _him_ stand up. _So, that's your name. Karkat. _She let the name roll around in her head as he spoke. _Such a wonderful sounding name. I wish he would have just told me during study hall. _

Kanaya was startled out of her reverie when Karkat began to yell: "I am ONE HUNDRED PERCENT sure that there is NOTHING you need to know about me!" She watched as he threw himself down into his seat and the next person got up. _He sure is afraid to open up at all._

When her turn came, she was about to start speaking, but before she could, five long, deep tolls of the bell came, and anything she might have said was lost in the noise. She picked up her bag and left the room. Looking at her schedule, she noticed her fourth hour class was algebra, all the way across campus. Glancing behind her, she saw Karkat exit Strider's room, rifling through his stack of papers. He glanced up, saw her, and turned away. To most people's eyes, he would have appeared normal as he walked to the corner of the building. But Kanaya saw what most people wouldn't: his entire body was quaking in fear.


	6. A Spark Of Life In The Void

Karkat walked away from Strider's room quaking in terror. _She's going to tell someone. I know she is. She somehow knows what's going on. I really really fucking hope I don't have English with her._ As he walked, he shuffled through his growing stack of papers for his schedule. Glancing at the room number, he saw that the English classes had their own building, which happened to be right next to the math building. _If Kanaya is in that fucking room I am turning around and ditching._

All of this took place in a few seconds. He started to walk out of the small courtyard the way he had come in, but decided to go around the other side of the building when he saw Kanaya in that direction. He could feel her gaze as he rounded the corner, nearly breaking out into a run before the excessive pain in his head forced him to stop.

Looking around, Karkat saw that he was in a sort of tunnel; there was about ten feet between the building and the school wall which had no apparent use. The ground was not concrete, unlike most of the campus, but it was actually a well manicured lawn. Looking around, Karkat saw that there was nobody else in this little grassy walkway. He paused for a moment, but was startled into action by the warning bell. He had to get to class.

The fifth stroke of the bell had just sounded as Karkat got through the door, light headed from his wounds. Looking out at the room, he was relieved to see that Kanaya was not, in fact, in this class too. Most people were still milling about the class, inspecting the posters on the walls or the small collection of books in a case. Some select few had already claimed their seats. _Probably the ones who actually care about the class._

Karkat made a beeline to the best seat in the class, the corner desk next to the door. He had just sat down in it before a voice, he assumed the teacher's, rose above the ruckus. "Alright, alright. Sit down now and we can cover a few basic ground rules." The owner of the voice turned out to be a tall, rather attractive blonde woman. _Oh, fan-fucking-tastic! Now half the guys in the class will be fantasizing about her. Probably a few girls too! _

"So, first off, my name is Ms. Lalonde. Welcome to Freshman English. It is always a fresh start when a new school year begins, but it is especially important for you as this is now high school." Karkat attempted to zone out and fall asleep, but his body had decided that it was no longer tired. "My classroom rules are simple: You are to act like mature adults in my room. What this entails is not up for interpretation however. This means, no swearing, no interrupting _anyone_ when they are talking, raise your hand to ask a question and WAIT to ask until I call on you."

The students in the room gave a collective moan of dismay at her next statement, "I've been told that I am a strict teacher, that I'm no fun. Frankly, I am fine with that. I'm not here to run a social hour; I am here to teach English. If any of you have a problem with that, you can leave now." She surveyed the class expectantly, waiting for someone to get up. When no one did, she looked pleased. "Well, now that we've gotten that out of the way, I have an activity planned for today. Each of you is going to write a letter to yourself about your feelings of going into high school. These will not be read by anyone other than you, which you will not read until the end of senior year." As Ms. Lalonde spoke, she counted out a number of papers, which she distributed to the front of each row to be passed back.

Upon hearing those words, the class perked up slightly. Karkat didn't care either way. _It's just a stupid 'let's build school spirit' exercise. _When he received his sheet of lined paper, Karkat dug around in his hoodie pocket for a pencil. Finding one, he started to write.

_Dear Worthless Fuckass,_

_Today is the first day of freshman year. So far, it sucks. I managed to snap a rib, dislocate my wrist, and CRACK MY FUCKING HEAD OPEN! There also is a girl who follows me around named Kanaya. I think she might like me, but I sure hope not. If she does, she won't for long if she ever finds out about home life. My teachers are crazy and my fucking head hurts so bad I'm fighting to stay conscious. Anyways, you can go fuck yourself._

_Fuck you, Worthless Piece of Shit_

He folded it in half and taped it shut, just as instructed. Then, he made for Ms. Lalonde's desk to turn it in, but someone's foot somehow ended up tangled in his legs, tripping him. His letter was held in his uninjured hand, so his natural reflex was to catch himself with his left hand. He realized his mistake too late to rectify it, and simply gritted his teeth in anticipation. When the shock came, he nearly passed the fuck out in the middle of class. The force snapped his head forward, and a drop of blood flew onto the letter.

He picked himself up gingerly, not wanting to put pressure on his hand. As he resumed his course, he heard a poorly veiled snicker, amplified by the near-silence of the room. When he got to her desk, she instructed him further. "Here is an envelope. Put your letter in there, seal it, and put your name on it. Then, put it in the box." She gestured to a hard plastic container, able to hold presumably hundreds of letters. Karkat did as instructed, nearly blinded by pain, and returned to his seat.

The rest of class passed quickly, Karkat's stomach making a rather fascinating conversation partner. _Stupid stomach. Why do you always want to eat, huh? That's all you ever fucking want. Well, sorry, I have neither food nor money to buy it. Suck it up, Karkat, don't be a little sissy ass bitch. Why the fuck would you even think you deserved food? _He was jolted out of his internal monologue by the bell, releasing them to their lunch hour. The class nearly instantly vacated the room, Karkat reluctantly following. _Great, _she'll_ be out there._

As it turned out, Kanaya was not right outside the door. Somehow, Karkat had expected she would be. He made his way to the cafeteria, somewhat surprised that there was no outside eating space. The smell of warm food made Karkat's stomach absolutely gurgle, but he had no money to buy it with, nor any _real_ appetite. He hurt too much to keep anything down. Finding a table in one corner of the large room, he sat down and examined his stack of papers.

Many of them were notices detailing various clubs, sports, or other extracurricular activities. Yet, hidden among the trash, there were some notices of importance. For instance, there was a shortened version of the student handbook, a notice detailing when all freshmen had to have all of their textbooks checked out, but the one thing that made Karkat actually _long_ for something was the flyer about the Start of School dance.

The front side of the flyer was a picture of what he assumed was last year's dance, seeing as the obsidian colored walls were present on the edges. He looked at the people, jealous of their carefree expressions, their unscarred skin, and their joy. For the first time in years, he actually felt like life had more to offer him than that which he had experienced. Quickly though, he suppressed those thoughts. _Not a good idea to think like that, dumbfuck. _

In a corner as he was, it was difficult for him to be spotted, but he could see the entire room. Scanning the writhing, noisy mass, he wondered why Kanaya wasn't in it. Heaving a sigh of relief, he began studying the grain of the wooden table he was sitting at when the door to his side opened, and in walked- "Oh, hello there Karkat!"- Kanaya.

"How many times do I have to FUCKING TELL YOU? Leave me the fuck alone!" Karkat had to shout to be heard over the noise, "I tell you over, and over, and over, but no, it can't seem to get through your thick skull that I AM AS DAMN WELL AS I EVER CAN BE!" Panting, Karkat got up from the table and made for the door, trying to shoulder past Kanaya, but she caught him by his sleeve.

"It would seem that more _things_ get through your skull than mine. Well, right now at least."

Karkat froze, slowly lifting his gaze to meet hers, "Who the fuck do you think you are, huh? I didn't ask you to follow me around, I didn't ask you to hover over me, and I certainly didn't tell you anything like that!"

"No, you didn't, not verbally at least. But your body language suggested that-"

"I don't give a FUCK what my 'body language' suggested! LEAVE ME ALONE!"Attempting for the second time to shove past her, he failed again. "Get the FUCK off of me, now." He met her stare once more, this time glaring daggers at her.

"Wait, have you eaten anything? I see no trash or even crumbs on your table… Are you going to eat?"

"I, uh, I'm not hungry," Karkat muttered. His stomach, however, had a different thing in mind. It let loose a sound so loud it could be heard over the uproar in the cafeteria.

"Oh, sure. I do think your stomach did not get the memo on that. Wait here, I'll go get you some food." With that, Kanaya put him back in his seat, a little forcefully if truth be told, and set off toward the various lines.

_**KANAYA'S P.O.V.**_

Kanaya caught Karkat's shoulder as he tried to take the route of easiest escape. When he turned to glare at her, her observations in Social Studies were confirmed: his face was indeed gaunt, his eye sockets were sunken deep, and his eyes had blood vessels running through. Now that she could see him up close, she inspected his eyes themselves. As she looked, she saw terror, agony, and self-loathing in them. But, most of all, she saw hunger. Not just physical hunger either; this was a boy who desperately _craved_ love, care, and kindness.

She was not surprised by his protests; his arguments were simply a product of the hell his life seemed to be to her. Kanaya knew that she could not heal his wounds easily, if at all. But, she could take care of his hunger. "I'll go and get you some food. With that, she was off.

Seeing the line from this far away, Kanaya knew that by the time she got back, Karkat would be long gone. Gritting her teeth against the necessity of breaking the rules, she held her head high and let an air of authority envelop her. As she walked past, her line cutting drew a few looks, but she exuded confidence and certainty. Not even the security guards bothered her. _Well, there is the value of looks. If people see purpose, they will not question it._

Quickly scanning the food for sale, she decided to buy as much food as she could carry. The lady at the register raised an eyebrow, but Kanaya simply said, "There's a meeting going on." Kanaya paid and walked back to where she had left Karkat, the slim-figured girl drawing more than a few stares with an armload of food. Unsurprisingly, Karkat was gone. Sighing, Kanaya left through the doors to go and find him.

The first place she thought to look was in the small courtyard outside of Mr. Strider's classroom. No one was there. She recalled that he had turned around the building's corner; away from where she had been. She had also seen nobody going to or coming from that area. She rounded the corner, and there he was, thirty feet away.

"Dammit, I thought I gave you the slip." Karkat looked furious with himself. He beat his forehead with his fist, berating himself: "Stupid, stupid, stupid!"

"Look, I know that you're hungry, and I already ate, so don't let this food go to waste," Kanaya reasoned with Karkat. He looked questioningly at the load of food she carried,then turned around.

"I-I didn't actually think you'd do that. But my only question is why?" Karkat asked, not so much her, but more thinking aloud, "We both know that I'm not worth shit, so why?" he spun around. "Why?" he repeated in a choked voice. Kanaya noticed he had tears in his marvelous ruby eyes.

Sitting down on the grass, she laid out the food as she answered. "First off, you are not worthless. Get that thought out of your head, right now. As to why I'm doing this, if you can't figure that out then you are in a sorrier state than I ever thought." Karkat looked surprised at this. Kanaya could tell he was sorely tempted by the food, and his stomach gave another loud grumble.

"I-I guess I could… maybe… eat something…" Karkat said, fear now in his voice. "I just can't get the thought out of my head that this is all just a joke. That you're just trying to lift me up a bit before you drop me." As he spoke, his body started shaking again, his voice grew thick and choked, and the tears dropped from his eyes.

Seeming to be torn between his warring body and soul, Kanaya decided to put an end to it for him. Unwrapping the cellophane from a sandwich, she walked over to him and when he tried to speak again, she shoved the food into his open mouth. She watched as he tried to talk for a few seconds, but then his jaw started moving in a rhythmic way, chewing. He took the sandwich in his hand and wolfed it down in two more bites, hardly stopping to chew. His body was filled with the primal need to _feed_.

Kanaya pointed back to the pile remaining on the grass. Karkat followed her gesture and nearly tackled the food. He ate as fast as possible, his mind no longer in control. Kanaya watched as the large pile of food was poured into his rapidly opening and closing mouth. _How long has it been since he last ate?_ She contemplated this for the next five minutes while Karkat managed to cram multiple sandwiches, no less than three apples, and about four packages of cookies into his body. He stood up from the scattered remnants of his voracious eating and looked right into her eyes.

They were still filled with pain and fear, but the hunger that was present before was gone. There was, in its place, a small spark of life. _See, Karkat, life does exist outside of whatever hell you are in._ As she watched, a small smile appeared on his thin face. The change made him nearly unrecognizable. His entire face glowed, his eyes sparkled and danced. For a brief instant, Kanaya believed she had never seen something so beautiful in her life. Then, the moment passed. The difference was as if a cloud had rolled over the sun. He was once again a small, pained, fearful boy. But she had brought him to life, if only for an instant.


	7. Kindness Is A Stranger

Karkat stood up, glancing at the remnants of his first meal in 30 hours. His body was full and his numerous injuries felt marginally better. He turned and saw Kanaya get to her feet. He felt unusual, as his body was unaccustomed to a meal that large. Slowly, he felt himself smile. It was a small one, but his face felt completely different for those few moments. Kanaya was looking at him with a strange look on her face. Then, the moment faded, but the memory was lodged in the forefront of his mind.

"What are you looking at Kanaya?" Karkat asked tentatively.

"Oh, I-I've haven't seen you smile yet. You look good when you do." Kanaya said. While she spoke, a light blush crept onto her face. She must have felt it, because she looked down, hiding her face behind her hair. Kneeling, she began to gather the left over trash from the grass.

Karkat knelt beside her, although far more cautiously than she, and finished the job. While he worked, he spoke. "I still don't know why you did that, but thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you." He turned to face her, his eyes shining. "I'm not sure, but I think it's almost time for-" He was interrupted by the bell, signaling the end of lunch. _As if triggered by my thoughts themselves. But it's not like they could actually change anything._ When the tolling ended, he and Kanaya stood and started walking back towards the small courtyard. "So, uh, what's your next class, Kanaya?"

"I believe it is Biology with a Mr. Egbert."

"Well, what a coincidence, I'm there too. I think the Science building is next to the Math and English buildings." Walking a little faster now, they both exited the quiet peace of the 'tunnel' and re-entered the land of noise and chaos. Karkat felt Kanaya behind him as he wove through the growing crowd, but disobeyed his instinct to get away from her. That decision was nearly abandoned as he felt her place a hand on his shoulder. He tensed up, his body expecting a beating, but she just gave him a quick pat and removed her hand.

They got back to the main courtyard as the warning bell rang. _Two minutes to class._ Kanaya was still behind him, but Karkat no longer needed to fight his instincts to run. They had sensed that she was not a threat. Before going in, he turned, "What is your sixth hour class?" he asked, still sounding fearful of opening a conversation, "My schedule only says SEE GUIDANCE."

"I am afraid that I don't know what that means," Kanaya answered, "But it might be to select an elective if you haven't already."

"Okay, that would make sense." They walked into the classroom, Karkat holding the door for Kanaya. When inside, they both paused, startled by the wall decorations. One half of the wall space was covered in biology-themed posters: cell structure, DNA structure, enzymes, stuff like that. But the other half was taken up with movie posters. Karkat didn't know any of the movies, as he had never been to one, but judging by Kanaya's chuckle, they must have been a strange choice.

Quickly, they found seats in the middle of the room, Karkat sitting next to Kanaya. He noticed her laughing softly, and leaned over to her. "What's so funny?"

"Oh-j-just the movie pos-posters," Kanaya laughed out, "They're all really bad romantic comedies."

"Oh. I didn't really know. I don't really watch a lot of movies."

Kanaya looked like she was about to respond, but before she could, Mr. Egbert started talking from his desk in the back, "Alright everybody, settle down. I know you're all excited to see me, but keep the noise down please." At this, most of the class laughed. Karkat had never heard, or seen, someone quite as strange as his new biology teacher. His voice was about an octave higher than could be expected from a man of his height and build. It was an excited, slightly distracted sounding voice. _I bet he's a bit ADHD_, Karkat thought, seeing as the teacher was nearly bouncing as he walked down the center aisle.

"Okay, you all know the school rules by now. If you don't, they're up on _that_ poster there." He gestured at it. "Other than those rules, I don't have any other rules. I like to operate on a first-name basis here, and that goes both ways. You can call me John." At this he grinned. His teeth, especially his top front teeth, were pure white and very slightly too big. "In this class, we will _obviously_ learn biology, but I think it is more important for you to learn _science_ than anything else in here."

Intrigued, Karkat leaned a bit closer to the front, along with the rest of the class. John continued, "While all of you need to learn biology, I feel that it's necessary to have a comprehensive understanding of how science works. That means you all have to be prepared to be wrong with your answers. _Science_ is not the method you've been taught. In reality, there are only three steps which are repeated in a cycle.

"First, a hypothesis is made, then an experiment is conducted, and the data is analyzed. From the data, the hypothesis is supported or altered, and the process repeats. When the outcome matches the hypothesis for enough experiments, the hypothesis becomes a theory. This also is why there is no such thing as _proof_ in science. The reason being is that while an outcome may be constant forever in the past, there is _no_ certainty that it _will_ always remain the same." As he spoke, Karkat became more and more interested. _He certainly is passionate about this_.

John finished his monologue and looked at the time. "Oh, is it already 2:15? You guys, you let me get on a tangent." Looking out at the class, he added in a stage whisper, "I tend to do that a lot."

The class laughed once more as the bell rang. Karkat stood up and left the room, walking right next to Kanaya. "Well, that certainly will be an interesting class." Karkat noted.

"It certainly will be. Look, I'm sorry, but I need to run. My final class is all the way across campus. See you later!" With that, Kanaya was off. Karkat sighed and walked across the large courtyard and into the office. Turning to the right, he walked down the hallway to the door labeled 'Guidance'. He knocked on it twice, lightly, but hearing no response, he knocked louder.

"Come in!" a muffled voice called. Karkat turned the handle and walked into the counselor's office. "Please sit down." A woman at the desk intoned. Karkat took a seat and studied the counselor. She was wearing a wide-brimmed hat that hid her features, at least until she looked up. "My name is Mrs. Noir, but my friends call me Snowman," she said, extending her hand.

"Good to meet you Mrs. Noir," Karkat answered, ignoring the proffered hand. "Why exactly am I here right now?" he inquired.

The counselor had wrinkled her forehead when the young man sitting in front of her had called her by her professional name. "Well, originally, you were set to come here because you had no elective chosen, but a much more serious issue has been brought to my attention." Mrs. Noir leaned over the desk towards Karkat. "Is there anything you'd like to offer beforehand so that I don't have to pull every bit from you?"

Karkat completely ignored her question and asked his own, "Did Kanaya come in here about this?"

Mrs. Noir looked surprised at his guess. "Why, yes she did. How did you know?"

"She was late to lunch and came through the set of doors closest to this building. I was sitting right by them."

"Well, Ms. Maryam came in here because she was concerned about you. Any ideas why she would be?

"Absolutely no damn idea why. Can I just pick an elective and leave now?"

"I'm afraid I can't allow you to do that yet Mr. Vantas." Mrs. Noir stood up. She surprised Karkat by not locking the door, however. As she stood, Karkat quickly peered at her face, trying to see it. He failed, as it was still shadowed by her hat. "Does your father drink, Karkat?" She started to pace the area behind her desk.

Startled by this question, he was relieved he could answer it truthfully. "He hates alcohol. Says it rots the mind." _He hates a lot of things_.

As if she read his mind, the next question was harder to answer, "What else does your dad hate Karkat?" She looked at him with a piercing gaze.

Karkat gulped. "I-I don't see that as a relevant question. Can we stay on topic here?"

"This _is_ the topic here. It's relevant because Kanaya suspects that your father is abusing you. So the question is: does your dad abuse you?" She waited for an answer. Failing to receive one, she continued. "Does he abuse you?"

"No"

"Does he kick you? Does he starve you? Does he scream at you?"

"No, no and no." Karkat was sweating bullets now, but he still had not told anything. "This is irrelevant and wasting time. Let me go."

"Karkat, I know I can trust Kanaya. She knows what she is talking about. Her sister is a psychology professor and he mother a businesswoman. She knows how to read people like a book. If she says something is wrong with you, I'm inclined to believe her." She sat back down and looked at him expectantly.

"I said this before and I'll say it again, THERE IS NOTHING WRONG!"

Disappointed, Mrs. Noir made a little note on her computer. While she typed, she spoke. "I'm afraid that is not going to work Mr. Vantas. Since you are unwilling to tell me anything, I can't allow you to register for an elective yet."

"WHAT THE FUCK!"

"There is no need for that kind of language Mr. Vantas. This actually is in the staff regulations: we need to know if there are any problems at home. It's a security concern. We have reasonable suspicion to believe that there is something going on. Until you choose to tell us, though, you'll have to come here every day for sixth hour."

"All of you 'suspicion' is based off of the word of ONE GIRL! There is nothing going on. I'm fine!" Karkat was petrified with fear, but kept it from slipping into his voice. _Oh, god, my head feels like it's going to fucking explode. _

"Not just the word of Kanaya, I have my own reasons, too."

"Like what?"

"I can see that your face is as white as a sheet, your eyes are sunken in and shot through with ruptured blood vessels, your breathing is shallow, and you are terrified to answer even my most simple questions." She made another note on her computer. "Well, I do hope you'll come to your senses. We are here to help you."

"I don't need any help." With that, the bell rang, signaling the end of school. Karkat got up and walked out of the office, for once eager to get home. _I need some pain medicine. I can't even think straight._ He walked down the sidewalk and through the gates. _Alright, you waste of space, get home._ He started to walk down the street, but was stopped by Kanaya waving at him from a car.

"Karkat, get in here. We'll take you home!" Karkat shook his head, hoping to stall long enough that the driver would get impatient and leave. Kanaya turned around and presumably said something to the driver before getting out. "Well then, I'll walk you home."

"That really isn't necessary Kanaya. Go on home. I can get back just fine." _See, she's offering to walk you home! Dad will literally kill you if he thinks you have a friend- wait! I have a friend? I suppose Kanaya is._

Kanaya looked at him sadly, and then got back into the car. Quickly, it pulled away from the curb. Karkat turned again to walk home, and got about a hundred feet before he walked straight into Equius as he rounded the corner of the walls.


	8. As Different As Night And Day Part 1

**Author's Note: So I am in a bit of a dilemma. There are a couple of the ancestors I want to introduce, but they only have titles. Fortunately, The Dolorosa is easy to extract a real name from. Is Rosa a good name for Kanaya's mother? Porrim is obviously her sister. I am not planning on naming or describing Karkat's dad; I want to leave him in shadow, just like Mrs. Noir/ Sn0wman (She needed a last name). By the way, Equius is an AMERICAN football player, in case anyone was confused. Feel free to review! ****Anyways, thanks for the support. I hope you enjoy it!**  


Karkat backpedaled as fast as he could away from Equius. The large football player made no move to pursue him however. _Probably because he doesn't want to be seen by God knows how many people beating up a tiny freshman. Oh well, safe for now._ He resumed his journey home. As he walked past Equius, the junior only shouldered past him on his way to get… wherever he was going. Equius only meant it as a disrespectful gesture, but he didn't realize that Karkat was suffering from two badly broken bones.

Karkat slumped against the wall while the pain subsided. When it had dulled to only a moderately unbearable ache, he got off the wall and continued on his way. Squaring his shoulders, he felt the back of his hoodie crackle with the dried blood that had saturated it that morning. His route was about five miles, traversing a rather hilly part of town.

When he got into the parking lot of his apartment complex, he noticed something decidedly odd: his dad's car was not there. _What? Where is he? Ah well, at least there won't be any 'activities' tonight. Oh, god my head…_ Stumbling over a pothole, his pain-drunk mind nearly let him fall before reacting. He unlocked the gate leading into the complex proper, walked up three flights of narrow, steep stairs and walked to his door. Digging around for his key, he realized he had left it in his room. _Dammit!_

He was so preoccupied by his situation that he didn't notice footsteps behind him. "Kaaaaaaaarkat," A cold, slightly seductive female voice called. He jerked upright and turned around.

"Vriska, what the hell?"

She held up a key on a ring, dangling it from one finger. "Your dad left a while ago and you knoooooooow how he always locks the doors. Fortunately, I have a spare." Her voice lost its seductive quality, now becoming frigid, "I could let you have mine… but maybe I won't." She grinned, "Maybe I'll let you wait out here for a while, until _he_ gets back. That's always fun to listen to."

"GIVE ME THAT DAMN KEY BITCH!" Karkat was nearly fainting with agony now, compounded by the fear of his dad.

Vriska started twirling the key ring on her long, slim finger as she spoke, "Oh, such language Karkat!" she exclaimed in mock horror, "I guess you _caaaaaaaan_ have it. Just… go and get it!" With her final words, she let the ring fly off her finger, which carried it over the balcony and down into the rocks.

Karkat moaned as she threw it over, but was at least thankful that he could get at it. He walked back down the stairs, retrieved the key, and returned upstairs. When he inserted it into the lock and turned it, he discovered that the door wasn't ever locked! Vriska was lounging on the balcony rails, smiling cruelly at him. He gave her a few choice swear words, and a few rude gestures before letting himself in.

The rooms were dark, but that was no different from how it usually was. Karkat knew that his dad was gone because there was no malevolent feel to the air. It just smelled like rubbing alcohol mixed with blood. _My blood._ He turned on a ceiling light and went to his room. He opened the door, expecting the worst, but nothing was broken, not even the chair. He stuffed his pile of papers into his backpack, forgotten that morning before his brief flight.

He then walked over to the bathroom, stripped, and got into the shower. He turned the water on cold to relax his body after being stuffed in a thick hoodie all day in 95° weather. He watched as the water running off his hair turned red, staying like that for about three minutes before turning pink, and then clear. The cold water slowly reduced the swelling on his rib, wrist, and head.

He lathered up his sweat and blood-covered body in the foul smelling, industrial-strength soap. He didn't think anything of it though, as it was the only stuff he'd ever used. He took caution not to get it in his eyes, as they would sting and burn for hours if it got in them. The soap still stung and burned his skin, but only for about half an hour. It left his skin not a healthy pink, but a bright, angry red when it was rinsed off. He suspected his dad used a different soap than he did, but did not dare go into his room to check.

The last time he had gone into his dad's room, he was nearly blind for a week from getting his soap shoved into his eyes. That was four years ago, in the summer. He never went in there again. The memory of that white-hot pain in his eyes was nearly enough even now to make him cower in fear.

Now finally cleaned of the pains of the day, he dried off and crept back to his room. He pulled his mattress away from the wall and reached into a little hole in the drywall. This contained his most valuable possession: a large bottle of Ibuprofen pills. Looking at the label on the back it read, among other things: DO NOT TAKE ON AN EMPTY STOMACH. Normally, Karkat would not be able to take it because of this, but he remembered that he _had_ actually eaten lunch. He could still feel some remaining food in his stomach, so he took four pills before returning the bottle to its hollow.

Sliding the mattress back into place, he yawned and looked at his alarm clock. It read 5:45 P.M. _Damn, still that early? But I can't stay awake. Oh well, it'll be a long day tomorrow. _He slipped onto his bed, careful to lie on his back. He could feel the pain medicine beginning to take effect, soothing his various wounds. For the first time that day, he felt no pain. With that cessation, he fell into a deep sleep.

_He stood in the grassy walkway as a female figure in a golden dress spun and leaped around him. How long he watched her, he could not tell. Looking down, he saw he was dressed in an obsidian-colored tuxedo. His head and rib were mended, and his body filled the suit, still slim, but no longer emaciated. He looked back at the dancer, who had been joined by many others. He was the only one standing still; everyone else was twirling in complex patterns around him. "Come and join me!" the first dancer cried out. Karkat realized it was Kanaya._

_ "I can't!" he called back to her, "I don't know how…"_

_ "I can teach you!" Kanaya laughed merrily, "Just join me!"_

_ "I don't know how to dance!"_

_ "This isn't a dance! This is life! You're the one missing out."_

_ When he heard "This is life" Karkat thought about what life entailed to him. As he thought, the golden-garbed dancers faded, until only Kanaya was left. She stopped dancing and the world went dark. He could still see Kanaya, but she transformed into his dad, who grinned manically. _

_ "That's the life other people get. They deserve it, but you deserve nothing!" The shadowy figure walked toward him. Karkat noticed that his suit was gone, replaced by rags. His body was too thin once again. "You only deserve pain and fear. You don't _get_ happiness, or joy, or friends. You drove them all away; everyone hates you!"_

_ "That's not true!" Karkat yelled, "Kanaya doesn't!" But even as he said it, doubt sprouted in his mind. _Does she? Does she actually care about me? Can she even bring herself so low to lift me up?_ As he thought, the world turned darker still, until he could only see his dad's maniac smile. The teeth lunged forward and Karkat felt a red-hot knife in his ribs, and his head split open once more. He screamed and cried in pain until the dream faded._

Karkat opened his eyes and bolted upright. There was no shadowy figure in his room, no knife stuck between his ribs. He groaned: the pain pills had run their course. Glancing over to his alarm clock, he saw it was one minute before it was set to go off. He got out of bed and walked over to it. It went off right as he reached it, so he turned it off immediately. His body hurt, but it was slightly more bearable than yesterday.

He re-bound his rib and dressed himself, taking only a few minutes this time. Fortunately, he had a spare hoodie, but it was far thinner. _I guess the Ibuprofen isn't quite gone yet._ He retrieved the bottle from its hiding spot and removed four more. He put these in the hoodie's pocket before cautiously opening his door. Strangely, the light he had left on the previous evening was still on. _Dad must not have even been home last night. Weird. _

He still walked carefully, not wanting to make any noise. He retrieved a bottle of water from the refrigerator and downed half of it in a gulp. He took another one, and then ate a granola bar from the pantry. Now feeling slightly more awake, he went back to his room. It was still an hour before he had to leave, but he had no computer, no TV, no cell phone to text friends with, or friends to text. _Well, I'll fall asleep if I stay here, so I might as well leave._

He grabbed his backpack and left his apartment, making sure to lock the door behind him. As Karkat walked down the stairs, he was shocked at the temperature. _There must be a cold front moving through. Yesterday was 95°, today it'll be only 75°. If that! Sure am glad I've got this hoodie on._ Exiting the complex, he noticed that his dad's car was still gone. _Okay, now this is just freaky. _Flipping his hood up, he retraced his steps from yesterday, back to school. He glanced at his watch: 5:45A.M. _I'll get there by 7:15, so I'll need to find a place to wait. The grassy area might be nice._


	9. As Different As Night And Day Part 2

**Author's Note: This entire chapter is Kanaya's perspective. You probably could have figured that out, but I feel it is necessary to say anyways. Also, sorry about really messing up Porrim in advance, it fits the plot better this way though. Remember to review; I want to improve. Enjoy!**

Kanaya walked through the wrought-iron gates, looking for Porrim's car. Her arm waving out the window caught Kanaya's attention. After all, it was a very distinctive arm, what with all of the strange tattoos. She got into the passenger's seat, placing her bag at her feet. Immediately, Porrim began interrogating her all about her first day of high school while they waited for the cars ahead to move.

"So, who are you thinking about?" Porrim asked, seemingly able to read her mind.

"Oh, just a boy I met-"

"Oh aren't _we_ the lucky girl! What does he look like?"

"It's not that kind of thing," Kanaya said, a blush coloring her face, "I saw him get beaten up really badly by some football player. From his breathing, I could tell that he broke a rib…" Kanaya told her sister everything about her experiences with Karkat that day.

"…When he finished, he looked at me like I was the only person who'd ever shown him kindness. He smiled, just briefly, and it was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen." Looking out the window, Kanaya saw Karkat walk right past their car. She waved at him, telling him to get in. "Can you drive him home, Porrim? Please?"

"I have no reason not to. Go get him and we'll take him back to his home."

Kanaya got out of the car, but returned with no Karkat. "He doesn't want to come. I guess he's still not able to trust me yet." She slumped slightly in her seat.

"Don't feel bad Kanaya. If what you suspect is true, it will take a lot more than a day to get him to trust anyone." The cars in front of theirs started moving. "Now, let's get home, shall we?"

The Maryam girls' route took them towards the center of the city. Kanaya lived with her mother Rosa in an expensive high-rise, and Porrim was leaving the next day to teach Psychology at Skaia University, Home of the Frogs. As they drove, both lapsed into a friendly silence. In actuality, Porrim was Kanaya's half sister, the product of Rosa's first marriage. Despite the age gap, the two were as close as sisters could be.

Porrim stopped outside the high-rise. "Sorry I can't come up with you, I need to finish packing. I'll be here at 7:30 tomorrow to take you to school and say goodbye," she promised.

"Well, see you tomorrow!" With that, Kanaya left Porrim's car and went into the glittering glass tower. The doorman tipped his hat to her as she went in, she returned the gesture with a broad smile. The elevator shafts were on the outside of the building, with glass walls so that the occupants could gaze out over the city. This was Kanaya's favorite time of day: the late afternoon.

The dying summer sun bathed the city in golden light, reflecting off of the glass walls it made the whole downtown area seem like the legendary city of Cìbola. _It's so beautiful, so peaceful. I wish Karkat could see this. It might do him some good._ She entertained thoughts of that ilk until the elevator chimed softly, signaling her floor. Stepping out onto the carpet, she let the glass doors close behind her.

Kanaya walked down the carpeted hallways to her home. There is something to be said about the carpet however. She took no notice of it because of its familiarity, but it was truly something to behold. It was gold and purple, the purple twisting and curling in intricate knots on its golden home. She reached her door, a solid mahogany piece with a shiny brass knob and knocker.

The door opened before she could use either furnishing, and Kanaya was welcomed home by her mother. Rosa was a self-made woman, a shrewd businesswoman one minute, and a large-hearted mother the next. She, like her daughters, was tall and slim, but her personality made her seem forty pounds bigger than she really was. In short, everybody who knew her loved her dearly.

"Well, how did it go?" Rosa asked.

"Derse High is a very interesting school. The teachers are somewhat eccentric, but they do know what they are doing."

"Well, that's great on all accounts! Make any new friends?"

"Actually, I met a boy today." Pausing, she waited for her mother's outburst of purposefully embarrassing questions. When none came, she continued, "It's not in the way that you might think it is. I saw him get beaten up pretty badly, and when I tried to talk to him, he looked at me like I was going to attack him or something."

"That sounds like-"

"Abuse, I know. Anyways, he ran away before the morning assembly started, and he turned up to my second period class with a blood-soaked hoodie and a cracked skull. Eventually, I found out his name was Karkat Vantas. During lunch, I walked in through the door he was sitting right next to. He tried to run away, but I stopped him. He was trying to convince me he was fine, you know the I'm-not-hungry sort of stuff. He actually did a pretty good job of it, except his stomach grumbled so loudly I could hear it over the noise.

"So, I did what any _decent_ human being would do and bought him lunch. He was gone by the time I got back to the table, but I found him. He was pretty terrified, but he eventually ate. With a little… _prompting_ from me. When he had eaten (enough for about four people), he looked at me and smiled. In that brief instant, he was the most beautiful person that I have ever seen." Finished with her monologue, she glanced at her mother.

"It sounds like he has got some serious problems going on." Rosa turned to look her straight in the eye. "You let him know that any time he needs help, he can come to us."

"I'll tell him that, but I can't promise he'll actually take us up on that offer. Kindness seems to be a foreign concept to him." As Kanaya spoke, she realized that she was quite hungry. _Right, I forgot to eat anything at lunch, I was so focused on Karkat. _"Are we going to eat soon? I forgot to eat lunch."

"I was _planning_ on making a nice chicken dish, but if you're hungry now there are a lot of leftovers in the fridge." She listed off a few, keeping track on her fingers, "There's a lot of good stuff. Potato soup, a bit of steak, some salad…"

"Yeah, that sounds good. I guess I'm a bit too hungry to wait for something else." Kanaya proceeded to microwave the items that needed it while her Rosa started to prepare her planned meal.

"I'll leave half of it for you for tomorrow. I'll be home late; I've got a meeting that'll run until 4:30 or so."

"That's fine, I won't be getting home until about then anyways. It certainly will be a bit of a walk." Taking her fresh-nuked meal, she sat down at the table, staring out at the golden city as she ate. When finished, Kanaya took her dishes to the sink and put them in the dishwater. She was going to wash them, but Rosa interrupted her.

"Oh, just leave them. I'll be doing my dishes later, so I'll clean them up then. You should go and shower."

"Thanks mom!" Kanaya walked off, still basking in the fading evening glow. She always treated bathing as a luxurious task; something to be enjoyed to the fullest extent. When she emerged from the shower nearly an hour later, she was accompanied out of the bathroom by a large cloud of steam and a light, floral fragrance.

After dressing once more, she returned out to the living room and watched TV with her mother until she felt tired. Heaving a massive yawn, she glanced over at the wall-mounted clock: 10:45. "Well, I suppose I'll get off to bed now."

"Good night!" her mother called out after her. Kanaya slipped under the covers and was almost instantly asleep.

_She wore a dress made of gold, though it weighed nothing at all. She leaped and spun and twirled, carefree. After a time, she noticed a figure standing in a dark purple tuxedo. It was Karkat, but not Karkat as she had seen him: what he could have been. His body filled the slim suit and his eyes were bright, shining with the innocent wonder of a child. "Come and join me!" she laughed to him, reveling in the feeling of nearly flying._

_ "I can't. I don't know how."_

_ Suddenly, Kanaya felt a stab of pity for him again. He didn't know this wonderful feeling? This joy? This freedom? "I can teach you. Just join me."_

_ "I can't. I don't know how to dance."_

_ "This isn't just a dance Karkat. It's life. Let me teach you about it." He looked at her with eyes full of the desire to do so, but something held him back. She watched in horror as he began to _deflate_, his eyes regaining their pain and fear, losing the joy. His once immaculate suit now hung in tatters off his newly emaciated body. Then, he vanished; a puff of smoke all that signaled his departure. Kanaya blinked away tears, but continued dancing. She did not leap as high as she had, nor twirl at such speeds as before._

_ Some of the light had gone from the world; something precious had been lost._

Kanaya sat up in bed, wiping away a gentle stream of tears. Her alarm chimed, and she turned it off reflexively. She cleaned her face in the bathroom, then got dressed. She had a large collection of homemade garments: Rosa had taught her how to make her own clothing. Now dressed in a loose, light, flowing skirt and its matching top, she exited her room to eat breakfast. Porrim was already there and had made a delicious-smelling breakfast of pancakes topped with freshly sliced fruit.

"Well, good morning!" Porrim called out in a singsong voice, grinning broadly.

"Good morning to you too, Porrim. Wow, this smells fantastic!"

"Thanks, I decided to make you and mom breakfast before I leave. I probably won't see you until winter break, but I'll be sure to keep in touch. I'll try to call every weekend, but I might not be able to."

"Of course." Kanaya took a plate from the cabinet and tried to take a few pancakes, but Porrim swatted her hand with a spatula.

"Not yet! We're going to eat as a family."

Kanaya murmured her assent, and then sat down at the table to watch the sun rise over the city. She heard her mother come out into the kitchen and repeat the same ritual, nearly word-for-word. After a few more minutes, the Maryam family all sat down together at the kitchen table and ate as a family, all while watching the city turn ruby in the sunrise.

"That color, right there, that's the color Karkat's eyes are."Kanaya said, breaking the early morning silence. "Such a lovely color…"

Porrim wrinkled her forehead in surprise, "You didn't tell me he had ruby eyes!"

"Nor did you tell me." Rosa added.

"Oh, did I not? I'm sorry. They're a deep, rich ruby red, but they're so full of pain and fear. I want to take that darkness out of them. Replace the pain with joy, the fear with wonder. He needs someone to care about him."

Her sister and mother both agreed with this, and they lapsed again into an awestruck silence as the sun turned their city into a crystal kingdom, throwing rainbow light in every direction as the sun shone down on a new day.

**Author's Note: In this world, dream bubbles/dream sharing is not a thing. Karkat's and Kanaya's dreams were not shared. Also, the pace of the story is going to speed up. I'll start covering a day or a week in a single chapter. This is the part of the story where time flies and small progress is made. Remember to review! Thank you so much for reading! Next update: Tomorrow!**


	10. A Battle Of Wills Part 1

Karkat sat with his back against the wall, watching for anyone who might intrude on his personal grassy haven. It seemed like nobody knew about it, or that it was so far out of the way that no one ever came there. _Still, it's a quiet place. Perfect for getting away from the noise._ He still hurt like hell, but it was far more manageable. The previous day, it was so bad that it had dulled his senses, always trying to get him to fall asleep. Now, it was able to keep him awake. He shivered in his thin hoodie; his underfed body could barely produce enough heat to keep him warm.

He sat there, thinking about yesterday's events. _I still can't comprehend why she can even bear to be around me. I'm so disgusting I make myself want to vomit_. As he thought, he slowly curled up in a ball, bringing his knees to his chest. _Kanaya though, she's so perfect. She has everything. How can she get herself covered in filth to try to help me? I'm sure she knows it won't work and that I'm not worth the effort._ Wrapped in his dark thoughts, he did not notice Kanaya approach him until she sat down next to him.

"Um, good morning Karkat."

Karkat's reaction was to jump up and nearly sprint away before his instincts realized she was no harm. "S-sorry, you startled me."

"There's no need to apologize, I did startle you, after all." She sat down next to him, looking at the narrow strip of sky above them. "Have you ever seen the city in the morning? Or the evening?"

"No, I live a few miles away, and don't really go outside very much."

"Oh, that truly is a shame. The late afternoon is possibly the best time of day; the sun reflects off the windows and turns everything golden. And in the morning…"

Karkat listened as she waxed eloquent about the city at different times of the day. _Sounds like a real sight. I bet she's eventually going to try to get me to see it with her. It would be wasted on me._ "Wait, what was that last bit? About me eyes?"

"Oh I was just saying that today's sunrise was the exact shade of your eyes. It was such a wonderful ruby."

"You're actually saying that you think my _eyes_ are wonderful? You're kidding, right? My eyes are a disgusting, freakish, fresh-blood color! They're hideous!"

"No, they're not! They're wonderful. I've never seen eyes like that before."

"Sure, just say it, I'm a freak."

"Karkat, how on earth do you expect anyone to help you if you talk about yourself like you are less that trash?"

"I never have expected anyone to help me, as if I needed it, and I _am_ less than trash. Don't you get it? You're wasting your time on me. Go find someone worth your attention." He curled back up into a ball, clearly telling Kanaya 'this conversation is over'.

She refused to take the hint, and instead put her hand on his back, right between his shoulder blades. _He's so thin, I never noticed with his baggy sweater. His shoulder blades are poking out from his body!_ "You just _can't_ talk about yourself like that. I decide where to invest my time, and you are the one who needs it the most. Thus, my presence."

"If you knew anything about me, you would run away from me." Karkat's voice was thick with emotion, "I am the singularly most _disgusting_ individual you will ever lay eyes on. I'm not worth the dirt on your shoes."

"It doesn't matter how many times you say it, it doesn't make it any less wrong."

"You don't even know me. I drive every single person away from me. They see me for who I really am: a worthless piece of shit."

"No, they see you for who you think you are, but you think about yourself in the wrong way. I'll tell you what I see: you are incredibly strong. Yesterday, you went through classes with a cracked skull, a broken rib, and God knows how many other injuries, yet you didn't once let loose a sign that you were in pain. Just thinking about that makes me cringe."

"I was also sleeping half the day, so a good portion of that 'strength' is just sloth."

"What about the other part?"

"Fluke."

Kanaya wanted desperately to continue the conversation, but the bell rang, signaling the beginning of classes. She watched as he got to his feet, purposefully twisting so that his broken rib was being compressed, painfully so, by his body. Yet he didn't even flinch, not a flicker of pain showed in his eyes. They went their separate ways, each having a class to get to.

That day, the classes were full length, so the teachers actually were able to do something. Karkat took the pretest for math, trying to focus on the problems, but the pounding of his head was such a distraction. Also, it didn't help that he became a magnet for flying objects.

He knew half the stuff on the test from his advanced pre-algebra course in eighth grade, but felt he got nearly every problem wrong. _Great job, dumbshit. Certainly aced that one, champ!_ He turned his test and answer document in to Ms. Crocker and sat back down. Almost instantly, she looked up straight at him with an eyebrow cocked, seemingly surprised.

During study hall, he ignored Kanaya as she tried to talk to him, eventually feigning sleep to get her to stop. Instead, she once again put her hand between his shoulders. He was so small her palm covered the area between the blades, and her fingers covered half of them. He could feel the Ibuprofen wearing off, so when the bell dismissed them, he took another, washing it down with a sip of water from the water fountain.

Strider had an activity planned where every student in the class was given a handout with fifteen different activities. The task was to find someone who had done the activity and get them to sign in the space provided. From the get-go, Karkat saw that he had nowhere he could sign.

One of the girls with an empty sheet walked up to him, asking for a signature. "Sorry, can't help you."

She raised her eyebrow in surprise. "You didn't… see a movie over the summer? Go somewhere out of state? Out of the city? No? Nothing? Sheesh, what'd you do, sit in your room all day and play Xbox all break?"

"No, I don't have a gaming console. That's a question on the sheet."

"So what _did_ you do over the break?"

"Absolutely nothing." _Apart from getting used as dad's personal knife sharpener, punching bag, and the occasional errand runner._

"Wow, must have been boring."

"Yeah, kinda." _You kidding? I was always too scared to be bored._ The girl walked off, and Karkat sat until the class ended.

English class was the most rigorous of the day. Karkat not only had to take a pretest, but also had to select a book from a pre-ordained pile and begin taking notes about various things within the story itself: the setting, the characters introduced, things like that. He was almost glad when the end of class came, but realized that lunch was next. _She'll probably want to buy me lunch again. It's such a waste of time, effort, money, and food. She should know I'm not worth it._


	11. A Battle Of Wills Part 2

Karkat walked into the cafeteria, the appetizing smells once again making his stomach gurgle in anticipation. It was nowhere near as loud as it had been the previous day, so he decided not to worry. _I've been far hungrier before. I remember when dad kept me locked in my room for three days with only a gallon of water. That certainly wasn't fun_. He scanned the writhing beast that was the crowd, looking for the familiar face of Kanaya. He jumped as she appeared right next to him, as if summoned by his very thoughts.

"Jeez, don't scare me like that!"

"I was standing right next to you for about thirty seconds before you noticed me," Kanaya spoke in a slightly reproachful tone, "I didn't mean to startle you."

"Don't apologize to me," Karkat spoke under his breath, "Everyone knows that I'm not worth their time." He glanced at her, his eyes dark with self-loathing.

"Why do you find it so hard to accept help from anyone? Yesterday I nearly had to force-feed you, and you would not let my sister, Porrim, drive you home. So, what is the problem?"

"Don't. Bother. With. Me. I am not worth your time, your effort, or your pity. For a smart girl, you just can't get that fact through your head." He turned away, and walked back out the doors. Kanaya followed him.

Once he left the noisy confines of the cafeteria, he sighed in relief. "Good, at least I can hear myself think out here." He spoke without realizing that Kanaya was behind him. "Why, you stupid piece of shit, why does she think that you deserve anything? You're worthless, no, less than that. If you were a product, people would pay to get rid of you." He continued on like this for several minutes, all while walking to the grassy haven.

Kanaya felt her heart lurch with each word he said. _How can he even say things like that, much less believe them? This abuse must not be anything new to him. He's going to school with two injuries that anyone would go to the hospital for without even caring. He's no stranger to pain, but kindness is a concept so foreign to him that it terrifies him._ She waited behind the corner while Karkat went on into the thin canyon.

She waited a few minutes, and was about to leave when she heard a rhythmic thumping coming from around the corner. As it progressed, the sound changed subtly, becoming softer, slightly muted. Kanaya was curious, but restrained herself from rounding the corner to look. This resolve held out until before each thump she heard a small cry. She rounded the corner and nearly fainted in shock.

Karkat was standing ten feet down the wall, facing the smooth-sided building. Blood was running down his face in streams, their source a large wound on his forehead. "KARKAT! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?"

He spun around in shock and terror, his face going snowy white while covered in crimson blood. His eyes were glazed over in pain and… self-loathing wasn't a strong enough word to describe it. Karkat looked as if he wanted nothing more than to wipe the earth free of him. "Worthless… nobody… can care…" His voice was dazed and slurred, telltale signs of a concussion.

"You can't do this to yourself Karkat! It's bad enough that you have two broken bones, you won't help yourself like this."

"Why… would I … want to help myself?" His voice had changed, no emotion seeping out. It was lifeless and cold.

Kanaya choked back a sob. "You don't even know that? It's because you should want to live!"

"Living? That… means more pain. I want to sleep… no more pain…" He trailed off, his eyes closed, a single tear escaping.

Kanaya shook him trying to get him to wake up. "Karkat? Get up. Come on, wake up." She was sobbing by now, remembering her dream. _I can't let him 'live' like this anymore. He needs help._ She slipped one arm around his torso, the other under his knees, and started to carry him. _He's so light. He weighs almost nothing. _She tried to remember where the nurse's office was, but her panic-stricken mind refused to cooperate. Instead, she started running to the front office.

She was forced to slow down when she saw how Karkat's head was whipping around. As she continued, walking now, Kanaya heard Karkat groaning. _He's coming to. Good._ She saw his eyes open, and then his head lift up. Instead of the expected reaction of him telling her he was fine, his response was far more disturbing. In a sudden flurry of motion, Karkat escaped Kanaya's arms and tried to run. His eyes were full of an animal terror.

He couldn't run because his legs had lost all of their strength. He fell after getting ten feet, but he wouldn't give up. He scrambled backwards on all fours until he ran into a wall. He was cornered and trapped, so he curled up into a tight little ball, quivering in an inexplicable fear. Kanaya walked over to him, knelt down, and tried to comfort him. When she touched him, his entire body jumped, every tendon standing out in what could only be interpreted as pure, unadulterated fear.

"Calm down, it's alright. I'm here now, you're safe." Kanaya was weeping from the pain she sensed from the tiny young man in front of her.

Gradually, his body relaxed and he looked up at her. There was once again no emotion in his eyes. _Strange. He seems to be at war with his mind and instincts. He's so terrified one minute and emotionally dead the next. I-I can't help him on my own. _Kanaya hated to leave him like this, but she needed to get the nurse.

TIME SKIP

Karkat woke up suddenly. He was lying in a bed that was softer than anything he'd even laid on before. The last thing he remembered was seeing Kanaya appear from around the corner or the building. The rest was just blank. He tried to lift his arm to rub the last vestiges of sleep from his eyes, but strangely, it wouldn't move. None of his limbs would move.

He heard a beeping in the background, and the more he struggled, trying to get his limbs to move, the more frequent the beeping got. "I can't move!" he called out, desperately trying to get some answers. He heard a door open and rapid footsteps approach him. Suddenly, an unfamiliar face entered his field of vision.

"Yes, you can't move because you are restrained. You tried to escape four times already."

"What? I don't remember any of that. And where am I? Who are you?"

"You are in the hospital right now. I am Calliope, the nurse in charge of this floor section."

"Oh, God, the hospital?"

"You sound surprised. Don't be. In addition to your forehead wound, you have a badly fractured skull, a snapped rib, and so many scars on your flesh I don't even know where to begin. Additionally, you seem to have no epidermal layer on your skin and your body is in a state of malnourished anemic shock. So, I feel like I should ask the questions here."

"Can I at least sit up and have my arms free?"

"That isn't a problem. You seem to be in a rational state now. Earlier, you behaved like a caged animal. We thought you had gone insane." Calliope pressed a few buttons and Karkat's bed turned into a large chair. He tried to focus on her, but couldn't gather any details about her. _My mind can't process much information._

"So, your name is Karkat Vantas, correct?"

"Yes, but how-"

"The girl that came with you told us. It's interesting because you have no records in any government database except for Derse High. Can I ask you how you got hose injuries?"

_I can't tell her the truth. If dad even finds out I'm in here, he'll literally slit my throat. _"I- uh… they're self-inflicted."

"Really? You're saying you carved abusive words into your own flesh? That you broke your own rib and skull? Sorry, but I'm not buying that."

"Then this conversation is at an end. Let me go."

"I'm afraid I can't do that. Kanaya warned us that you don't tell anyone anything." Calliope leaned in closely, her face hovering over his, "But we don't even know where you live."

"Fine by me. You won't get a thing out of me."

"I kind of got that much from the scars on your back. Tell me, why are they that straight? And why do they have acid burn scars on them?"

"GO AWAY! NOW!"

Calliope was startled by his outburst, but decided that it would be best to leave. As she left, Kanaya came bursting in through the door.

"Karkat, how DARE you not tell me?! I saw the pictures; did your _dad_ do that to you? How could you even live with a monster like that?"

"Kanaya, my dad didn't do any of this to me. Really, I'm fine. I shouldn't even be here. It's wasting valuable time and space. Just try to get them to let me leave."

"No. You are scarred so deeply, in so many ways. You _need_ their help Karkat."

"I don't need anything."

"Not even food? Again, I've seen the pictures. Your ribs stand out so much that you're nearly a walking corpse. And why the HELL do you have a GPS tracker embedded in your skull?"

_Oh, no. Not that one. _Years before, when Karkat was in second grade, he was late home from school. His dad had smacked him a few times, then took a power drill and drilled a hole into his skull and put a GPS tracker chip in it. He remembered the cold laugh his dad gave as he watched the young Karkat shriek and writhe in agony on the floor.

Kanaya watched as Karkat's eyes grew wide at the mention of the GPS in his head. He turned pale, then started to shake. A different nurse rushed into the room, apparently receiving a wireless signal.

"He's having a panic attack! Get me a sedative, stat!" Another nurse ran in with a syringe and plunged it into his thigh. Karkat's shaking stopped and his breathing became regular. He slumped forward in his bed before flopping back on it as it reclined again.

"We should leave," one of the nurses said, "It'll be awhile before he wakes up. A dose that large with his body weight, what is he? 85 pounds? It might be twelve hours before he wakes up." The group exited the room, leaving Karkat alone in the room with his dreams.


	12. And The Demon Enter Part 1

Kanaya walked slowly out of Karkat's hospital room, wondering all the while if she'd done the right thing. _I'd seen him terrified before, but when he saw that he was restrained, he looked as if he was going to die. Now he'll be stuck in here until he decides to cooperate. _She moved back to the ward lobby where Rosa waited. _At least at school he had me to talk to. Like that really did any good._ She tapped one of the nurses on the shoulder, recognizing him as the one who had sedated Karkat.

"Mm, yes? What is it?" The man turned around, raising an eyebrow in question.

"Well, Karkat's my friend, and I was wondering when he'll be able to leave…"

"He can't leave for a while, not until he's partially healed and told us what happened. Damn, how could anyone do something like that to a _kid_? Makes me sick…"

Kanaya remembered full well what she had seen in the pictures. She had ridden in the ambulance with Karkat, but gotten separated from him in the frantic scramble when they got to the hospital. Eventually, she found the ward where he was, but couldn't see him because apparently he was trying to escape. A male nurse came over to her and asked her to come with him. He led her to a Dr. Scratch M.D.'s office, where she was promptly shown in.

"Ah, Ms… Maryam, I believe?"

"Yes, that is me."

"Do you know exactly the extent of his injuries, Ms. Maryam?"

"He has a badly broken rib, a fractured skull, and a concussion."

"Yes, but there is… more. I have pictures if you want to see, but I am warning you, they make me cringe and I've seen everything."

"I'll see them." When he laid the file in front of her, she hesitated before lifting the cover. As soon as Kanaya saw the pictures inside, she slammed the folder shut, tears pouring out of her eyes. "Wh-wh-what kind of _thing_ would do that to a _child_?" She opened it up again, this time prepared for the horror. As she looked, she felt more tears spill out of her eyes. The top picture was of Karkat's torso from the front. It was so small and thin; the ribs were jutting out. One of them was bruised and swollen to twice the size of its counterpart.

The worst thing Kanaya had ever seen was literally carved into his flesh. There were countless scars, each series spelling out a different word. None of the words resembled anything a father should _ever_ say to his son. The next picture nearly made Kanaya vomit in pity and rage. Karkat was lying on his stomach in this picture, and the same scars were across his shoulders, but they spelled out a sentence. She noticed that the skin around the scar was shiny and pinkish.

"That right there, that is an acid burn. We think that after those words were _carved_ into his _flesh, _he was doused in isopropyl alcohol, although with a much stronger solution than is normally available. It also indicates that it was left on for a long time, maybe hours."

Kanaya couldn't speak, she was so engulfed in hatred for the bastard that did this. _How? How could he even bear that?_

"It's worse than you might think. The scar shows signs of stretching, indicating that he was young when he got this. Perhaps in third grade or thereabouts."

_Oh, God, nobody deserves treatment like that, not even the worst criminals. And yet he went through that as a third grader? His dad has a lot to answer for._

"I can't let you see some of the other pictures, but this… particular scarring continues along his legs. I have to tell you, I don't normally get involved emotionally with my patients, but this makes me want to do murder."

"I know exactly how you feel. I want to take the worthless bastard that did this and tear him apart slowly. I want to make the rest of his life _Hell_ for this!"

"Punishing the perpetrator aside, he is also missing large amounts of his epidermal layer of skin. Certain trace chemicals have been found, and it appears that it was burned off by chlorine. Perhaps it was in the soap that he uses or something?"

At this, Kanaya let out a sob. "Why? Why? Why? Why would someone want to do something like this?"

"Well, I can tell it wasn't done by a drunk."

"Really? How?"

"The letters in the scars. They're too precise, to exact. If it was a drunken man that did this, the letters would be less straight and would fluctuate in size. This, though, this was deliberate and intentional. The treatment of the cuts seems to be purposeful, if also brutally abusive."

"I suppose that only makes it worse. If his dad did it when he was drunk, that would be bad enough. But this, it's premeditated and careful. His dad must be truly evil."

"It's not my job to give opinion on morality, but this really is nothing short of horrifying. Also, while the broken skull seems to be a fairly safe break, there is another anomalous appearance in the skull. Look there," he pointed, "It's a hole."

"And what is that dark blob?"

"That appears to be a GPS tracker chip. The pattern on the hole is suggesting that it was made with a power drill or something of that ilk."

"Okay, that is just unthinkable." Kanaya suddenly swayed on her feet, nearly losing her balance. "I-I think I've seen more than enough."

"You can sit down in the lobby until a nurse comes and gets you. If you need anything, just ask at the desk."

"Thank you. For everything." Kanaya turned and walked out on shaky legs. When she reached the nearest chair, she collapsed into it, her mind simply numb from imagining the hell Karkat had lived in. _Everything was purposeful, planned to cause pain of some sort._ She could not tell how long she sat there before she was greeted by her mother.

"Kanaya, I've been to see Dr. Scratch. He showed me the pictures and explained what happened." She was interrupted and Kanaya lunged forward and wrapped her arms around her.

"I c-can't bear to even think about it! It's no wonder he was so terrified of me, all he's ever known is pain." She looked up at her mother's face. "How does someone like that even recover?"

"I'm not sure that he ever will fully. Scars like that run deep. It seems obvious that he has something like PTSD. And at such a young age too. It's no wonder that he's trying to run away."

They lapsed into a worried silence and sat down again. Time passed, and eventually a nurse told Kanaya that she could go and see Karkat. "And try to get him to tell you where he lives. He's not telling us anything." Her heart leapt up into her throat and she was terrified of seeing him again. _What if he's that soulless shell again? Or the animalistic wretch?_ She walked into the room, suddenly feeling angry at Karkat for not telling her.

"Karkat, how DARE you not tell me?! I saw the pictures; did your _dad_ do that to you? How could you even live with a monster like that?"

"Kanaya, my dad didn't do any of this to me. Really, I'm fine. I shouldn't even be here. It's wasting valuable time and space. Just try to get them to let me leave."

"No. You are scarred so deeply, in so many ways. You _need_ their help Karkat."

"I don't need anything."

"Not even food? Again, I've seen the pictures. Your ribs stand out so much that you're nearly a walking corpse. And why the HELL do you have a GPS tracker embedded in your skull?"

Karkat's eyes grew wide and his heart rate monitor went haywire. "Nurse! Help!" Kanaya screamed. Help was already bursting though the door.

"He's having a panic attack! Get me a sedative, stat!"

Kanaya watched as her newly sedated friend's bed was moved back to its supine position. She looked at his sleeping face, hoping to find peace in his face. She saw no calmness though; his face was still contorted in fear. Leaning down over his face, she gave him a kiss on the forehead before leaving the room.

**Karkat's P.O.V.**__

_He stood stock-still in a pitch black room. He could not tell how much time passed, as it is with all dreams, before he saw a nightmare grin appear in front of his face. It did not speak; merely let loose a burst of soul-shilling laughter before vanishing into the gloom. Karkat felt a subtle shift in the feeling of the room. It was more malevolent. Something evil was there with him. _

_ The hidden evil was silent, but he could sense its presence, its movements. It slowly approached him, and he saw a silver blade appear from the solid darkness. He steeled himself for the cut, and was not surprised when it made its first cut. He was surprised that it would choose to cut his face. The pain was enormous, but he could not scream, nay, he could only control his thoughts._

_ The torture went on to the second cut, but a new sound made him strain against his bonds in wonder. It was the sound of metal striking metal. His eyes focused again, and he saw a sight that was the most amazing thing he'd ever seen. A figure in pure white was fighting the pervasive evil. It struck once, twice, and on the third stroke, the shadow's blade shattered, though still silently. The figure turned to him to cut his bonds. It was nearly there when-_

He came to once again lying restrained in a hospital bed. Standing over him was-

"Hello, you worthless pile of shit. Get your fat, lazy ass out of bed." The voice was deep; it rattled Karkat to the core of his being, but it was nearly a bestial growl.

His limbs were freed and Karkat was suddenly pulled to his feet by his hair. A ripping pain in his arm told him that the IV needle had been pulled out. "Well hello to you too, dad."


	13. And The Demon Enter Part 2

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: In this chapter, I let my truly sadistic side write, so there is excessive abuse. As in enough to kill a person abuse. Don't read if you have a weak stomach, I nearly threw up while writing this (and my stomach isn't weak). Yes, I know I am horrible for doing it to Karkat, but I have the rest of the story planned out from here. It needs it for the plot to work out the way it will. Enjoy, and don't forget to rate!**

Karkat stumbled along behind the man that called himself his dad. He kept up a punishing pace at the best of times, and Karkat had just woken up from sedation. Also, his dad still had a fistful of his hair gripped right at the roots. His dad was half dragging him by the hair, and Karkat would sometimes let out a little whimper of pain.

"Shut your worthless mouth!" Karkat's dad growled. It had lost its bestial undertone, but Karkat knew that his dad had never been this angry before. They approached the hospital lobby, but there was nobody in sight. In fact, during their flight through the halls they had encountered not a single person. They left the building, its façade towering over them. Karkat was unable to take in the imposing nature of the building, as his head was twisted at a rather unpleasant angle. Accompanied by his broken skull, the hair-pulling was nearly enough to make him scream.

He saw the edge of his dad's car a second too late. Stars erupted in front of his eyes as his dad slammed his head into the door. Dazed, he sat while his dad moved to the back and apparently opened the trunk. Then he came back and grabbed a double fistful of Karkat's hair, lifted him off of his feet and threw him bodily into the cramped trunk. He felt his dad try to slam the trunk a few times but failed, primarily because his now swollen arm was in the way. Cursing at Karkat, his dad kicked the hand a few times before throwing it in the trunk with him.

Karkat's vision dimmed, but he refused to go back to sleep after his sedative-induced sleep. _This is, after all, your own fucking fault dumbass. You know that you deserve this, why try to fight it?_ The car's engine rumbled and he felt the vehicle jerk into motion. The sudden acceleration caused him to roll over his newly injured arm and fetch up on the closed hatch. The shock of pain nerly caused him to cry out, but he held back. _Dad can hear almost anything, even with the engine and road noise._ He knew from experience, as the trunk had always been his seat in the car. Because of this paired with his habit of walking while looking at the ground, he had almost no knowledge of what the city actually looked like.

_Kanaya will probably wonder where I am. If she finds out that I'm gone and tries to find me, I don't know what dad might do to her._ Unbidden, images of her being beaten and sliced came to mind, nearly making him vomit. _I definitely deserve this, but she… she's nice. I think if he did that to her, I might have to... _His thoughts trailed off as he realized where that train of thought was going. _No Karkat, you're not a hero, nor do you have the right to oppose him. He was generous enough to house you, clothe you, and feed you and you repay him like this? You disgust me._

The drive was a long one, and in the non air-conditioned trunk, it was miserable. The roads were full of potholes, and his dad seemed to be taking pleasure in swerving. Only fifteen minutes into the ride, he was already slick with sweat, which took advantage of his missing skin and stung badly. It was almost comforting, in a way, because he must have had some morpheme left in his system from the hospital, so his major wounds were dulled. The stinging from the sweat was so much less intense from the mind-splitting headache and broken rib, he felt giddy.

Having no way of keeping time, Karkat could only guess how long the drive actually took. He felt the vehicle stop, and the parking brake engage. The engine turned off and the car rocked with the slamming of a car door. He braced himself for the opening of the trunk, but it never came. The storage space was pitch black and sweltering in the late summer sun.

He lost track of all time confined in that dark space. His thin hospital gown was soaked with sweat, as well as a large are around him. Eventually, the sweat stopped coming. He peeled of the gown and wrung it out over his mouth, willing to drink his own sweat to stay alive. This went on for so long that he began to hallucinate. He saw Kanaya open the trunk and pull him out, her touch restoring his body, her words soothing and comforting his mind.

He blinked, and the vision vanished, leaving him in a stifling, humid car trunk being dehydrated to death. His stomach had been growling for a long time, but he had no way of appeasing his appetite. His immediate concern was getting water. His trick with his sweat appeared to be working, but he knew it couldn't last forever. He decided to try to get someone's attention outside the car, but he was so weak that he could barely move.

He stretched out as much as he could, attempting to be as comfortable as possible as he died. He was certain of his impending doom, as the only way out of the trunk was if it were to be opened from the outside. Karkat felt his mind fading off, and he let sleep take him for what he was certain was the very last time. His last thought was of Kanaya, about how he should have just _told her_. A single tear fell from his eye as he thought about what might have been. _She truly did care about you. She did her best to help you, and you repaid her by dying in a trunk. Pathetic, that's what you are. _

He was almost asleep when the _trunk opened!_ The wind that rushed in shocked him back to lucidity. Hearing a noise of disgust at his nudity, he felt a rough cloth be thrown over him and secured around him. His dad lifted him by his hair again, bringing him out into the night. He did not even notice the pain as his overheated body was washed over with cool air, though stifled by the towels. He remembered nothing of being dragged up three flights of stairs, or entering his apartment.

"You smell like shit. Go take a shower." The man carrying Karkat threw him bodily into the bathroom and shut the door. Somehow, Karkat managed to drag himself to the shower unit and turn on the water. It came out cold, but he was all the happier for it. As the water washed away the sweat on fear of his nightmare, he drank from the flow of water coming from the shower head. Nothing had ever tasted so sweet as the water he drank then.

He spent a long time in there, slowly gaining enough strength to stand. When he had spent as long of a time as he could, he regretfully turned off the water. With its absence, all the pain and fear sunk in again. He cracked open the door, glancing around for any sign of his dad. When he did not see one, he darted across the hall to his room, and quickly tried to get dressed. He managed to get a pair of pants on when he heard his dad walking toward his room. He was going to jump out of the window again, but it was padlocked shut, and his door lock had been removed.

The door slammed open and his dad walked in, carrying not just one knife this time, no, he carried a whole arsenal of knives. He did not speak at all as Karkat tried to duck around him; he only elbowed him across the nose, breaking it. Karkat fell to the floor screaming and clutching his face. The permanently shadowed figure set his collection of knives on Karkat's mattress and began his work.

First, a kick to the chest caused Karkat to stop screaming. Instead, he gasped desperately for air. In the meantime, his dad took four long, thin knives out of the pile. Grinning maliciously, he pried one of Karkat's arms out of his protective ball and secured it to the floor by stabbing two of the knives through his forearm, slipping the blades between the bones. Karkat's eyes went wide and the pupils dilated until they were tiny points. The monster then gave his other arm the same treatment, leaving Karkat spread-eagled on his carpet, half crucified on the floor.

His breathing returned, although ragged and halting. He made piteous noises, trying not to scream and shriek and writhe. That would only make it worse. Instead, his whole body shook with the effort of not obeying its most natural instinct. Blood sprayed from the wounds in his arms, splattering the wall and low ceiling. He watched in terror as his least favorite knife approached his already scarred chest. The pain as it started carving his flesh caused tears to flow out of his eyes, but he still uttered no sounds.

He lapsed in and out of reality after that. The knife continued to carve and carve; blood made a puddle around him. When it had finally finished it bloody work, Karkat saw that the worst was yet to come. The man that called itself Karkat's father took out a lighter from the pile. He lit it and held it up to the bottom of a metal disc the size of his palm. When the flame had heated it sufficiently, he laughed like a maniac and pressed it into Karkat's chest, right over the first bit he had carved.

"Heh heh heh. Barbecue anyone?" His dad's manic laugh continued as the shriek that had threatened the whole time burst forth. "SHUT UP! YOU DESERVE THIS PAIN! YOU TRIED TO RUN AWAY FROM ME!" The process continued, every few minutes Karkat's dad cauterized another section of his flesh.

Eventually, all of the knife marks had been burned shut, and a truly horrendous smell lingered in the room: burnt blood. Lastly, his dad pulled the knives out one by one, heated them up, put them back in to cauterize the whole wound, and then removed them again. Karkat had long since gone unconscious, so his dad left him there, lying in a puddle of blood with his chest carved up with knife writing and burn scars.


	14. When All Hope Seems Lost

Karkat was engulfed in darkness. He could feel the pain of his body, but it was muted, dampened by unconsciousness. He could not wake up, there was a barrier of some kind between him and awakening. _Damn, he's never done anything like this before. I made him so mad by not dying in that trunk. I wish I _had_ died there. When I come to, it's going to be hell. _Since he had no hope of waking soon, he determined to just… drift. Letting his mind turn off, he entered a sort of trance-like state within his lucid dream. Images came to his mind unbidden: Kanaya the subject of all of them. He remembered how she continually tried to help him, and he, like an idiot, had tried to push her away.

_ Thinking about his actions toward Kanaya caused his dreamscape to change. At first, the transformation was subtle, but it quickly grew unmistakable. The black fog was beginning to thin, turning the area a now rapidly lightening grey. He was truly amazed at where he was. He was back on the lawn where his dream of Kanaya dancing had occurred. Hearing a startled intake of breath behind him, he turned around to see Kanaya in her golden dress getting up from under a tree. _Strange, there wasn't a tree there before. Or was there?

_ "I've been waiting here for you for a long time, Karkat. Are you ready to live?"_

_ "I-I can't live like I have been anymore. It's going to kill me, if I'm not already going to die…" He looked down. Unlike before, he was not garbed in an obsidian suit. He was clothed only below the waist, and his bare chest showed signs of his most recent tortures._

_ "I know. I know what happened, and you need to get help. But first, come with me." She held out her hand. "Come with me," she whispered, "I'll show you what life is about."_

_ "I can't, Kanaya. I just can't."_

_ "Why not? There are no chains binding you. You won't come with me because you're afraid of being thrown away. But I won't do that. There is more to life than what you've experienced. I can show you what you have missed."_

_ "So? Other people deserve that life. I don't. I deserve only pain and fear." He sat down on the ground, bringing his knees to his forehead. "They're so much better than me."_

_ "Karkat, don't you ever talk about yourself like that! Not even the worst criminals are treated like you are."_

_ "What are you getting at, Kanaya? I am far worse than any of them."_

_ "How? How are you so much worse than criminals that you deserve to be treated like this?"_

_ "You… you really want to know?" He looked up, and saw Kanaya nod, "Alright. I killed my mother."_

_ "You… what?"_

_ "When she was giving birth to me, the strain was too much for her and her heart gave out. My dad… well…"_

_ "He blamed you for the loss of his wife. Did he treat her as poorly as he does you?"_

_ "As far as I know, he treated her like a queen. In the few times he mentioned her, he always talks in a reverent tone, almost idolizing. I think after I killed her, my dad went insane."_

_ "Stop it! Stop saying that you killed her! You had nothing to do with it!"_

_ "Really? Can you really tell me that my mother dying giving me life was not my fault? I see no way that it couldn't be my fault. He misses her so much that he is unwilling to kill her killer. Instead, he makes my life painful enough to attempt to atone for her murder."_

_ "Karkat, this wasn't your fault. I just don't understand how he is willing to torture the only link he has to his beloved wife. You're his child, for goodness' sake! He might be your biological father, but he is _not_ your real father."_

_ "He's all I've ever known. He doesn't drink or do drugs either. He knows exactly what he does to me, and he enjoys it! He laughs as I scream! He'll kill me if I try to get help."_

_ "If you don't get help now Karkat, you will die."_

_ "Would that be so bad? My life isn't worth living."_

_ "Karkat, you need to live! Fight! Do something to show that monster that calls itself human that you are not going to allow this anymore! Go!"_

Karkat came to screaming in pain. Kanaya's orders galvanized him into action. Steeling himself for the ordeal to come, he slowly pushed himself to his feet. The pain in his body was excruciating, but he kept repeating Kanaya's words. He walked on legs that held him by sheer force of will, shaking with every move he made.

Reaching the door, he pulled it open. His dad's door down the hall was shut, so he might be asleep. Pressure from supporting his head and shoulders had caused the brutally cauterized wounds on his chest to tear open and start weeping crimson tears. He walked down the hall to the kitchen, staggering each step he made. His body was dying, dehydrated for God knows how long and accompanied by massive blood loss. He reached the kitchen counter and reached for the phone.

He picked it up in shaky hands and dialed 911. It was immediately picked up.

"911, what is your emergency?"

"I- I don't know where to begin, but can you send an ambulance to apartment #69, third floor, Sandy Shores complex." He heard his father's door open; he had five seconds at best, "Hurry!"

A brutally thrown punch to his side caused him to scream. He hoped that was picked up by the phone. His dad made no move to end the call, just went on silently brutalizing Karkat. He simultaneously kneed Karkat between the legs and drove a double punch into his solar plexus, knocking the air out of his lungs. Karkat reached out to try to catch himself, but his dad caught his arm. Grinning wickedly, he moved his grip so that one hand was on the wrist and the other at the elbow. Karkat watched surreally as he slammed the area between his hands onto his rapidly rising knee. With a sickening snap and a mind-bending pain, his forearm snapped.

Karkat screamed as loud as he could, but having no breath in his lungs, made no sound. He watched in horror as his dad did the same thing with his other arm. Bone shards protruded from his already seriously injured arms, bleeding profusely. His dad laughed then, the wild, crazy laughter of a sadistic maniac. The pain was so intense that he normally would have passed out, but he couldn't find its welcoming embrace.

The maniac turned away and picked up a short, yet very, very sharp knife. He kneeled down on the floor and flipped Karkat over. As his weight was placed on one of his shattered arms, he shrieked in anguish. His dad began making long, deep cuts along his exposed back. There was no semblance of order to the lines; he just wanted to cause as much damage as possible to Karkat.

Eventually, Karkat felt the telltale signs of shock setting in. His dad had stopped tearing up his back and turned off the phone. He still couldn't feel unconsciousness approaching, but he felt… something else near. It was heavy, but also light and free. He knew that it was death, that his time had come. _Finally. I can just… sleep…_

He was startled back to reality by a forceful pounding on the door. "Open up or we'll knock this door off its damn hinges!"

There was no reply, so the sound of splintering wood came. The kitchen opening was facing the door, so the EMTs could see exactly what was going on. "Oh, shit!" was said many times. One vomited on the freshly splintered door. His dad stood up and charged them with his knife forward. He didn't get anything but a tazer to the chest.

"Hey, where's that stretcher! We need that RIGHT NOW!" Gentle hands lifted Karkat off the floor and placed him on a stretcher. He felt it being carried out of hell, down the stairs, and into the ambulance. When he was put in, the driver must have looked back.

"Holy God! What happened to this kid?"

"His dad was carving up his back and I saw more wounds on his chest. Now DRIVE, DAMMIT!" No time was wasted carrying out those orders. Karkat finally felt his oldest friend approach, and he wasted no time in accepting her offer. Sleep overtook him.

(Time Skip)

He woke up in another hospital bed, restrained once again, but in a different way. There were two bulky casts on his arms, his head was wrapped and so was his chest. He groaned to alert anyone in the room that he was, indeed, awake.

"Oh, you're awake," a female voice spoke, obviously relieved, "How do you feel?"

"I feel like complete shit."

"I understand. For a while it… didn't look like you'd make it. You were dehydrated and had lost so much blood it's a miracle you didn't die from lack of oxygen alone. And… all of your… other injuries too."

"I know. I remember getting them too. I… couldn't go unconscious at all."

"You mean to say that you suffered through the shattering of four bones, the shredding of your back, and God only knows what else _awake_?"

Karkat cringed at her tone. That tone meant pain. "Y-yes ma'am." He tried to keep the fear from seeping into his voice, but it still shook.

"Sorry, I just didn't think that the mind could even handle that much."

"Oh, please. There are probably people that could do that without even flinching. And I go and overreact and call an ambulance. You're so weak, Karkat! So pathetic!"

"Hey! That's enough of that! Trauma like that would _kill_ most people." The voice sounded alarmed at his self-hatred. "I'm going to go get some people. You need to talk about this."

The woman left, and soon returned with presumably more people. "I'm going to raise your bed so you can see us. Tell us if it hurts your back."

The bed below Karkat whirred and moved into a reclining position. The motion stretched his back and he felt some scabs open, but he said nothing.

"I am glad you're awake. We want you to tell us what exactly happened. Start at the beginning."

"At the risk of sounding horrible cliché, it all started when I was born…"

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: Yes, to anyone that might be wondering, things are looking up for Karkat. I've decided to use the diamonds as a time skip mechanism. They won't cover the entire line, but I am confused about the transition from Word to FanFiction formatting. So, until next time, enjoy and review! – Manic-Catastrophe**


	15. It's Darkest Before The Dawn

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: Really small note today. Even when dried and cleaned off, blood glows under UV light. Enjoy and review!-Manic-Catastrophe**

"… and so after he locked me in the trunk for a long time, he carved my chest up and cauterized it. I went unconscious for awhile and when I woke up, I decided to call the ambulance. The rest, you know what happened." Karkat finished his abbreviated life story, shaking somewhat from the horrific memories. He glanced up, looking for the first time at his audience. A woman in a lab coat stood on the left with her mouth hanging open and tears running down her face. A tall man standing next to her was resting his forehead in his palm, fingers massaging his temples.

"That… that's just… _unbelievable_!" the woman finally choked out, "How could you even live like that?"

"Well," Karkat replied slowly, "when it's the only life you've ever known and you've been told you deserve it, you don't really… fight it. You just let it happen."

"But didn't you see other people and want their life?" the man inquired.

"I did, once. I asked my dad about it and he told me that I deserved nothing but hell for-" he trailed to a halt, tears leaking out of his eyes again.

"For your mother dying in childbirth?" the woman finished gently.

"Y-yes. He told me I killed her. I asked that in first grade, and after he screamed at me for a few hours, he began his favorite activity."

"And that would be…?"

"He called it 'carving'."

The two looked at each other incredulously. The woman tried to say something, but was too choked up. So, the man asked instead, "Carving? He called it _that_? What kind of sadistic monster would even do such a thing like that? Let alone to a young _child_?"

Karkat was done talking, as he was being confronted with memories of his bones snapping, his flesh being carved and burned, and the absolute darkness of the car's trunk. His heart rate monitor started to go haywire.

"Oh, nice going Caliborn, you gave him a panic attack!" She turned out the door and called for a nurse to bring a sedative.

The nurse arrived within seconds and the woman injected a small amount into Karkat's thigh, "Just enough to calm him down. He'll sleep for an hour or so." The gathering of medical staff vacated the room, leaving Karkat alone with his memories once more.

Karkat awoke as suddenly as he had fallen asleep. His room was empty except for a chair and a nightstand next to his bed. He could have sworn he saw a shadowed figure slip away out of the corner of his eye, but he was completely alone in his small room. He felt… good actually. _How long has it been since I felt like this? No pain, nothing. I know I'm still injured, but the morphine must be working well. My body feels so… light._ He was engrossed in his lack of pain that he didn't notice the door open.

"Karkat!" Kanaya's voice snapped him out of his reverie. "What…what happened?"

Karkat sighed, "I don't really feel like telling you the whole story. I don't really want to… y'know, dredge up those… particular memories. Ask the nurse if you need."

"Dr. Meenah already told me what your injuries were, but refused to tell me anything about how you got them."

"Well, alright, but don't ask too many questions. This isn't exactly easy to talk about."

"Alright, I understand. Now, will you tell me what happened to you?"

"Okay. When I woke up in the hospital before, after being sedated, my dad was there." He paused for a moment, and Kanaya nodded, "He undid the restraints and took me to his car."

"But how? You certainly didn't come willingly…"

"Pulled me. By my hair." Kanaya flinched, knowing how badly that hurts. "He locked me in his trunk as we drove home, but when we got there, he left me in it. It was dark and hot. I don't know how long I was in there, but I was found on the day I got out."

"They got to you early morning of the 20th, and your dad abducted you out of the hospital on the 16th. You were in there for _four days?!_"

"I didn't know it was that long, but I guess so. I survived by wringing the sweat out of my hospital gown. Anyways, when he dragged me out and back up to our apartment, he threw me in the bathroom, telling me to take a shower. I spent a long time in there, as the water was… well, water. When I got out, I managed to get a pair of jeans on before guess-who-shows-up?

"He was not happy. Actually, he was pretty pissed. He broke my nose first, and…" he trailed off, swallowing hard, "he stabbed me through the forearms to the ground, and carved what felt like a whole novel into my chest. After that-" He choked up again, tears leaking out of his eyes freely, "After that he took a metal disk and a lighter and… well… you can imagine." He looked up at Kanaya. She too was weeping, her heart aching from hearing her friend's ordeal.

"I went unconscious for some time. While I was unconscious, I… had a dream. And you were in it."

"Really?" Kanaya was fascinated.

"Yeah, it was weird. I'd had another dream in the same place, only you were dancing."

"I had a dream like that too."

"Interesting. Well, in this dream you convinced me that I had to get help or I would die. I woke up and somehow managed to get to the phone in the kitchen. I called the ambulance, but my dad heard and actually lost it. He knocked me to the floor and snapped both of my arms." He shuddered, looking pale under his bandages, but Kanaya took his hand. He got himself back under control and continued. "After that, he flipped me over and made a ton of deep cuts along my back.

"The EMT got there before anything else happened. Dad charged them and got tazed. Then, you know the rest."

Kanaya looked at him with a new look in her eyes. Karkat had no idea what it meant, but Kanaya's words explained it, "That was possibly the most horrible ordeal anyone can go through. How did you even stay sane?"

"I don't know. I'm not sure that I actually am. I woke up and thought I saw a shadowy figure go back into the bathroom, but there was nothing."

"That's terrible."

"I guess so. Look, could you maybe get me some water? My throat is really dry."

"Sure, I'll go do that." She got up and left the room. Karkat closed his eyes and waited for her to get back. The door opened and he cracked his eyes again. "Here you go." Kanaya held the water in front of his mouth, evidently making the same realization that he had. He couldn't carry anything. He parted his lips as the glass began to tip slowly, letting the cool water cascade down his throat. Karkat drank like, well, like someone that hasn't had water go in the natural way for days.

When the whole glass, was gone, Kanaya reached over and set it on the table. "Thank you, Kanaya."

"You're welcome Karkat."

"By the way, what day is today?"

"Today is the 23rd. You were asleep for three days after they found you."

"Oh, God. Three days?"

"Yes. Don't worry, you haven't missed much at school."

"School? That's the least of my worries right now!" He gave a light laugh, the first Kanaya had ever heard from him. After a moment's thought, she joined in with him.

(The following occurred a few hours after Karkat being taken to the hospital)

Police chief Pyrope walked through the shattered doorway of #69, third floor. She was the first officer to set foot in the apartment. After hearing what had happened, she insisted to head the investigation. After all, crime was not very prevalent in this city. She took a look around the shabby apartment, not impressed. Then, she saw the blood in the kitchen. _Oh, shit! That's a lot of blood. _"Hey, Megido, get me a UV light."

The officer returned shortly with the designated tool, "Here chief. I don't know what you'll find- oh holy SHIT!"

Chief Pyrope turned on the light and the walls began to glow. "This is… horrifying. So much blood…" She walked through the rooms, the UV light her faithful guide. Some of the walls were less splashed than others, but all throughout the area the walls had been soaked with blood. The pair made their way to what they assumed to be Karkat's room and stopped dead in their tracks. There was a puddle of blood on the floor five feet in diameter.

Also, from the ceiling fan hung a short rope. From that rope hung a tall man dressed in dark clothing. As the corpse slowly rotated, Sergeant Megido gasped in horror as the duo saw that two long knives were driven through its eye sockets.

Chief Pyrope snorted, and then spat on the corpse. "Serves him right. What he did to that poor kid… it's unthinkable. I just wish he was alive so the prisoners could have a go at him. Child abusers don't do well in prison."


	16. Love Is A Tricky Path

_Karkat was lying in his hospital bed. He could not move, as per usual. A shadowed figure stood above him, the only defining feature on its face was the glowing white grin; the smile of a maniac. He struggled against his invisible bonds, but to no avail. The creature slowly, ever so slowly, reached out a hand and pressed it to Karkat's throat. He shook his hands and arms, trying to break free, but the bonds held him still. Then, his attacker spoke.  
_

_ "Did you really think you could escape me? Did you really think that I wouldn't find you? You are going to DIE!" A silvery blade appeared in its hand, already dripping blood. He pressed it to Karkat's throat and slowly drew it-_

"Karkat, wake up! It's just a dream!" Kanaya's voice brought him out of the nightmare. He opened his eyes and saw no shadowed figures or knives, and his limbs were unrestrained. "Karkat? Are you okay?"

"Y-y-yes." _You're so stupid, Karkat. It was just a dream. No need to be losing your shit over it._

"I'm sure. Do you want to talk about it?"

"No! It was just a stupid dream, nothing to get worked up about."

"And that's why you had a panic attack while you were asleep? You certainly got worked up about it."

"Fine," Karkat sighed, "I had a dream where my dad was in here."

"Is that all? He was just… present in the room?"

"No… he was… well… strangling me and about to… slit my throat when you woke me up."

"Karkat, that's… awful!" Kanaya looked rather pale, although she wasn't crying. This was nothing compared to what she'd heard earlier from him. "Do you need someone else to talk to? The hospital has a really good psychiatrist."

"No, no, I'm fine." _Don't want to be even more of a bother than I already am. God, such a waste of space._

"Karkat, this is actually really serious!"

"Don't worry about me; I'm safe from dad here."

"That's what I thought last time, but he still got you and did…that… stuff to you."

"He won't come for me in here. That's not how he works."

"How are you so sure?"

"When he comes for me, he won't do it in the same way. That would be predictable. He may be a monster, but never let it be said that he's a fool."

"Actually, Karkat," the female doctor interrupted, just coming into the room, "You don't need to worry about him anymore."

"Really? How do you know that?"

"A few hours after the ambulance picked you up, two police officers went in to investigate the apartment. They found him in your room. He was clearly dead."

"What?" Karkat asked, numbly, "What from?"

"Suicide. Short noose and two knives in his eyes. Very clearly dead."

"Do you have any pictures of him? So I can know that he's actually dead?"

"Are you sure you want to see them? They're rather gruesome…" she trailed off as she realized who she was talking to. "Well, alright, but don't say I didn't warn you." She pulled out a picture of the dead man's face, and showed it to Karkat.

He studied the picture for a moment, his face going white. "Th-that's… not him. That guy's face is too fat. Dad's face is thin. Also, this guy's teeth are yellow and chipped. Dad's teeth are perfect white. He actually killed someone…" he trailed off and his breathing became short and ragged. Kanaya went over and placed her hand on his shoulder and massaged gently.

"Shhh, shhh. It's alright. Calm down. He's not going to get you here." She gently spoke to Karkat until he calmed down. "There's a police guard outside the door when there's visitors in here, and he's in the room when you're asleep or when no one else is in here."

"Sorry. I just… I just wish that he'll get his soon."

"Oh, he will Karkat," the doctor assured him, "We already have out best people on the case. By the way, I don't think I ever introduced myself. I'm Dr. Piexies."

"It's nice to know the name of the woman who saved my life."

"It wasn't just me. There were a number of other surgeons that worked on you. I'm the one in charge of this section of the hospital."

"Okay."

"Well, I do have to get going. There'll be a nurse along in a few minutes with some food. You must be hungry after getting fed through IV for three days."

"Well, now that you mention it, I guess I am."

"Good!" Dr. Piexies turned around and left the room, leaving a strange silence in her wake.

Kanaya finally broke the quiet, "It's good to know that you'll be getting fed here. One of the nurses said that you were barely above 90 pounds."

Karkat was not surprised by that. "Up until you bought me lunch on the first day of school, I hadn't eaten for about 30 hours. And even then I only had an apple and a granola bar."

"That's just horrible. It seems like he was giving you just enough to survive, but nothing more."

"Pretty much. I was full from lunch for nearly twelve hours. It's been a while since I ever really had an appetite. I suppose my body was used to that little food?"

"That may be. I just can't understand how you could go that long without any food. And then you were locked in the trunk for nearly four days."

"That was possibly worse than anything else. I was so hungry I honestly thought about trying to eat the cloth of the hospital gown. Instead, I used it to absorb my sweat. I wrung it out a couple of times to drink it."

Kanaya shuddered in horror and disgust. _That's not even the act of a human. Karkat's dad is just a beast that happens to look like a man._ "I can't even imagine what that must have been like. I'm so sorry about what happened to you."

"There's no need to blame yourself. It wasn't your fault and you didn't know. If it's anyone's fault, it's mine." He stopped, tears leaking out of his eyes. "Kanaya, don't blame yourself, blame me! This was my fault!" His voice rose to a frantic tone and his body shook slightly. _She'll tear herself up over this and I'll lose the one friend I've ever had._

"No, Karkat, this was _not_ your fault. It was the thing that calls itself your father's fault." _Don't do this Karkat. Don't talk about yourself like that._ "Listen to me. Blaming yourself is not going to solve anything."

"I wasn't blaming myself for _that_. This whole situation is on me."

"What do you mean, I don't understand."

Karkat looked up at her, his eyes were wide and full of so many emotions: fear, pain, but above all was a self-hatred that made Kanaya take a step back. "I- I killed my mother."

Kanaya was stunned. "W-what?"

"She died giving me life. I was a big baby and she was apparently a small woman. The strain killed her. _I _killed her." Tears were flowing freely out of both eyes now, soaking the bandages around them. His entire body shook with his sobs, silent but powerful.

_He's silent because he's still afraid his dad might punish him for crying, probably. I can't even imagine living like that. _"Karkat, that wasn't your fault. Sometimes that happens. There's nothing you could have done to prevent that!"

He eyed her miserably. "I could have not been born," he mumbled, almost under his breath, "then everyone would be better off."

Kanaya just stood there, dumbfounded, watching the hopeless figure in front of her. _He hates himself so much. He actually believes it was his fault. I need to go get the psychiatrist._ She walked over to where her friend laid, tears still leaking from his eyes. She noticed with alarm that he was trying to move his arms, though they were encased in full-length casts. His hands were clenched in tight fists, the already pale skin going whiter at the joints.

She bent over his bandage-wrapped face and kissed him on the forehead. She stood back up and looked at his eyes again. They were still full of his self-hatred, but it was tempered by a new emotion. Love. With a start, she realized that this was probably the first kiss he had ever received. _He had no mother growing up and his father wouldn't. _She was about to leave when the door opened and a nurse came in bearing a tray of food.

She set it on the small table next to Karkat's bed. "Well, here's dinner!" she said brightly, dispelling the cloud of misery, "I'll let your girlfriend feed you, how's that?" She flashed a winning smile at the two. Karkat made some choked noise and Kanaya felt her face flush a deep red. The nurse gave one final laugh and left the room again.

"…not my girlfriend." Karkat finally managed to say.

"Hmmm? I rather thought we might be."

"WHAT?" Karkat spluttered, "You're just my friend! My only friend. I have no idea what _that_ entails, much less a real… relationship."

"Oh, stop it, I'm just teasing. You're so cute when you're angry."

Karkat said nothing, but his face grew to a shade resembling a tomato.

"Well, she was right that I have to feed you. You can't do it yourself yet."

"Fine," Karkat spat venomously. Then, he looked at what was on the plate. His mouth dropped open.

It stayed open for a long time. Kanaya decided to take the opportunity and shoved a forkful of mashed potatoes into it. He automatically chewed and swallowed, then looked at her. "I certainly won't be able to eat all of this. You should have some too."

"Are you sure? You ate more than this when-"

"That was different. I had had nothing for a long time. Now, I've had nutrition pumped in via IV. I'm hungry, but less than I was. Eat what you want."

Kanaya nodded, but continued feeding him until he said he was full. "Oh, man, that's the best meal I've had since… lunch on the first day of school. Actually," he added with a wry smile, "that's the _only_ meal I've had since then. Unless you count the granola bar I had the next morning."

"Wait a minute. You mean to tell me that this is the first meal you've had in a week?"

"I guess so… Anyways, you look hungry. Eat." Kanaya did as ordered. Karkat's tone offered no room for argument.


	17. Out With The Old, In With The New Part 1

Time passed. Karkat's arms healed at a rapid rate, much faster than the doctors predicted. Every single day, without fail, Kanaya came to visit him for hours at a time, usually doing her homework while in there. On weekends, she sometimes would spend the entire day there, talking with Karkat about school. After about a week, Karkat had healed enough to be able to do his homework. The pile was relatively small, as it was still in the beginning of the school year. She would often lend him her notes to copy down. He was especially grateful for this, as he quickly discovered that her notes were meticulously written and highly detailed.

Twice a week, he went to the therapist to try and recover mentally from his former life. The process was slow, but all parties agreed that he was well on the way to both mental and physical health. Eventually, after spending three weeks in the hospital, the question came up as to where he would go.

"It really isn't a question, Karkat. You are going to live with me and my mother." Kanaya was adamant on this point. "No one else really _knows_ you, and my mother would be delighted to have you live with us."

"Are you sure, Kanaya? I don't want to be a burden."

"Karkat, my mother would probably go mad if you went anywhere else. And so would I. Besides, we've already gotten the CPS paperwork filled out."

Karkat said nothing, just smiled at her. His eyes had finally begun to lose the look of constant fear and ever-pervasive hunger, and were slowly being replaced with a sense of trust and love. He had gotten more familiar with smiling too. Kanaya still thought that there was nothing more beautiful than his smile, and it only got better. Now, his entire face lit up when he smiled. His eyes sparkled and danced, throwing the light in ruby arcs.

His smile itself was something that Karkat was still worried about. It showed off his teeth brilliantly, but the disconcerting part was the fact that his teeth were identical to his dad's. They were pure, snowy white without a single crooked or chipped tooth.

"I guess it sort of looks like my dad's." The thought alone was enough to wipe the smile off his face.

"That may be, but why is that something to be ashamed of? You aren't your father, so what's the point of complaining of perfect teeth? I had to go through _years_ of orthodontia to get my teeth straight."

"Oh, right, sorry."

Eventually, the time came for Karkat to leave. The staff that worked on his floor threw him a small party to celebrate his recovery. His reaction to it, though, was remarkable. He walked out of his room to be confronted with a small crowd of nurses, doctors, and other patients that knew him. The area was decorated with balloons, streamers, and a large cake. The attendees were startled to see him break down in tears in front of them.

"Karkat, what's wrong?" Dr. Meenah asked.

"Oh, n-nothing," Karkat choked out, "it's just that this is the first party I've ever been to." He looked up at them, weeping honest tears of joy. "And, funny thing. Today is also my fourteenth birthday. Needless to say, it's the first one I've ever celebrated."

"That is a strange coincidence. I'm sorry we only got you one gift, but we didn't know your-" she was cut off by Karkat wrapping his arms around her.

"It's fine. It sure beats how my dad used to 'celebrate'. One slash per year, usually on my legs. I think that those scars are still there."

"Well, we don't celebrate in that… barbaric fashion here. Open the gift." The brightly wrapped box was brought forward.

Karkat carefully picked the tape off, leaving the paper intact. He opened the package and was overcome with emotion as he saw what it was. It was a collage of pictures taken from his stay at the hospital, each one a picture of him with one of the staff. They were arranged in a pattern that unmistakably spelled out 'LIVE!' He flipped it over and saw that each nurse, doctor, and assistant had written a note on the back.

"I-I don't know what to say. This is… well… the best gift I've ever received. Thank you." He beamed at the collected group.

The party was short, as all hospital parties must be, but Karkat enjoyed himself immensely. When it ended, Karkat and Kanaya walked out to the main lobby, where her mother was waiting.

"Hello, Karkat. It's great to finally meet you." Rosa stood from her seat. "I'm sorry I haven't been able to meet you sooner, but usually I have to get to work when I drop Kanaya off."

"Don't worry Ms. Maryam. I'm happy to finally meet _you_. Kanaya's told me a lot about you."

"Oh, please just call me Rosa. Ms. Maryam is my business name."

"Alright… Rosa."

"That's right!" Rosa beamed at him as the trio walked out of the hospital.

"So, uh, where do you live Rosa?"

"We live in a high-rise in the middle of the city. It's very nice up there. The height dampens the road noise to a very faint rumble, and to see it in the evening or the morning… it's just indescribable. You will like it there."

"It certainly sounds like it." The group arrived at Rosa's car, a high-end sedan. Karkat half instinctively headed for the trunk before realizing Rosa was looking at him strangely. "Oh, right," he mumbled, his face coloring, "I used to ride in the trunk on the few occasions that dad would drive me somewhere. It's still a habit of mine."

"That's just inhuman to treat someone that way. Until further notice, you will sit shotgun, alright?"

"Heh, sounds fine by me."

The drive to Karkat's new home was rather surreal for him. He had never seen the city from this perspective, or indeed, really ever seen it. He always walked with his head down before. "This is just so… weird! I walked along this road every day back when I went to elementary school."

Eventually, they arrived at the high-rise. They all got out, and Rosa handed the keys to a valet. Once inside, Karkat's jaw nearly hit the floor when he saw how fancy the place was. Everything from the carpet to the chandeliers caught his attention. Riding in the glass elevator, Kanaya smiled softly, seemingly amused by something.

"This is my favorite place in the late afternoon. The light from the city is golden and it's nearly silent in here. It's so peaceful."

"I feel the same way Kanaya," Rosa agreed, "there's nothing like riding these elevators in the evening. But wait until you see the view from our apartment. One entire wall is a window."

"That sound amazing."

"Oh, it is. We like to watch the city in the morning. The light is sometimes ruby red, just like your eyes… and apparently your face."

"Oh, stop it mom. Don't embarrass him!" Kanaya's tone was far from serious, though.

The elevator chimed, signaling their floor. They stepped out into the softly lit hallway, Karkat still gaping at the carpet.

"Hey, I _really_ like this carpet."

"Oh, that? That was actually designed by a former high school student. I think his name was… Ampora. Cronus Ampora."

"Well he certainly did a good job."

"No arguments here. Although it is hard to keep clean. There's a special contractor that does it weekly. They certainly do a lucrative business here."

The triad finally approached their destination, and Karkat's heart doubled its pace. _So this is it. My new life awaits me._ Kanaya opened the door and Karkat looked out in wonder through the room and out the massive floor-to-ceiling, wall-to-wall window, offering an unparalleled view of the cityscape. _This, this is my new home. I actually have a family now._ He walked over the threshold with a sense of wonder, and began his new life with a smile on his face.

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: Sorry for the rather short chapter today. I am really busy on Tuesdays, and the fact that I am pretty mother-glubbing tired doesn't help. Still, it should be a nice bridge chapter with some more character development. As always, enjoy and review (I can't get better without help). –Manic-Catastrophe**


	18. Out With The Old, In With The New Part 2

"This… this place is incredible!" Karkat looked around the living space. It was designed in the latest style. The TV area was populated by a couple of low couches, evidently designed for just such a space. An equally short glass-topped coffee table served both couches at arm's reach, its surface clear except for a small, wizened bonsai tree. Karkat stood a few feet from the doorway, with his mouth doubling as a flycatcher.

"I'm glad you feel that way. We do like to keep it rather uncluttered. I always think that a physical clutter makes for a mental clutter."

"Yeah, that makes sense."

Over the next few minutes, Karkat was given a brief tour of his new home, along with the rules of the roost.

"So, here's Porrim's old room. We redecorated it for you, so your room won't be pink and covered in fashion and psychology posters. In here, the laws of common sense apply. It's your room, but I do expect you to keep it reasonably clean. But you don't need to keep it spic-and-span, alright? Just… within reason."

"Okay, that sounds fair."

"Kanaya's room is across the hall, and the bathroom is down there. My room is at the other end, and my office is next to it, although I rarely use the office. I prefer to work out in the kitchen, where there's natural light."

"The office really only has the printer and some bookshelves." Kanaya explained.

"Right. This sure is a nice room. It's just so… _big_. I have no clue what to do with all of this space."

"I know, right?" Kanaya agreed, "I have some shelves along the walls, along with a small table and chair for reading."

"Hmm. That sounds like a pretty good idea to me."

Rosa smiled at him, then walked back out towards the kitchen. "Let's have some lunch before we go."

"Wait, where are we going?"

"Shopping, of course! You can't just go around wearing black all the time, can you?" She cut off Karkat's attempted response. "Not in my home! It bleaches the color out of your skin, makes you look like a ghost."

The sun was just beginning to set when the trio returned from their shopping trip, all three laden with bags. Karkat had gone up multiple sizes during his stay at the hospital, probably because of the consistent, hearty meals. His ribs no longer jutted out, although they still showed. His skin, especially his torso, was still a horrific mess of scars but they were beginning to heal. He would always have scars, both physically and mentally, but the love and attention from just one day had already begun to work miracles.

Karkat heaved his bags up onto his bed and emptied them, making sure to remove all of the tags before sorting them into piles for laundry. _Wow. That is a lot of clothing. I do suppose that's what happens when you get an entirely new wardrobe._ He went back out into the kitchen.

"Hey, where're the laundry machines?"

Rosa looked up from dicing vegetables for dinner, "They're through that door there," she pointed, "Kanaya can show you how to use it. Kanaya!"

Kanaya explained the machine, and Karkat duly got his laundry going. He was going to go back to his room, but Kanaya pulled at his hand and pointed out the window. "Look. It's a golden sunset tonight." She said, half whispering in awe.

"Wow. I've never even seen the city like this. It's so…"

"Amazing," Kanaya finished, speaking in a quieter voice still, "Sometimes, if mom is late because of work, I'll go up to the roof. You can see the entire city from there. And when it's like this… it's just majestic."

"Why don't we go up there now?"

"Sure," she turned and called to Rosa, "Hey mom? Is it alright if I show Karkat the roof?"

"Go ahead, just be back in half an hour. I'm making stir-fry."

Based off of Kanaya's anticipatory moan, Karkat was immediately assured that Rosa was an excellent cook. They walked back to the elevators in a friendly silence, and once inside, Karkat understood why Kanaya loved them. The light streamed in from the glass sides, gilding everything in its soft glow. The ride was short, as their apartment was near the top. All to soon, the chime came, signaling the end of the trip.

The roof was not empty by any means. There was a small greenhouse growing various plants as well as some benches near the edge. There were a few other people on the roof, but the atmosphere was silent. "When people come up here, they like it to be quiet. It's a popular spot to come up and watch the sunset." Kanaya whispered.

They chose a bench on the west side of the building to watch the sun slip below the horizon. Kanaya sat on a side with an armrest, and Karkat nearly sat in the middle, but instead took the other armrest. From the tension in his face, Kanaya knew something was troubling him.

"What's wrong, Karkat?" Kanaya asked, keeping her voice down. She nearly asked again, thinking he had not heard her, but he finally responded.

"I guess it's just a whole lot to take in at once. You and your mom… you're both so positive. It's hard to make such a paradigm shift this fast." His voice was low, but filled with emotion. Karkat gripped his knees in his hands so hard that the knuckles turned white. He looked at her, his eyes wide. "… so beautiful." he breathed, barely audible.

"What was that? I didn't hear you."

"Oh, I just said that it's so beautiful up here." _You're so beautiful anywhere. _"I really think I'm going to love living here." _I really think I love you Kanaya._ "Thanks for bringing me here."

"You're welcome. I like it up here too." _I like you up here, Karkat._

They lapsed into silence again, and watched as the last fiery rays of the sun vanished below the horizon. They both jumped a little when they Karkat accidentally put his hand down on top of Kanaya's. However, neither of them made a move to break the contact. They slowly turned their heads to look in each other's eyes, Kanaya's bright emeralds meeting Karkat's deep rubies. Kanaya wore a smile on her face, while Karkat's expression was nervous. His throat jumped as he swallowed.

"Kanaya…" he whispered, almost as if saying it for the first time, "I really like being up here… with you." _Karkat, don't screw this up, don't screw it up, don't screw it up!_

"I do too, Karkat." As she spoke, a light blush crept onto her face, "I've never been up here with someone else. Even when mom and I come up here, we like to sit alone. It's so peaceful."

They fell silent again, still facing each other. An indeterminable amount of time passed, and they both snapped out of their trance-like state.

Kanaya checked the time on her phone, "Oh, no, Karkat. We've got to go."

The pair stood up, still holding hands and walked back to the elevators. Karkat looked rather crestfallen. One more familiar with Kanaya would have noticed she was disappointed too, but she hardly let it show. They rode the elevator in silence, but it was a different silence than before. It was friendly still, but laced with… tension.

They traversed the hallway far faster than they had earlier, nearly running back. They stopped just short of the door and finally let go of each other's hand, not realizing that they had been holding hands the whole time. Kanaya unlocked the door and they both slipped in.

"Good, you're back. I was about ready to call you."

"Sorry, mom. We uh… kinda lost track of time."

"Oh, it's fine. That happens to me sometimes when I'm up there." She gave them a knowing smile, seeing their flushed faces. "Well, dinner's ready."

"Wow, that was fantastic Rosa! It sure does beat hospital food, that's for certain."

"Thanks, Karkat. We don't really eat out a whole lot because I don't like how greasy it is. Upsets my stomach."

"Ah. I didn't really… eat… a whole lot… before…" Karkat dropped his gaze and trailed off.

"You will be eating here though. You gained at least ten pounds in the hospital, but you're still far too skinny."

They cleared the table and put the leftover stir-fry in a container. Kanaya and Rosa moved to do the dishes, but Karkat would not let Rosa. "You made dinner, we'll clean up."

"Are you sure? I usually do my own dishes…" she stopped protesting when Karkat looked at her. _Okay, that's unnerving. I suppose that's what it's like to be on the receiving end of that stare._

When the dishes were clean, Karkat took care of his laundry, getting het next load going. In the meantime, Kanaya and Rosa picked out a movie to watch. Karkat saw them and groaned theatrically.

"_Please_ don't tell me it's _another_ crappy Rom-Com. The TV channel in my hospital room only ever showed these God-awful romantic comedies. I must have seen every single one in existence."

"No, it's not one of _those_ movies," Kanaya rolled her eyes, "Those are the absolute worst. This is…" she glanced at the cover, "_The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring_. It's one of our favorites."

"I've never even heard of it. What's it about?" Karkat flopped down on the couch and watched the first _real_ movie he had ever seen, amidst by his new family.

** AUTHOR'S NOTE: Yes, I did just attempt to write some fluff-stuff. If it's bad, please forgive me. I have no experience with this type of thing. And yes, I am a HUGE Lord of the Rings fan. I thought that might be a rather funny quirk; the proper girl loving epic fantasy. Slightly non-canon, but hey, this is my story. *My Precious*. As always, enjoy and review!-Manic-Catastrophe**


	19. Love And War

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: The / pattern will be used now to show a Point of View shift. Also, I'm planning on wrapping this up by around… chapter 30 or so. As always, enjoy and review!-Manic-Catastrophe**

Kanaya was lying awake in bed, thinking about the drastic changes she had seen in Karkat over the past month. Thoughts and images spun through her mind, recounting her relationship with him so far. She remembered him on the first day of school, how he had been so afraid and hungry. She remembered seeing him repeatedly smashing his head into a wall, and how he had run away from her in fear. _He's come a long way… but I think he's not fully healed yet, despite the façade he puts up. _She had noticed him out of the corner of her eye lapsing back into his old self. When he thought no one was looking, he would slump inwards, as if he didn't really believe that he was actually living like this.

_I can't really blame him though. He's been through far too much to just… snap out of it like that. Nearly fourteen years of constant degradation and abuse… his scars won't ever go away. _She heard a door creak slightly, and soft footsteps go down the hallway. Curious, she got out of bed and exited her room too. She poked her head out and saw Karkat's figure slip around the corner leading to the living room. Kanaya followed, and saw Karkat open the door to their apartment and exit. She grabbed her key and followed him.

Once in the hallway, she had lost sight of him, but she knew where he would go: the roof. Sure enough, as soon as she got to the elevator, its dial showed that the elevator was at roof level. She called it and followed, admiring the city lights on the ride up. The lights in the hall and elevator were dimmed at night, so she could easily see out of the glass. When the elevator finally reached the roof, she stepped out carefully, looking for Karkat.

She did not immediately see him, so she checked behind the greenhouse. He was there, standing near the edge, looking out at the city. He stood there for a few minutes before sitting on a bench. From his posture, Kanaya could tell he was holding his head in his hands, most likely thinking. They both stood there like statues, neither one moving as the minutes stretched on. Finally, Karkat broke the silence.

"I know you're there Kanaya. Come and sit down." He moved over on the bench and patted the now-vacant space next to him.

"Thanks," she sat down right next to him and reached for his hand, "How did-"

"-I know you were here? I can sort of… _sense_ when I'm being watched." He leaned back and took Kanaya's proffered hand. Heaving a massive sigh, he turned his head to look at her, "It's a really great place to think up here. It's so quiet and beautiful."

"Yes… it is. Why are you up here?"

"I wasn't sleeping well; I've got a lot on my mind." He paused, seemingly gathering his thoughts. "It's a lot to take in. A month ago, I never would have dreamed I'd be up here. A month ago, I didn't know if I'd be alive by now."

Kanaya tried, but couldn't come up with anything to say. _This doesn't really require words. This is Karkat opening his soul to me._

"I guess that a large part of me doesn't believe that this is actually real. It's saying that this can't be real because I'm still locked in that trunk and I'm just hallucinating." His body started to shake gently, "You don't know what that's like Kanaya. To be locked in a tiny, dark space. There was no light, none at all. That was the worst thing I've ever been through, even worse than what happened… after." His voice broke and he shook with quiet sobs, reliving his nightmare again and again.

Kanaya reached out and put her arm around him, trying to comfort him in the only way she thought would work. Eventually, his sobs subsided and he looked at Kanaya again, his fear written all over his face. "It's alright, Karkat. You're safe here, we're not going to hurt you."

"I know _that_, it's just as long as dad's still out there, I know I can't be completely safe. He broke into a hospital to get at me, Kanaya, and nobody even saw him going in or out. How?"

"I can't answer that, Karkat, but I do know how he found you. And you do too."

He nodded, "Mmm hmm. The GPS tracker in my skull." He winced at the memory.

"Right, but remember. They took it out at the hospital and smashed it to tiny bits. He's not finding you."

"He could," Karkat straightened up, the color draining out of his face, "He knows where I go to school. All he would have to do is follow us home and then…" He trailed off, nearly hyperventilating.

"Karkat, look at me! He. Will. Not. Find. You. Understand?" She winced at the sharpness in her own voice.

"Al-alright." Karkat was shocked by the sudden steel in her voice, but not scared. He knew that she, at least, would never hurt him. The two fell silent again and instead watched the city, holding hands all the while.

Eventually, Karkat stood, stretching his muscles that had gone stiff. "We should get back. I'm feeling tired now."

Kanaya agreed, and they both returned to their rooms. She was asleep the moment her head touched the pillow.

_She was once again dancing on the grass. Her dance was even more complex and graceful than ever before, and she reveled in her sense of weightlessness. She danced for what felt like hours until she saw Karkat standing in his obsidian suit. _

_ "Karkat! Come join me!" Kanaya called out._

_ "I still don't know how." He looked at her with a hunger in his eyes, the hunger to learn._

_ "I will teach you, just take my hand."_

_ Nervously, he reached out his hand and stepped forward, his entire body shaking in anticipation. His small hand slipped into hers, surprisingly strong and warm. Through his nervousness, he looked her in the eyes and smiled. "Teach me, Kanaya."_

_ She began slowly, walking through the motions with him. Eventually, his body slipped into the rhythm, hearing the inaudible music that permeated the area. His awkward motions smoothed out, and his nervousness vanished. The two danced together to music that wasn't there, moving in patterns so complex that it was impossible to gather every motion. _

Kanaya was jolted awake by her alarm clock, for once angry at it. _And it was such a nice dream, too._ She shut it off and began getting ready for the day.

/ Karkat's P.O.V. /

Karkat paced his room for an hour after coming down from the roof. _Why couldn't you just say it, Karkat? She was right there!_ Eventually, he too felt tired and slipped into bed. It took him a while to fall asleep though.

_He stood on the dancing lawn again, watching Kanaya dance. When she implored him to join her, a shadow detached itself from the ground. It circled and eyed him warily. The substance of its darkness was torn and tattered however; it was weak. _

_ "You know you can't join her," it whispered, its voice a sibilant hiss, "You are nothing. She's lifting you up to drop you further."_

_ "That is not true," Karkat spoke with utter conviction now, "she cares about me, and I care about her."_

_ "LIES! You mean nothing to her!"_

_ "SHUT UP! _You _mean nothing to me." Karkat shifted his stance, spreading his feet to shoulder width and bending his knees slightly. The shadow noticed this and laughed._

_ "Oho! Do you mean to fight me?" It bared its teeth. "You cannot hope to win."_

_ Karkat lunged forward and grabbed the creature by its neck and tackled it to the ground. With his free hand he rained blows on its face. "You. Are. NOTHING!" He screamed, punctuating each word with a blow. The shadow growled and Karkat flew backwards, landing hard on the ground. _

_ It rose up off the grass, the area around it withered where it had lain. Its form grew, and the darkness grew with it. "_I_ am nothing? I am everything! I am YOU!" It bellowed in rage, but Karkat stood against its fury._

_ "No, dad. You aren't me." As this conviction burned into his heart, it manifested itself as a brilliant silver sword in his hand. "Now, shall we begin?" He dashed forward again, the sword splitting the darkness where it passed. _

_ The creature looked at him with fear now. It backed away, but it could not escape Karkat. With a mighty shout, he drove the length of the blade into the shadow's heart. It screamed, a horrible sound to hear, but to Karkat, it was beautiful. _

_ "May you rot forever." He pulled out the sword, and with one final swing, the shadow's head fell off. It dissolved into smoke that was blacker than black. All that remained where it had been was a small knife and a single silver tooth._

_ He returned to Kanaya, where she stood in shock at what had just occurred. Saying nothing, he took her hands, and they began to dance. _

Karkat woke with a smile on his face. The alarm clock next to his bed went off right as he got up. He turned it off and looked around, momentarily disoriented. Shaking his head to clear the residual sleepiness, he got dressed and went out to the kitchen. Anyone watching would have seen a new spring in his step, and a new gleam in his eye.


	20. Back To The Daily Grind

Standing before the imposing walls, Karkat felt intimidated again. After all, it had been six weeks since he had last been here. Fortunately, Kanaya had brought him her notes and extra copies of classwork. He was all caught up, but he was nervous about going back in there. _I know nobody here except for Kanaya. Even the teachers don't really know me. _Kanaya must have sensed his trepidation because she took his hand and whispered in his ear.

"Don't worry, Karkat. It's going to be just fine, you'll see."

He looked at her with a new confidence in his face. "Let's go then." He stepped forward through the gates. Kanaya had to walk with him or be dragged. She chose the former. Although he exuded a sense of confidence, she could tell that he was still afraid. He gripped her hand like a lifeline. Karkat stopped just short of the courtyard, his eyes scanning the area.

Kanaya took the lead, pulling him forward. He stumbled behind her for a few steps before catching up to her. "At least warn me before doing that," he complained.

She turned to look at him, a smirk on her face, "You did that to me a minute ago."

He glanced away and his head dropped, "Sorry," he muttered, "I didn't think there…" His voice trailed off into indistinct mumblings that were lost in the clamor.

Kanaya ignored his inarticulate self-berating. Instead, she increased her pace, half-dragging Karkat behind her. They wove through the crowd, Kanaya trying to find a good quiet place to talk. She did not lead him to the grassy area, as it was too far away. Instead, the two went into one of the smaller courtyards off of the main one. There were a few people there, evidently getting their procrastinated homework assignments completed before first hour.

"Look Kanaya, I can't go through the whole day with you literally holding my hand and dragging me around."

Kanaya looked down at their clasped hands. She was gripping Karkat's hand so hard that it was crooked and had turned white. "Sorry," she apologized, loosening her grip, "I guess I thought you'd get separated from me. I'm just worried about you."

"You know, you don't need to worry. I know my way to my classes. Even if we did get separated, it's not like it's the end of the world, right?" He gave a half laugh and a half smile before falling silent once more.

"I guess you're right… I just can't shake the feeling that if you go and wander off without me that something bad will happen to you. You've had more than a lifetime's worth of hardship. I couldn't bear to see anything happen to you."

"Kanaya, you need to realize that I'll be alright. You have to stop worrying about me, alright?"

She hugged him, pulling him tight. She noticed that his chin rested on her shoulder. _He must have grown a lot in the hospital._ "Okay, Karkat. I'll stop fretting over you, just so long as you promise to try and stay out of trouble."

"Sounds fair." He stepped back and looked her in the eye. As always, they both got a thrill out of seeing the others' eyes. "I think it's time for the bell to ring, we should get to class."

As predicted, right as he finished saying it, the deep tolling of the bells began: five long, heavy strokes. The two waved goodbye and ran to their respective classes.

Karkat got in to Ms. Crocker's class and talked with her briefly. She knew that he had been out in the hospital, and was happy to see that he had finally returned. Since he had been keeping up with his classwork, he was right on par with what the rest of the class knew. Actually, he knew most of the material better than the class, because of Kanaya's notes. _Thank God for Kanaya's notes._

In study hall, he repeatedly thanked Kanaya for her notes. She responded by saying that it was anything a decent human being would do. They spent the rest of the hour talking. Leaving the class together, Karkat remembered his first day, how he had tried to drive Kanaya away. _That was the biggest mistake of my life. I should have just told someone. Bu, then dad still would have found out somehow and then… ouch._

Strider insisted on welcoming Karkat back in front of the whole class. He could have punched that insufferable prick in the face, but he decided against it. _Best not to get sent to the office the first day back._ As the class got underway, Karkat was surprised that Strider actually knew how to teach, and very well too. It was rare that he was so interested in class, but Strider actually made Social Studies seem like a real subject. Right then, they were going over the effects of slave revolts in the Roman Empire.

"… and so when the Roman legion finally arrived at the quarry where the slaves were hiding, they didn't try to go in there and kill them. Instead, the clever bastards put guards at each entrance and starved them out. By the time it was over, there were only a handful of slaves left, and they were quickly used as entertainment."

A girl in the middle of the class raised her hand, "Uh, what exactly do you mean by 'entertainment'?"

Strider gave an evil-sounding laugh, "Well, what did the Romans like the most?" he paused, waiting for an answer. When none came, he continued, "Blood sport. They'd throw criminals and slaves in the Coliseum and have them fight each other, or wild animals." Most of the class nodded, as if they already knew this, but Strider pressed on, a feral grin on his face, "Some of the time, if the gladiators won the favor of the people, the emperor would free them. But, more often than not, they kept fighting until the lions tore them to so many tiny, bloody scraps."

The girl who had asked was disgusted, but intrigued all the same, "So… that kinda sounds like The Hunger Games, doesn't it?"

"Exactly!" Strider was positively frothing at the mouth now, rabid with excitement of, apparently, imagining the gladiatorial contests. Karkat made a mental note never to get in a fight with this guy. _He could seriously fuck me up_. He glanced back at Kanaya, and saw that she was slightly disgusted. _Well, she _is_ rather sensitive to that kind of stuff_.

The rest of the class passed without much more incident, except for when Strider went off on a short anecdote about Roman execution. A large amount of the class looked rather sick at this, and Kanaya was positively ill. _She'll not want to talk about this later. Although, this really is interesting. They could execute someone over seventeen days by having flies eat the bodies of the condemned? Cool! Gross, but still…_

English was his hardest class. Ms. Lalonde was obviously a no-nonsense teacher, but she didn't have to have a quiz every single day, did she? She was a good teacher and kept the class focused rather easily. _Although, she has had six weeks to get them in line._ He was never any good at writing or analyzing literature.

Lunch came, and Karkat sighed with relief when he realized that he didn't have to mooch off of Kanaya anymore. He bought lunch and then went to their usual spot, the grassy strip. She was already there, though she had no food with her.

"Hey, Kanaya. What's up?" Karakt sat down across from her, unwrapping the cellophane from his sandwich.

She gave a weak smile, "In Social Studies, when Strider was talking about the Roman's methods of torture, it reminded me of… well…"

"What happened to me?" Karkat finished. Kanaya nodded, her face going pale. "Well, I survived and am fine now."

"Still, it rather killed my appetite."

"That's too bad. You should be fine missing a meal though. Lunch is usually the best meal to skip, if you actually have to skip one." He patted her on the shoulder, "You'll be alright by dinner." He then proceeded to wipe the sandwich from existence in a few bites.

As he ate, Kanaya spoke, "Well, I do suppose you're the expert. That last method he mentioned… what was it? Scaphism? That is just disgusting!"

Karkat responded through his sandwich before swallowing and repeating himself, "Yeah, that's rather gross, but it's still pretty cool, right? I wish I could do that to my dad."

Kanaya looked sharply at him, face going completely white, "No way, that's just too cruel. Getting eaten alive by flies is far too cruel for a human being!"

"I'm not sure that he is a human being. Anyways, I wasn't serious. No, I'd just shoot him in the head and be done with it." He started on his apple.

"How can you eat when we're talking about this? I might be sick."

"Practice, mostly. When you're trying to eat when your chest is carved up, some pretty gruesome images come into your head. I've been immunized to that particular reaction."

The rest of lunch was spent mostly in silence, except for the sounds Karkat's various foods made as he ate. Kanaya just sat in the grass, trying not to throw up.

Eventually, the bell rang, signaling the end of the lunch hour. Karkat stood, helped Kanaya up, and picked up his trash. They walked to the Science building in silence, Karakt throwing his trash in a bin along the way. Once inside Mr. Egbert's room, Kanaya's spell of silence was broken.

"Make sure to go and talk to him before the beginning of class, Karkat," she instructed, "Otherwise he'll notice you right in the middle class and get distracted. He's not a bad teacher though!" She added, seeing Karkat roll his eyes. "He's just… excitable, that's all."

"Alright." He got up and went over to Mr. Egbert's desk. Mr. Egbert looked up at Karkat and his face split in a slightly cross-eyed grin.

"Hey, Karkat! I was just reading the e-mail that Snowman sent out. It's good to know that you're back, but if you need to talk to anyone… there's Snowman in the office and all of your teachers… well, in their rooms." He said this all very fast, not pausing for breath at all. As Karkat had noticed the first day, he spoke as if he was always slightly distracted.

"Thanks…" Karkat turned and walked back to his desk, only to find it already occupied by… "Hey, who the FUCK are you?"

The person sitting in his desk turned and looked at him with surprise, "Karkat?"

"Oh, wow… never thought I'd see you again 'Thollucth'."

Sollux's eyes widened behind his tinted glasses, "I didn't think you'd remember me. I gueth it'th been tho long thinth I've theen you that I thought you'd forget me."

"I nearly did. The lisp's still as bad as ever, huh?"

"Yeah, it ith. Theems that thpreech therapy doeth'nt work with thith… condition. I wath jutht chatting with Kanaya over here about clath. Biology… kinda thucth for me."

"So life doesn't work like computers do. Big deal."

"It'th more than that. With computerth you can tell it ecthatly what to do, and it'll do it perfectly, every time. With people… they're… methy."

"Sollux Captor, computer programmer extraordinaire since age 5," Karkat announced in his talkshow host voice, "And yet the autisms are as strong as ever."

Sollux made some sort of 'pfft' noise and left. Karkat slid into his seat and glanced at Kanaya. "Well," he asked, "Just talking about class, huh?"

"Yes, of course!" Her response came a half second too quickly though, and Karkat glared at her. "Karkat, I'm not… interested in him. We're friends."

Karkat studied her face, and then let his glare slide off. "Okay." They were spared further bouts of conversation by Mr. Egbert getting up to the front of the class.

"Alright, alright, settle down everyone." The class quieted, listening expectantly. "Okay, so continuing off of Friday's lecture…"

"Well, that was…"

"An interesting analogy he used there, I know." Kanaya finished for him. "Hey, I'm sorry but I need to go. The Arts building is across campus and…"

"Sure, go on. I need to talk to Mrs. Noir to get my elective." He waved goodbye to Kanaya and set out for the office.

The crowd was thick, and he was still a few inches shorter than most people. He didn't see Equius until he literally ran face-first into the jock.

"Hey, watch where you're going!" the unmistakable growl filtered through the crowd. Suddenly, there was nobody around except for him and Equius. A shiver went down Karkat's spine. Equius looked at him, fists clenching and unclenching. He erupted in a flurry of movement, and Karkat found himself pinned to a wall. _Where did that wall come from?_ Equius' hands were wrapped around his neck, holding him to be at his eye level.

"You again. We just keep running into each other." Karkat tried to respond, but no air could get through his constricted windpipe. Instead, he jerked his knee up to Equius' face. He roared in pain and dropped Karkat, clutching at his face. Karkat stood up and rushed forward, kneeing Equius in the groin. He let out a pathetic whimper and slid to the ground, blood dripping from between his fingers.

Karkat dusted himself off and walked past Equius. As he walked by, Equius' hand shot out and grabbed his ankle. Before he knew it, Karkat was lying on his back as Equius stood over him. He spat on Karkat, the phlegm tinted red with blood. As Karkat lied there dazed, Equius kicked him in the side. Karkat curled up into a ball while he rained blows onto Karkat's back.

"HEY, YOU THERE! STOP!" a loud voice shouted from across the courtyard. Equius stood up and turned. A burly security guard was charging at him. Seeing this, Equius turned and ran, his footsteps shaking the ground. The guard charged past Karkat, chasing after Equius. _You'll never catch him. _Even in grade school, Equius had been able to outrun anyone, and time had only improved his speed.

Karkat groaned and stood up. The guard walked back towards him sheepishly. "I lost him. Do you know his name, by any chance?"

Karkat coughed through his swollen throat, before wheezing out a response. "Yeah, I know the guy. *cough cough* His name is *cough* Equius Zahhak."

"Equius Zahhak," the guard repeated, writing the name down in a notepad. "Come with me, we'll get you to the nurse's office. Karkat shook his head in protest.

"It's fine. My throat is a bit swollen, but I'm fine otherwise."

"Well, if you're sure…" the guard trailed off. "Is there a class you need to get to?"

"I need to get an elective still."

"Still? It's been, like, six weeks."

"I was… out." The two walked into the office and parted.

"Hey, kid, I'll see you around. If you see anyone else like that, don't hesitate to tell me. I'm Officer Nitram, by the way. You are…?"

"Karkat Vantas. I'll keep you informed." He turned away with a wave, walking down the long hallway to Mrs. Noir's office. He checked to see that the collar of his shirt hid the finger marks and drank from the water fountain to reduce the swelling in his throat. Immediately after knocking on the door, he was invited in.

"Ah, Mr. Vantas. It's good to see you back in full health."

"It's good to be back, Mrs. Noir." He winced at the scratchiness of his voice.

Mrs. Noir noticed this and honed in on it. "Sore throat?"

"Yeah. Nothing to worry about though." He dismissed the line of conversation with a casual wave. "So, I'm here to get an elective… finally."

"Yes. However, before we do that, is there… anything you want to talk about, perchance?"

"Not that I _want_ to talk about, but you probably want to _hear_ about."

"It's alright if you don't want to dredge up those… unpleasant memories, you don't have to."

"No, no, it's fine. Just… don't interrupt me." Mrs. Noir nodded as if to say _fair enough_. "Okay, so really the worst part of the whole… ordeal was being locked in the trunk." From her gasp, Karkat guessed that she hadn't heard about that. "I was in complete darkness and it was hot. Very hot. My head hurt like hell, my rib hurt, and my arm wasn't feeling so good either. I just… laid there… for hours. Not knowing if I was dead or alive… _wanting_ to be dead… I was so thirsty I had to drink my own sweat. Towards the end, I began to hallucinate. I saw… well… that's unimportant. That trunk was hell, Mrs. Noir. Every time I go to bed, I leave a light on so that I know I can get out. I… still can see the darkness. Every time I close my eyes… it's there… waiting for me.

"You can't even imagine the relief I felt when the trunk opened. Even though it was my dad there, the rush of air was heaven. After that, I… I'm not going to bring that up." He looked up at Mrs. Noir, face pale.

"I'm sorry that happened to you, Karkat. Truly. You're right though, I can't imagine what that would be like." She straightened in her seat, "So do you mind if I ask a few questions?"

"Fire away."

"Do you know how long you were in there?"

"From what I figured out, a little under four days. It felt like a lifetime."

"Four days…" she shuddered, "When the police went in there, the report said that the walls were absolutely covered in blood. Why?"

"What? I thought that I cleaned it all off…"

"Blood is fluorescent under UV light."

"Ah. The blood is from various different things. A lot of it came from him flinging knives after finishing with them. Sometimes he'd collect some blood and throw it on the walls, and make me clean it off."

"So he was sober when he did this?"

"Oh yes. I didn't lie to you when you asked me if he drank. He was always sober. He hated me."

"If you don't mind me asking… why did he hate you?"

Karkat's face went black for a moment, and when he spoke, it was in a quiet voice. "When-when I was born… I killed my mother."

"What?" Mrs. Noir responded numbly.

"She died in childbirth. Her heart gave out. He blamed me, fourteen years later… here I am." He looked down at his lap, a tear dripping from one eye.

"I'm so sorry. But don't say that you killed her. It's rare, but some women still do die in childbirth."

"Sorry, it takes a while to get used to not living in fear all the time."

"It's alright, Karkat. I wouldn't expect you to recover overnight. Things like that leave deep, deep scars." She paused for a while, waiting for Karkat to compose himself. When he was finished, she moved on to the less important topic: getting Karkat's elective chosen.

Karkat calmed himself using the techniques his therapist had taught him. When he was done, he looked up and started on the reason why he came: choosing an elective.

/

The bell rang just as Snowman finished entering his elective choice into the system. "Your elective is computer science with… a former DHS student, surprisingly enough. Mituna Captor. I think-"

"Yeah, his brother Sollux goes here. He's in my fifth hour."

"Well, that's good. It's time for you to leave I think."

"Thanks Snowman!"

"Remember, any time you need to talk… I'm right here."

"I'll remember that. See you around!" He left the office feeling lighter than he had in weeks, having finally wrapped up with Snowman. Looking toward the gate, he saw Kanaya waving at him. Waving back, he sped up his pace and caught up to her. The two began their walk home, discussing their sixth period.


	21. Night Terrors

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: If you read the previous chapter (20) before the 26****th**** of January, I have updated it since then. As always, enjoy and review!-Manic-Catastrophe**

The glass doors slid shut with a silent hiss, enclosing them in a small tube. Karkat had quickly learned that while they were riding the elevator, everyone was to remain silent. The rule was unspoken, and not really a rule at all, but he still assimilated Rosa's and Kanaya's habits with regularity. Surprisingly enough, Kanaya broke the silence after looking out over the darkening city.

"Mom is not going to be happy that you got in a fight with Equius. Even if you were defending yourself, that type of thing is not acceptable to her."

"Hey, he was holding me up by my throat! He would have _killed_ me!"

"I'm not arguing that. I think that you had every right to defend yourself from him. Also, I'm leaving it up to you to bring it up."

Karkat groaned in dismay. "Really? Can't we just let it slide?"

"If you think that hiding this is the best way to deal with it, go ahead. Just beware, she notices everything in detail."

Karkat made other noises of frustration, but soon fell silent. _Hmm, how's 'Hey, Rosa! A jock at school tried to kill me so I broke his nose!' No, maybe 'Hey look at these fancy markings on my neck!' Ach, that's stupid._ He continued his brooding silence until the soft chime of the elevator summoned him away from his thoughts. Startled, he was halfway out of the elevator when he realized that this was the wrong floor.

Kanaya hid her laughter when she saw Karkat fling himself back in the elevator, his face coloring as he turned to look out over the city. At first it looked like he was embarrassed, but as she turned she saw that the late afternoon sun was responsible. Apparently, the elevator had stopped on this floor because the wrong button had been pushed. The mistake was rectified and a few seconds later, they both stepped out onto their floor.

Karkat lagged behind as Kanaya stepped out into the hallway. "Are you coming, Karkat?"

"I will in a bit. I'm going to go up to the roof." He pressed the corresponding button on the elevator and was carried up. Kanaya thought about following him, but decided to give him some time before pestering him.

Karkat stood a few feet from the edge of the building, looking out to the west. _I just can't do this. It's hard to live like this. It's fine for people who know how to, but I spent the first fourteen years of my life living under a rock! _Scowling, he kicked a pebble and sent it dropping down the canyon of buildings. Still frustrated, he sat down on a bench. The metal was cool to the touch, even through his jacket, but he liked that.

_They expect me to put on a mask, to hide my feelings? They do it well. I can't! God, Karkat, you're such a stupid emotional train wreck. Grow a pair, how's that? _He sat there, head in his hands, feeling the sea of emotions churn in his heart. _You don't deserve this, Karkat. You have no right to intrude on their daily lives like this. Ugh, you're such a waste of space. Now look at you. You're hiding on the roof because you're afraid to tell Rosa the truth! How pathetic are you?_

He lurched to his feet suddenly, eyes full of determination. _Well, let them base their opinion of me off of the truth!_ He marched over to the elevators and rode one down to his floor. When he got to the door of his home, he hesitated. _Are you sure you want to do this? Yes._ He knocked twice and the door opened.

"There you are Karkat. Kanaya mentioned you went up to the roof for a while."

"Yeah, needed to think for a while. It's a lot to take in at once."

"I'm sure." She ushered him in and shut the door. "So, how was your first day back?"

_Well, that could have gone better. _Karkat was lying on his back with an ice pack wrapped in a thin towel around his neck. Rosa had not reacted well to the news. Instead of yelling and hitting him, like he half expected, she had only exhibited an air of… disappointment. In many ways, that was worse than physical abuse. When he had shown her the bruises on his neck, she treated it like it was a matter of life and death. Karkat had protested, saying that it was nothing. Thus, he was lying on his bed with what felt like a collar of ice around his neck.

"Karkat, dinner's ready!" Kanaya's voice called out from the kitchen. The smells wafting through the apartment were enticing, true, but Karkat wasn't very hungry.

"I'm not really hungry right now… could you save some for later, maybe?"

"Karkat, you should eat."

"I said I'll eat later."

"Okay…" the suggestion in her voice was clear: You'd better eat.

From that afternoon on, Karkat went up to the roof every day after school and nearly every night, too. Kanaya never followed him after school, but on nights when she couldn't sleep, she'd go up to the roof and he'd be up there. She didn't disturb him; she could tell he wanted to be alone then.

Karkat often would pace the roof, constantly in culture shock between then and his previous life. At least, that's what he thought they knew. Tonight, a chilly November night, aws no different. _I've been here for two months and I still am astounded by them. How can they be so lighthearted? How can they even look me in the eye? I don't deserve this. It's all so strange, I almost want to go back to the way it used to be…_

A familiar voice jolted him out of his internal monologue. "Careful what you wish for…"

Karkat froze in terror. Memories floated to the surface, still as sharp as the knife that made them. "Dad?" he croaked, his voice giving out. The insane grin he received confirmed his fear.

"Finally started using the pathetic mush you call a brain, have you?" the grin stretched wider, a knife appearing in his hand. "Now, if you make a noise, I won't kill you. Not immediately. I'll make you watch as I slit your pretty girlfriend's throat." He laughed as Karkat's eyes grew wide and he shook, partly from the cold, mostly from dread. "Then, after that, I'll stab her mom in the heart a few times. That'll be _fun_, won't it?"

Karkat's breath caught in his lungs. He pictured the scene and shuddered.

"And then, when both of 'em are dead, I'll let you fly. Right off the building." He laughed again, sounding even less sane than the last time Karkat had heard him. "But, that's only if you make noise. It's your choice, really."

Karkat nodded slowly, still mostly paralyzed by fear. His resolve was nearly broken when a foot shot out and kicked him in the ribs. He felt one crack, though not the same one that had been broken before. The force of the kick carried him to a few feet shy of the building's edge. He twisted to look at his dad again. He was kneeling right next to him, bringing his hand down on Karkat's arm. He remembered the pain all too well of having his arm pierced by a knife. This was worse. When the knife went in, his dad jerked it around, causing massive wounds to appear in his arms, limited only by the size of his forearms.

He could not scream, so he clenched his jaw against the pain. His dad gave a final laugh before shoving him the last few feet off of the building. Realizing that it made no difference now, Karkat screamed, in terror as much as pain. He saw the ground approaching him, and he knew that this was the end…

"Karkat! Karkat! It's alright, you're safe. Shhh, it's alright." Kanaya's voice woke him just before he made an unattractive red puddle on the sidewalk. He bolted upright, panting, batting Kanaya's hands in the process. He looked wildly around before seeing Kanaya was there. "Shh, calm down Karkat. It's just a dream."

"Dream?" he winced at the hoarseness of his voice. Looking down at his arms, he saw that they were still whole, albeit thin and pale. "I guess… it was a dream… after all. It was so real…"

Kanaya heard the fear in his voice, saw it in his eyes. It was even worse than it had been on the second day of school. She said nothing, just let Karkat lay back into her lap, where she resumed stroking his hair. Soon, his breathing slowed and his body loosened.

"It felt so real, Kanaya," He looked at her with wide eyes, "I could feel it…" he shuddered, rubbing at his forearms, "I can still almost feel it."

"It's just a dream Karkat, you'll be alright."

He sucked in a breath and let it out in a shaky sigh. "I was on the roof and he appeared behind me." Kanaya needed no explanation as to who _he_ was. "He threatened to…" he trailed off, his body wracked by sobs, "He… th-th-threatened to k-kill you two." He lost all coherence as he was consumed by fear and relief.

_He didn't say anything about what happened to him… interesting. He values us more than himself? Possibly._ She sat there comforting him, trying to get him to let her in.

Eventually, he regained some of his composure. "He said that… well… if I were to scream… that he would… kill you." Kanaya gasped in horror. "He said he'd start with you, making me watch as he slit your throat." He paused, his body trembling.

"Shhh, it was all a dream, okay? He's not out there. He's not going to find you."

Karkat ignored her and continued, "And then, he said that he'd stab Rosa through the heart. It felt so real, I thought it _was_ real."

"What happened to you? If you don't mind me asking?"

"Oh, n-nothing. You woke me up right after that."

"No, I am sure that something more happened. You were rubbing your forearms when you woke up."

"Dammit. He stabbed me through the forearms again, but this time he made the gash through the entire area between the two bones."

"Oh, Karkat, that's awful!"

"And then he threw me off the roof. You woke me up right before I hit the ground." He closed his eyes again, another shudder running through his body. "I don't want to go back to sleep, but I'm so tired…"

"It's alright, Karkat. I'll be here for you."

He smiled briefly, the motion momentarily wiping fear from his face. Then, he was asleep. Kanaya stayed awake for another hour before falling asleep where she sat.


	22. Thoughts On A Rooftop

Karkat slept peacefully through the rest of the night. Kanaya woke before him, and smiled when she saw his calm face. She shifted, trying to get into a more comfortable position. Her movements evidently woke Karkat, who began to stir. He sat up slowly, groaning from the stiffness in his joints and muscles. He twisted around to look at her and smiled.

"Thanks Kanaya." He turned the rest of his body towards her.

She reached out and patted him on his forearm. He flinched away from her touch, still unaccustomed to physical contact. This marked one of the first times that Kanaya had touched his bare skin, except for his hands. Its texture was soft, although interrupted by small ridges from scars. She held her hand there for a moment before breaking off the contact. The sudden absence flung the last vestiges of sleep from Karkat's mind, and he got out of bed.

"Well," he grunted, stretching, "It is time to get ready for school, you know."

Kanaya thought for a moment, and then laughed, "No, it isn't. Today's Saturday."

"Oh, yeah, you're right. Kinda lost track of what day it is." He sat back down on the bed. Kanaya swung her legs over the side to sit next to him. Almost instinctively, he put his arm around her shoulders. He was nearly her height now; eating consistently for a few months had done wonders.

The two sat there in silence for a while. She huddled into him, sharing their warmth in the chilly room. It was, after all, November. The only sound was their breathing, and that was quiet. No words were needed; they just sat in each others' embrace. Both were jolted back to reality when footsteps sounded down the hallway.

"Well, sound's like mom's up," Kanaya whispered, "But she has an important meeting in…" she looked at Karkat's alarm clock, "About an hour." This was a regular occurrence. Rosa was a very busy woman after all.

Evidently, Rosa thought they were still asleep, as it was only 8:00 in the morning. Both Karkat and Kanaya usually slept late on Saturdays. They heard various noises from the kitchen, then silence, and then the front door opening and closing. Karkat stood up then and walked to his door.

"Well, I'm going to go shower and stuff…" he ambled out of the room. Kanaya got up and went back to her room. Ten minutes later, she was walking down the hall when she saw Karkat come out of the bathroom, a towel wrapped around his waist. She had not seen his chest since the pictures that Dr. Meenah showed her. The scars were as prominent then as they were now. She averted her gaze, filled with compassion for him.

"Oh, sorry. Forgot to grab a change of clothes before leaving." He half ran to his room, trying subtly to hide the scars. Kanaya watched him go, seeing the deep, wide scars on his back re-affirmed her hatred of his father.

Karkat emerged minutes later, dressed and ready for the day. They ate breakfast while flipping through the channels on the TV. Karkat caught glimpses of shows before the channel changed. It showed a half second of a Jet Li movie, a sitcom, an advertisement, and so on. Eventually, they settled on a news channel.

"In other news, yet another victim of the mysterious 'Butcher' has been found." The newsreader declared, sounding bored, "This man," she gestured to a picture on the screen, "Was found covered in knife wounds. Authorities say that they believe they know who the killer might be, although the details are sketchy." The screen cut to a clip of an interview with Police Chief, Latula Pyrope.

"A few months ago, I personally investigated a case of child abuse. This isn't my regular practice," she claimed to an increase in the amount of hands competing for her attention, "but this case warranted… special circumstances. The victim there had been taken to the hospital earlier that day, but when we went through the apartment, we found a man we assumed at first to be the victim's father, but it was in fact, another victim. The wounds inflicted on the abuse victim's body are consistent with the wounds of these past five murders." The TV cut back to the anchor, who wrapped up the story.

"Oh, my God." Karkat was stunned. "So my dad has turned into a serial killer?"

"That's what the police think."

"It doesn't surprise me. When the EMTs showed up, he tried to kill them but got tazed. He usually treated other people pretty well to try and hide the fact that he was a psychopath. He must have… lost it when I finally escaped." They fell silent for a moment. Then, Karkat spoke again, this time in a different tone of voice, "In a way, it's my fault." Ignoring Kanaya's indignant gasp, he continued, "If I hadn't left, those five people would still be alive… I killed them when I made that call."

"No you didn't Karkat! Your dad did. He made that choice to kill people, he chose to abuse you, _he_ chose to blame you for your mother's death. It's not your fault. He made those choices." She stopped, panting slightly.

Karkat looked over at her. "Still, I feel like it was my fault." They fell into silence once more, though it was not a passionate silence. It was the silence where there is no one wanting to talk. It was broken by Karkat as he got to his feet, "Well, I've got homework to do, so I should get that done." He walked off, leaving Kanaya in the living room.

Hours later, Karkat stepped out onto the roof, relaxing in the cool breeze. He massaged his hand, cramped after writing for hours. Over on one of the benches, he saw Kanaya. He walked over and sat down next to her. "Phew, glad to be done with that. Lalonde can be a tyrant sometimes, huh?"

"Mmm? Oh yes, she is quite the taskmaster." She said this all quickly and sharply, apparently upset about something.

"Uhh, Kanaya?" There was no response, "Is everything… alright?"

"Yes, everything's just absolutely _perfect_!"

"No, that's not true. What is it?"

"It's _you_ Karkat. You won't let me in! I try to get you to open up, but I have to drag anything out of you! Do you really trust us that little?" She was crying, Karkat realized, crying in what could only be the pain of feeling rejected.

"No, no it's not that…" he affirmed, trying to put a hand on her shoulder. She shrugged it off. "I do trust you, Kanaya, I really do. I just… find it hard to just let all my feelings out after being told that my feelings are meaningless for fourteen years on end. It doesn't feel right."

"So why didn't you tell me this earlier?" she looked at him, tears brimming in her eyes again, "Why?"

Karkat's mind went fuzzy, but he felt his lips move nonetheless. "It never really felt like it was that important, to be honest." _She's so beautiful like this. I could just…_

"Karkat, it's been two months and you still won't open up! We care about you. Do you?"

"Of course I care about you! I love you two!"

"That's not what I meant, Karkat. Do you care about _you_?"

Karkat fell silent. _Yes!_ His mind screamed, but his mouth would not move. The silence grew, until Kanaya spoke again.

"That's the entire point of why you're here with us. You still don't value yourself highly, and so you don't want to trouble us with your thoughts and feelings, is that it?"

Karkat again wouldn't respond, but her words struck a chord within him. _Is she right? Of course I care about myself! _But half of his mind was already agreeing. _Look at you, Karkat. You made the first person that ever showed you kindness cry. How horrible are you? _That train of thought grew in power at Kanaya's next words.

"You're not being abused anymore! We care about your feelings, Karkat. You care about ours, but not yours. We love you… I love you."

Karkat buried his head in his hands, suddenly able to speak again. "I'm sorry, Kanaya. I didn't mean to make you upset."

"Still? Even now you won't open up!"

Karkat was grasping at straws at this point. "It's not that it's-"

"What, what is it? What is so important that you ignore your own needs? Please, enlighten me!"

"IT'S YOU!" Karkat was surprised at his volume. "You are so much more important to me, Kanaya. I can't stand to see you like this."

_What? _

"I love you, Kanaya. I literally owe you my life. If I hadn't met you, I would never have been able to call that ambulance. My mind places you on a pedestal. You're something to be admired. You're kind; you took me in when I had nowhere to go. You care about me, but I don't even know how to deal with that, so I try to send it back to you. I love you Kanaya, so much!" He fell silent, body shaking with emotion.

Kanaya sat in a stunned silence. _He won't open up to me… because he doesn't want to burden me with his troubles? That's… that's just not fair! He takes whatever I give him without complaint, but he thinks I can't handle his demons?_ Having worked out her thoughts, she tried to explain them to Karkat. "You think that I'm too weak for your problems? Is that it?"

"No, no! It's just… you always seem to have a heavy weight on your shoulders, figuratively, and I just don't want to add to it." He looked in her eyes, and she was shocked by the intensity of his gaze. "Do you understand?"

"I do, but I can take it! I want to! Just let me care about you!"

"I- alright. I'll try…"

The two sat in silence for a moment, before Kanaya turned and wrapped her arms around Karkat. "I'm sorry. I just can't stand to hear you blame yourself for your dad's crimes."

He made no reply, but he turned and returned Kanaya's embrace, clutching her tightly. They pulled back slightly; they could each see passion in each other's eyes. They leaned in, and before either of them knew it, their lips met. It lasted only a few seconds, but it felt like several years for both of them.

"I- I love you!" Their passionate voices declared in unison.


	23. Secrets And Regrets

Kanaya rode the elevator in silence. She was practically floating in ecstasy, her mind fuzzy with love. Karkat had wanted to stay on the roof for a few minutes, so she consented, still basking in the afterglow of her first kiss. The bell chimed and she walked out the door, hardly paying attention to where she was going. She didn't realize that she was walking until her nose bumped into her apartment door. Chuckling to herself, she unlocked the door and slipped inside.

Karkat paced the rooftop, the two sides of his mind at war. _She's so perfect! Everything about her is incredible. But you… you don't deserve her. She's far too good for you. Was she running away from you when she left? No! We heard her, didn't we? She said that she loves us! And we love her! But was she just playing along? Is she just setting you up for the biggest fall of your miserable, pathetic life?_ Karkat shook both armies out of his mind, focusing only on what he knew. _She loves me. I love her. _But yet a small seed of doubt remained, Karkat could not dislodge it.

He continued his pacing for a few more minutes, his mind relaxing from the motion. Soon, he too took the elevator down, though the silence in his was darker, more forbidding. He was out of the elevator as soon as he could be. His mood was considerably worse than when he had gotten in, and a dark cloud seemed to hover above his head. Before knocking, he arranged his face and posture into something more… appropriate for someone who had just had their first kiss. The door opened after about ten seconds, reassuring Karkat that Kanaya had not been watching the peephole, as he half suspected.

"Hey, Kanaya!" he put on a falsely cheery voice, trying not to let his anxiety slip through.

She moved out of the way, allowing him to enter. A wide smile was etched on her face, which was slowly turning red. The door closed and Kanaya broke the momentary silence. "Well?" she trailed off into a leading question.

"Well, what?"

"Well, are you going to talk? Or are you just going to stand there awkwardly?"

"Oh, yeah I guess I'll talk…" he walked over to the couch and sat down, formulating his response. Kanaya sat down next to him and took his hand in her own. "I guess… that I just find it difficult to believe that I'm actually… _here_, you know? Not here as in alive, but _here_, with you."

Kanaya gripped his hand, feeling how it was straining against hers. "It's okay to talk about this Karkat. It's natural. Just let it happen."

He smiled at her comforting tone and words and continued, his body and tone less stressed, "I just can't really, fully accept that this is for real. There's always some tiny part of me that can't believe that you're fully sincere. That this isn't some… elaborate trick… or something." _Oh good job, Karkat. Now you're going to flat out lie to her? You're disgusting!_ Yet he continued anyways, "I don't want to feel that way but…"

"You just are afraid that your dad will find you, is that it?" Kanaya finished gently, "And you don't want us to get hurt?"

Kanaya's insight shocked Karkat. "Y-yeah, I guess so…"

"And you aren't worried about what'll happen to you if he finds you?"

As much as Karkat wanted to disagree, he couldn't. He was completely obsessed with Kanaya. "That isn't as important. I know how to deal with him. You have no clue what it's like, and I won't let you ever know."

Karkat's seemingly brutal honesty shocked Kanaya more than anything he'd ever said. _He's so protective of me… I suppose it shouldn't be an inordinately large surprise, but still. Although I am the first friend he's ever had._

Karkat watched Kanaya go silent, fearing the worst. _Dammit, Karkat! You couldn't have phrased that in a less commanding way? _He started sweating, realizing that history might be repeating itself again. _I've always had to drive people who cared about me away. Now that I actually want this relationship, am I about to drive her away too?_ The silence between them grew in tension until Karkat had mentally consigned himself to leaving.

Kanaya finally broke the silence and stunned Karkat with her reply. "I think I understand now. You aren't hiding because you don't trust us; you're hiding because you don't want us to get hurt."

Karkat nodded, relieved that he could tell the truth in this matter. "I would rather go back to the way I was living before than let you get hurt. I would gladly do whatever it took to protect you."

"And you had to drive away everyone who cared or they would get hurt too. Right?"

Once again, Kanaya's insight surprised Karkat. "Exactly. I never told anyone because… well, two reasons. I wasn't willing to risk others getting hurt, and because I knew that dad would literally kill me if I did. He did a pretty good job of trying, too." Involuntarily, he tensed up, remembering the agony of his bones snapping.

Kanaya turned and embraced him, realizing that the time for words was past. Karkat held his arms at his sides for a moment, surprised by her sudden shift. He slowly brought his arms up and returned the hug, feeling both comfort from her love, and agony from his lying to her. He held her close, trying to work up the courage to say something, but he couldn't.

Eventually, they released each other. They each saw the love they had for one another written on their faces, but Karkat was presenting a façade, a lie made of truths and half-truths. He loathed himself for it, but couldn't bear to tell Kanaya the truth. She was far too precious to him. The agony of lying to her started eating at him, but he let no sign of it show on his face.

"I love you, Karkat. I really, truly do. Again, if you _ever_ need to talk, please don't be afraid to. That's what people do."

Her trust and belief in his lies made tears come to Karkat's eyes. She mistook them for tears of joy, and embraced him once more. Karkat got himself under control and returned it, before Kanaya pulled away.

"I've got to get my homework done now. But just remember, okay?" she smiled and patted his shoulder, then stood up and walked away, leaving Karkat alone. He stood up slowly, after she had gone, and walked over to the kitchen with his head bowed. _You're disgusting, Karkat. You lied to her and she believed it! How dare you?_ He slammed his fist into his head, punishing himself. Unsatisfied with his weak blows, he looked around carefully. Locating a certain drawer, he reached in and took out a certain object. _Are you sure you want to do this? Of course, stupid! You deserve it anyways!_ Holding the object in his hand, he walked to the bathroom and locked himself in.

Glancing at the sharp knife he carried, he pondered where it would leave its mark. _Not on the arms, someone would see it. My chest is already marked up badly, but it's also lost a lot of its sensitivity. _He decided on his inner thighs. They were relatively unmarked, and no one but him would see the wounds for a while. Gritting his teeth, he pressed the sharp blasé against his skin and pulled. The pain was less intense than he had expected, and with it came release. He felt some of his inner pain flow out with the blood, running down his leg. Noticing that the blood would leave notable stains, he took a washcloth and pressed it to the wound.

He repeated the process multiple times, each cut adding to his pain, but relieving his conscience. Karkat drew the blade once more across his thigh and looked at his handiwork. There were seven cuts along each thigh, the skin spreading them, making them look like gills. He suppressed a laugh at the thought. _There. You deserved those cuts, Karkat. You lied to Kanaya over and over and over again. There's your punishment._ He felt much better on the inside, and while his legs hurt when he stood, it was easily bearable for him. Using a few tissues, he wiped up the small bit of blood on the floor, wiped the knife clean, and then flushed them down the toilet. Then, he took the hydrogen peroxide in the cabinet and cleaned his wounds. It was almost blissful to feel it at work. _It's so much less painful than rubbing alcohol_. He took a roll of medical tape from his pocket (still a habit) and using strips of toilet paper, he bound his wounds.

Walking was a little painful, but again, he felt like he deserved it as punishment. He had washed the knife well, so he returned it to its place in the cabinet. Surprisingly, he felt good. The cuts on his thigh weren't too deep, but they still went through all three layers of skin. _Alright, Karkat here's the deal: if you don't lie to Kanaya, you don't need to do that again. Sound fair?_ He heard footsteps coming down the hallway, and he assumed his façade once more.

"Hey, Karkat! I'm going to make some lunch, you want something?"

"Hmm, maybe later, but not right now. I'm still good from breakfast." _Oh, great. That's one and two more. _He had absolutely no intention of eating lunch, he was hungry but he had no appetite.

"Alright, but make sure to eat. Mom's still worried about how much you weigh." Karkat gave a chagrined smile. For the first month Karkat had lived with the Maryams, Rosa had nearly needed to force-feed Karkat. He would eat, but only small portions. She had threatened to tie him to the table until he ate enough. When he asked what qualified as 'enough', she laughed and replied, "As much as I say." Now, two months later, he was still very skinny at only 105 pounds, but Rosa was satisfied "now that he has a bit of meat on his bones."

Karkat ambled around the area while Kanaya made her lunch. Eventually, he went back to his room, where he lay on his bed, staring up at the ceiling. Before he knew it, he was asleep.

_He stood in the Maryams' kitchen while Kanaya yelled at him. "Karkat, how dare you lie to me about that?! I trusted you!" She was weeping in rage, her face a dark red. Her anger hurt Karkat worse than anything he had ever felt before. It felt like his heart was being torn out of his chest, but he couldn't make a sound. She spun around from where she had been pacing and walked right up to his face. "I hate you," she whispered, "Get out. Don't come back!" She slapped him in the face. It echoed throughout the room, and the force of it threw Karkat to the floor._

_ With tears in his eyes, Karkat looked up at Kanaya, her face distorted by rage. "But… where will I go?" he asked, his throat choking his words._

_ "I don't care!" she hissed, "Go live with your dad, for all I care!" She kicked him once where he lay sprawled on the floor and walked away, her head held high._

_ "Kanaya, wait! Don't leave me…"_

"Don't leave me." He awoke to realize that he was not alone in his room. Kanaya had pulled him into a sitting position and had him laying partially on her, her arms wrapped around him.

"Don't worry, Karkat. I'll never leave you." She gripped him tighter, and whispered in his ear, "I love you, Karkat. Nothing will ever change that."

He twisted in her arms and wrapped his arms around her, sobbing. "I-I-I'm s-s-sorry." He could say no more, his body racked by massive sobs.

"What for? You've done nothing wrong." Kanaya put one hand on the back of his head and tucked it into her shoulder. "You're alright, Karkat. It's okay."

Karkat could not respond, only clutch her like a lifeline and sob. She continued soothing him until he ceased weeping. Eventually, he looked up, "It's alright Kanaya. Just a bad dream. Nothing to worry about."

"Karkat, just stop downplaying everything! What happened?"

He looked at her and gulped, then spoke, "It was… well… you. You said that you hated me and kicked me out." He suppressed the urge to start crying again.

"I would never do that to you, you know that." _Does he really think that I'd do that to him?_ "Just calm down, okay? It's going to be just fine."

"I KNOW it's going to be fine! It's just if your dreams felt just as real as I do now, and someone in your dreams were to hit you, stab you, or hurt you, would just wake up and think 'oh that's a bad dream. Sure am glad it wasn't real'? No! You wake up terrified that it _is_ real." He stopped, realizing that he was nearly screaming.

Kanaya looked at him with a pale face, "I didn't mean it like that… I just… you needed to calm down. I am never going to leave you, Karkat. Look at me," she grabbed his shoulders and looked in his eyes, "I love you, Karkat. Your dreams can't change that."

Karkat's terror and illogical rage suddenly evaporated staring into those emerald pools. "I'm sorry Kanaya. Sometimes my mind can be… cruel." He leaned away, breaking the embrace. Standing up, the pain in his thighs flared, but he gave no sign of it. "Thank you so much. For everything. You mean the world to me." He smiled, a more common yet still rare occurrence.

Kanaya got off of his bed too and walked to the door. "Karkat, remember: talk to me when you need to. It'll help." She left the room, not closing the door behind her.

Karkat followed her out into the hallway after a few moments. Kanaya turned and looked at him, a questioning eyebrow raised. "I'm going to get something to eat." His appetite had returned. He enjoyed a late lunch out in the kitchen, looking out over the city from the glass wall. As he ate the last bite of his sandwich, Kanaya sat down at the table with him. They said nothing, just held hands and enjoyed the beautiful view. No words were needed.

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: So, I want to wrap this story up by chapter 30. You might be asking me 'But Manic, how can you spread out the content to SEVEN more chapters? Oh, you'll see. There still is a bit more plot to go before the end. I have an epilogue in mind that I really want to spend a few days on. The epilogue will be Chapter 31, by the way. Thanks so much for the support. As of now, I will take suggestions from reviewers on what kind of story to write next. Desired genre: Hurt/Comfort. I want characters, issue (the Hurt), setting and setting names, etc. Please keep recommendations short (I want a list, not sentences please). Also, if I don't pick your idea, don't be offended. I'll pick the idea that has the most potential. Recommendations due in one (1) week's time + however long the epilogue takes. As always, enjoy and review!-Manic-Catastrophe **


	24. Lies Built On Truths

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: I do not know anything about coding and stuff. I am trying to use the correct technical terms and whatnot, but I don't actually know how it works. Please forgive any mistakes. As always, enjoy and review!-Manic-Catastrophe**

Karkat sat down in front of his assigned computer, right next to Sollux. He had caught up with the rest of the class quickly, mainly because it moved at a turtle's pace. Sollux had outstripped the school's curriculum years ago, so he was allowed to do pretty much whatever he wanted. These past two months he had taught Karkat the entire semester's curriculum, and begun to teach him in-depth about coding. Specifically about security programs.

Sollux had designed a unique system where non-spreading computer bugs examined each bit of incoming data before allowing it to pass. If it did find a virus or bug, the defenders would return down the network to its source, thus eliminating most viruses. He prided himself on this, as it was nearly impossible for anyone but a trained professional with a week of spare time to break through. The program was nearly unnoticeable, except when a virus had been found. When that happened, the program caused a burst of fireworks to pop up on the screen.

When their instructor had sent his viruses against Sollux, the virus was completely destroyed, except for the file it was written on. He was flabbergasted by its efficiency and efficacy. The viruses, he explained, were only supposed to open up a file that said 'Virus', but their decryption methods were stronger than the average bear.

"Sollux? Are you going to send me the security file at all?"

"Yeah, sure. Jutht let me finish thith one thing up." He typed a few lines into the document, his fingers a blur and the keyboard rattling. "Alright, here you go." An e-mail entered Karkat's inbox from Sollux.

"What'd you add to it?"

"I added in a function to thweep the computer for virutheth already there."

Karkat checked the file, and the new lines of code performed that exact function. "And the system already installed won't see it as a threat?"

"It might, if the program only thcanth for virutheth. If it lookth at the function of the program, it'll be jutht fine."

"Alright, thanks man." Karkat began reading the code file, amazed at how he could change the variables _here_ and _here_, and suddenly a virus that would freeze all incoming information and devour existing files. "Hey, Sollux," he nudged him slightly, "Do you realize that if I changed two variables, this virus could take the entire system down?"

"Yeah, I thaw thith viruth on Mituna'th computer and modified it thlightly."

"Well, it's an impressive system."

Sollux swelled with pride, and then got back to work on… whatever he was doing now. Karkat turned back to his own computer, and started running the Sollux's program. A firecracker popped on the screen, followed by another, and another. He counted fifteen in total. Satisfied, he looked at the instructor, who was looking at his own screen with his jaw catching flies. Right before the final bell rang, Karkat copied the program onto his flash drive, vowing to install BeeHive on his machine at home.

Karkat flopped down on his bed after walking home, the cuts on his legs burning from the exercise. Stifling a groan, he let his façade collapse. _Good job Karkat. Still being a lazy piece of crap I see. Always taking advantage of people._ He pounded his fist into his thighs, aggravating the pain. He felt the scabbed over skin twist and break. Little dark spots appeared on his jeans. He got up, the pain in his legs exacerbated by his motion and walked down the hall to the bathroom, where he replaced the bandages he had removed that morning.

Still feeling like it was not enough, he retrieved the knife from its drawer, careful not to make noise that Kanaya might hear. Returning to the bathroom, he drew the knife along his thighs again. _You are disgusting. _Slice. _You're a lazy piece of shit. _Slice, slice. _You take advantage of everything that you can. _Slice, slice, slice. _People care about you, sure. But you aren't worth it. You can't even accept their love._ As he internally abused himself, he lost track of what he was doing, but when the slicing stopped, he looked down and realized he had carved a word into his boy. Or rather, several words. They read: LAZY WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT. Blood dripped down the handle of the knife and his leg, flowing in a crimson river.

Moving fast and purposefully stretching the skin on his leg, he grabbed a washcloth and started wiping up the blood that had flowed to the floor. When finished with that, he wet a tissue with peroxide and wrung it out on the cuts, repeating the process multiple times. The disinfectant burned, but Karkat sat there, letting it do its work. _You deserve this pain, Karkat. All you do it take. What do you do for anyone else, huh? Take, take, take, me, me, me. That's all you care about, Karkat. You're a repulsive, selfish pig!_

The hydrogen peroxide gone, he bound his leg again, this time binding it as tightly as he could so that the pressure would hurt more. Limping now, he washed the knife and returned it to the kitchen drawer again. Right as he closed it, the front door opened, admitting a rather tired Rosa.

"Hey, Karkat!" Although she was clearly exhausted, she still sounded incredibly cheerful.

"Hey Rosa," Karkat had a difficult time assuming his mask of happiness again, "Long day at the office?"

"Yeah, it sure was." She practically threw herself down on the couch. "Leijon certainly doesn't want to work by Makara's rules. Or anyone's but hers, for that matter." She made a noise of disgust.

"Makara's your boss?" Rosa nodded in reply. "Huh, I think his son Gamzee goes to Derse."

"Really? That's interesting."

"I don't really hang out with him much."

"And why would that be?"

"He's a good-for-nothing stoner who somehow manages to ace every single thing he's given. He's one of those… ach, what do you call them… idiot-savant types."

"Sounds kinda like his dad. Kurloz sometimes shows up to work hung over. I think there's some problems going on at home. When he's like that, though… he carries empty beer bottles and uses them like clubs. Or he juggles them." She laid her head back on the couch and closed her eyes.

"Not to mention the fact that he's an insanely good artist. He does a lot of…" Karkat trailed off when he saw that Rosa had fallen asleep. He walked away carefully, not making any noise. His legs were in agony, so he walked with a pronounced limp down the hall towards Kanaya's room. Her door opened after he knocked on it twice.

"Hey, Kanaya. Rosa's home, but she's out cold. Work was exhausting from the sounds of it." He kept a neutral face, not betraying any of the conflicting emotions within him.

"That doesn't exactly surprise me for some strange reason. Her coworkers are a real handful sometimes, from what I've heard." She stepped out into the hall and started walking to the kitchen. "We're not making anything tonight since Mom is dead to the world. I'll just warm up some leftovers, alright?"

"Sounds fine by me," Karkat agreed, limping back to the kitchen.

Kanaya took immediate notice of that, "Karkat? Why are you limping?"

"Oh, that?" lifted his leg to the side, covering a wince at the pain, "It cramped up when I got home. Nothing major."

"Okay… but be careful. Cramps can tear the muscle. It might hurt for a few days until it heals."

"Thanks, I'll keep that in mind." _Not that I'm likely to forget it, what with me carving words into my damn flesh. I really am no different than dad…_ He shook his head, trying to get that line of thinking out of his head around Kanaya, but as could be expected, thoughts cannot be shaken loose.

Later, after dinner, Karkat returned to Porrim's old room to do his homework. Groaning in disappointment, he remembered that he had yet another essay to get started for Ms. Lalonde's class. This week's topic: Write a personal narrative about a time when you did something difficult. Include what motivated your decision, as well as what effects it has had on you life. _Well, that's a fairly easy topic for me. _He already had it fully planned in his mind, he just needed to transcribe it. _Well, when I called the ambulance, that changed my life. It still is._ He put his pencil to the sheet of paper and began to write.

An hour and forty-eight minutes later, Karkat had a finished rough draft that was the longest he'd ever written: nearly six pages front and back, written in his small, cramped cursive. His hand ached and the side was shiny with graphite dust (He writes left-handed). Reading through it, he was astounded by how unbelievable it actually sounded. _So you're telling me that you had just been half crucified, lost a quart of blood, had your torso covered in burns, and yet you still managed to get up and call an ambulance? Get real._ But it was true, and he knew it.

His thoughts shifted away from English and onto the rest of his subjects. He once again groaned in dismay seeing that he still had at least another hour of homework left. _You know what Karkat? Fuck you. You're so lazy. Just do the work!_ He proceeded to do exactly that. When he finished, he realized that it actually took him nearly three hours. He couldn't even muster the energy to turn down his bedcover, simply falling asleep was easier.


	25. How To Save A Life

_ Karkat stood in darkness again, paralyzed. The darkness was somehow fuller, more intimidating than before. A figure appeared out of the shadows, born from them yet not one of them itself. In its hand, it carried a very familiar silver knife. It smiled, and its smile was familiar too. It was not the shadow of his father though. Its build was shorter and slimmer. With a jolt of fear, Karkat realized that the shadow was him. With this realization, the shadow's eyes came into view, glittering darkly like crystallized blood. _

_ It stopped walking toward him when it was ten feet away, and instead turned, walking in a circle clockwise. Karkat could not turn his head, or even move his eyes, so when the figure got to the edge of his peripheral vision, Karkat began to be afraid. _What if it attacks from behind?_ As his shadow vanished at the three o'clock position, another figure appeared at the nine o'clock position. It too was a shadow, of sorts. Instead of being formed of darkness though, it was formed of light. It held a golden shield in its hand, and its eyes shone like rubies, their sanguine color dazzling. _

_ The two shadows circled him three times before stopping at the edges of his vision. The dark one stepped forward, its knife growing into a sword. "You know me," it spoke, its voice a deep rumble and a sibilant hiss at the same time, "I know you. I have been you. I know your heart, and it is as dark as I."_

_ Simultaneously, the light shadow stepped forward, though it spoke after the dark shadow. "I am a stranger," it intoned, its voice powerful and clear, "Yet I am growing. The dark one speaks lies. I am light, and I live within your heart. As long as I am there, darkness shall never overtake you."_

_ At this, the dark shadow laughed, another familiar sound, "You fool!" he shouted at the light, "He has no light within him. There is light around him, but the brightest light casts the darkest shadow. He cannot accept love, or kindness, or _joy_," it spat, "It's not in his nature. I am all he knows, and all he can know."_

_ The white wraith shone brighter now, seemingly determined to prove its dark counterpart wrong. "You lie! He already has begun to accept me; otherwise I would not even exist within him." _

_ The two stopped just on each side of Karkat. The dark shadow raised its sword and brought it down, attempting to cleave Karkat's head in two, but the light was faster. Sparks flew across the shield as the blow was blocked, and a horrible sound ensued, the sound of antitheses clashing. The malevolent spirit rained blows on Karkat, but somehow his benefactor blocked all of them. After a while, both sides slowed from exhaustion. The golden shield lowered, and in the brief moment his enemy's guard was down, the black shadow struck._

_ The silver blade laid open Karkat's stomach, but the white defender placed its hand on him, removing the pain. Slowly, the attacker wore down the white's defenses, until the shield was bent and ruined and its bearer kneeling on the ground. Chuckling, the swordsman once again raised its sword, this time to decapitate its white counterpart. Time seemed to slow as the shining blade made its descent. _

Karkat opened his eyes, his pulse throbbing in his ears. His head pounded and he felt the latest cuts he had made, this time on the soft skin of his belly. It was early December now, and his room was cold in the early morning hours. Glancing over, his clock read 4:46 A.M. He rolled over carelessly and then flinched at the pain of twisting his stomach. Try as he might, he could not go back to sleep. All he wanted to do was sleep. Quietly, he got out of bed and slipped on a jacket. His door used to creak until he had oiled the hinges, thus eliminating that factor.

He crept down the hallway, heart racing. Every shadow seemed to be the dark victor of the night's battle. He had been having that same dream every night for a week now; though this was the first time he had seen the outcome. Making sure that he had a key in his pocket, he slipped out of the front door, squinting in the soft golden light in the hall. Once inside the elevator, he allowed himself a deep breath to try to calm his nerves in anticipation of his decision. The ride to the roof was short, and the blast of frigid air soothed his frantic body.

He sighed in relief, his breath freezing in the air in a white cloud. The benches were far too cold to sit on, so he stood facing east at the dark horizon. Below him, the city slept, except for a small few cars navigating the steel and glass jungle floor, far below. In the canopy far above, Karkat stood anxious, contemplating his final choice.

_Karkat, now's the time! Do it! You do know that they only love you out of pity, right? Once that goes away, they'll turn you out. Oh sure, they say they love you, but it's really because you're so pathetic!_ Karkat stepped closer to the edge, peering over the side of the building. A sheer cliff made of ice and metal was below him, and under that, the hard, unforgiving ground. The only thing between Karkat and the ground was a three-foot high concrete barrier. He put his weight on it, leaning out over oblivion.

_Well, I guess this is it…_ He stepped up onto the ledge and spread his arms, like a young child pretending to be an airplane. Memories of his last few months flashed before his eyes, the first few months of his life. _I'm sorry… but I don't deserve to live this well. I don't deserve to live at all._ He closed his eyes and tipped forward, Kanaya's face fixed firmly in his mind. His ears were filled with the cold wind as he began his descent, until his face smacked into a window.

"KARKAT! WHAT THE… WHAT'S GOING ON?" Kanaya's voice seemed to catch him, or maybe it was her hand on his ankle. "WHAT THE HELL?"

Karkat was dragged up and unceremoniously thrown back on the roof of the building. He sat up, rubbing his face, utterly consumed by dread. His stomach tied itself in a knot, and his throat constricted.

"KARKAT, WHY THE HELL DID YOU JUST TRY TO KILL YOURSELF? WHAT DID WE DO TO MAKE YOU WANT TO JUST END IT ALL?" Kanaya's voice was already going hoarse, she was yelling so loudly.

Karkat couldn't speak, his terror suddenly melted into grief and he started wailing. This time though, Kanaya was too angry and terrified to comfort him, and he was glad for that. He was sick of wearing a mask. He sobbed on the roof, curled into a little ball. Eventually, Karkat felt Kanaya sit down next to him, her very presence calming him. "Y-you should get up, K-K-Kanaya. The roof's cold." He choked on his tongue, but Kanaya seemed to get the message, judging from her reply.

"And what about you, huh? You don't even think about yourself. You need help, Karkat. We're trying to help you, but you have to accept it. We thought you were fine. Where did this come from?"

Karkat curled into a tighter ball with every word she said, her sharp tone hurting worse than anything he'd ever felt. Kanaya continued to question him, her tone becoming frantic when she realized he wasn't responding. Eventually, she ran out of things to say and just sat there with him, rubbing his shoulder. He flinched away from her at first, shaking in self-loathing.

"Stupid… can't even kill yourself right…" Karkat's thoughts spilled out into his voice, shocking Kanaya. "They've given you everything you could want… still can't accept it… get over yourself, Karkat." He stopped, realizing that he was verbalizing his thoughts. He uncurled then, his jacket riding up his body to expose the fresh cuts on his stomach.

"Karkat?" Kanaya's voice sounded faint, "How did you get those?"

Karkat glanced down and saw what she was looking at. Face paling, he pulled his jacket down over them again. The silence grew, until he finally snapped. "I put them there." He answered in a quiet voice.

"But… why? I thought that you were fine. Why have you been…" realization suddenly dawned on her, "You were _lying_? This whole time?"

Karkat nodded, his worst nightmare about to come true. "I didn't know how to deal with all of this… new stuff. And I realized that I didn't truly want to. I'd gotten so used to living as I had that this change was so… drastic that I would rather… go back to how it was before."

Kanaya as dumbfounded. Karkat looked at her like she was about to attack him or something, but then she remembered one of his nightmares. _He said that he thought I was going to kick him out or something, in his dream. Now I know why._ "Look, Karkat. I'm not going to kick you out. You live with us, and we'll get through this together, alright?"

Karkat nodded miserably, not trusting himself to speak. Kanaya stood up and pulled him to his feet, then embraced him. He just stood there, not returning the hug or even acknowledging he was being embraced. _He's so cold… both physically and emotionally. Why didn't I see it before?_ Eventually, she released him, and he still just stood there, tears running down his face.

"How?" he asked, his voice raspy, "How can you still love me after this? I don't understand."

"Karkat, I love you no matter what. You don't seem to realize that though, do you?"

"I know you do… it's just-"

"No Karkat, you may _know _it, but you don't _believe_ it. There's a huge difference between them." She grabbed his hand and started pulling him towards the elevators. He did not resist, letting himself get pulled along like a small child. _And yet, emotionally, he is a child still. I can't believe I didn't realize that sooner. He doesn't believe me because he has no real experience with love. The only constant in his life up until three months ago was pain. Now that that's been removed, he has no idea how to cope, so he'd rather go back…_ "Karkat? How long have you been… well, you know… cutting?"

He seemed resigned to answering that question, "About a month now. I hated lying to you about it, so I just did it more and more as a punishment."

"Karkat! That's just awful! Why did you think that was a reasonable idea?"

He shrugged, "That's how dad used to punish me. I thought that it was the only way to make up for lying to you. It just got so bad that I… well, tonight happened. I-I'm sorry." His voice trailed off into a whisper. "But how did you know I was up there?"

"I saw you go down the hallway and followed you up to the roof. If I hadn't… well I'd be a whole lot sadder."

Karkat accepted her answer, and did not ask why she had been up at 5:00 in the morning on Saturday. They rode the elevator together, Kanaya holding Karkat's hand like a vice, afraid to let him go.

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: Yep, I'm evil. Enjoy and review!-Manic-Catastrophe**


	26. Aftermath

** AUTHOR'S NOTE: So, after re-reading that last chapter, I want to get a few things cleared up. First of all, the dream scene ended exactly where I cut it off. Karkat did not actually see the dark side of his mind win. Second, you are probably asking 'why does Kanaya always appear at the most opportune times?' She has something like a… sixth sense about him, like she knows he's going to do something. Finally, what's with all of the time jumps between chapters? Each jump takes the story to a point on the timeline where an important event happens. If it's confusing, YOU DO READ HOMESTUCK! It shouldn't be. Enjoy and review!-Manic-Catastrophe**

Kanaya released Karkat's hand once the elevator's doors were closed and the descent had begun. She was _not_ going to take any chances now. Fortunately, Karkat made no attempt to get away from her. Instead, he stood with his face pressed to the cold glass, as if trying to escape the tirade to come. He knew that he had disappointed Kanaya, and through her, Rosa, and that made him feel more miserable than ever before. Now that he had people that cared enough to _be_ disappointed, he wanted nothing less than to do so.

She wanted to speak, feeling his misery grow, but she could find no words to say. Fortunately, she didn't have to break the silence.

"I'm so sorry, Kanaya." Karkat's voice was muffled against the glass, but still understandable. "I don't deserve to be with you. You're so much better than me."

With the silence broke the block in Kanaya's mind, allowing her to speak again, "Karkat, don't talk like that. It's not true. I'm no better than you."

"Really? I don't see you trying to jump off the building now, do I?'

"Karkat," Kanaya groaned, "You know what I mean."

"I'm serious. I look at you and I see someone that, no matter how hard I try, I can never be who you need me to be…" he trailed off again. _While you're everything I could ever want._

"And what? What were you going to say after that?"

"It's not important, okay. Just meaningless ramblings."

"Karkat, stop it! This whole thing happened because you wouldn't open up! Just tell me!"

He looked at her resignedly, "Alright. I can't be what you need me to be, and it's unfair because you're everything that I could ever want."

"Was that so hard? Was it so difficult to say? There's no need for you to just hide any positive emotion you feel. And you are wrong, Karkat."

"What?"

"You're wrong about you not being enough for me. You love me, and that's enough. Unless you were lying to me about that too." As soon as she said it, Kanaya knew she had gone too far.

Karkat winced, seemingly shrinking in on himself. _Good job dumbass. You destroyed whatever trust she had in you._ "No," he whispered, as if trying to deny it to himself, "I wasn't lying about that. I love you Kanaya. I really do." He grabbed fistfuls of his hair and pulled, desperately hoping for something he thought was no longer possible. "I love you, I love you, I love you, Kanaya. I would rather go back up to the roof and jump off than lose you. You mean everything to me."

Kanaya stepped over to him and gently loosened his grip on his hair. "I'm sorry, Karkat, it just slipped out."

He batted her hands away and covered his face with his. "Don't apologize, Kanaya. I'm the one that should be apologizing." His hands made fists and he began beating himself around the head, "I'm just so _stupid_!"

"Karkat! Stop it!" Kanaya caught one of his arms, then the other. They struggled for a moment before he finally conceded. "You can't treat yourself like this."

He dropped his arm to his sides and looked down. "Why not? It's all I'm good for."

"Karkat, just stop it! You won't get any better if you keep thinking like that. It's not true!" She grabbed his chin and made him look in her eyes. "It. Is. Not. True." She wrapped her arms around him and pulled him close, shocked by how hard he was shaking. _He's so cold._

Fortunately, the elevator chimed and the doors opened. Kanaya released Karkat and they both walked back to their apartment. Karkat unlocked the door, he and Kanaya both slipping inside.

"I don't think Rosa has meetings today, does she?" Karkat whispered.

"No. That means she'll be up in…" Kanaya looked at the clock on the stove. It read 6:04 A.M. "About two hours. Do you want to go back to sleep?"

"No, I don't think I could. My heart's still racing."

"I can't either." She sat down on the couch and then patted the seat next to her, inviting him to sit down. He sat, but on the other couch, and removed his jacket. "Oh, come on, Karkat. Sit over here." He stayed where he was for a moment, and then got up and sat on her couch, though he still was a few feet away. Heaving a massive sigh, she scooted over to sit right next to him, their arms touching. "Karkat, do you _want_ to be alone?"

He looked at her instantly, face going pale, "No…" he whispered in horror.

"Because you're acting like you want to be." He stiffened, his back becoming straight as an arrow. "When someone offers you the seat right next to them, you should take it."

"Oh… sorry." He made no excuses for his behavior, he never had. Kanaya felt a strange mixture of respect and pity for him.

_His dad probably beat the excuses out of him a long time ago._ "Also, when you're sitting next to your girlfriend…"

"Oh, right… sorry." He put his arm around her shoulder, his skin cold on hers. She could feel the ridges on his arms. Pressed into the back of her neck was the worst one: the stab wound. It was two inches long and a quarter of an inch wide, but it was raised nearly half an inch above the surface. The doctors had told him that it probably would never fully fade, seeing as it was also a burn scar. The memory of getting it was seared into his mind.

"Karkat, you don't need to apologize for every little mistake that you make."

"Oh, sor- okay." They went silent, neither having anything to say. Just being around each other was enough. Karkat's stomach tied itself into a tighter and tighter knot as the time marched inexorably towards 8:00, the time Rosa got up on the Saturdays she didn't have work.

Eventually, the time came. Footsteps came down the hallway and Karkat braced himself for what was to come. Kanaya gripped his hand to calm him, and he was surprised when it actually worked.

"Good morning kids. What are you doing up so early?"

Karkat and Kanaya looked at each other. "Well…"

"I think that went well, under the circumstances." Kanaya tried to keep a positive outlook at all times, but Rosa's reaction had clearly tested her.

"You think?" Karkat's voice was slightly hoarse.

They had wasted no time in telling Rosa what had taken place on the roof. She had stumbled into a chair before responding. It was very similar to what Kanaya had been expecting, although Karkat was floored. She had not yelled. She did not go hysterical. Instead, she got up out of her chair and nearly suffocated Karkat. She was hugging him that hard. He made no move to get her to let go. Kanaya had to when she saw Karkat's face turning blue.

Karkat had been half expecting her to go into a fit of rage and send him packing, so her response left him speechless. Then, Kanaya pulled up his shirt to reveal the cuts he had made on his stomach. Rosa had questioned him about how long that had been going on and admonished him to stop, saying, "Your dad liked to do that. That's not something you will be doing anymore, alright?" Karkat had agreed, still surprised at her lack of hysteria.

Then came the questions. So many questions. Karkat had already answered most of them with Kanaya, but the constant talking left his throat sore. Eventually, Rosa had gotten up and given him another enormous hug. "Remember, talk to us when you need to. Don't go and… carve yourself up." She shuddered, "Don't hide your emotions. You shouldn't wear your heart on your sleeve, but don't deny your own needs to not add to ours. We can take it. That's what we're here for."

"Alright… thank you, Rosa. For everything."


	27. Old Traditions, New Experiences

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: I'm sorry for not updating for the past few days. Sunday, I was at a Super Bowl party (awful game), and Monday I had a lot of work to do. I will not be able to update every day from now on, but the story is almost finished anyways. Also, quick format change: Past conversations will appear italicized so to avoid confusion. Thanks for all the support! As always, enjoy and review!-Manic-Catastrophe**

Christmas. A familiar holiday even for Karkat, though like all holidays, he had never celebrated it. His holiday experience was limited to walking past decorated shops and houses, though he rarely stopped to look. Even he had a few less painful memories from Christmas. His dad never abused him on Christmas Day, and he usually had a good-sized meal as well, though for the last few years that had happened rarely. The entire process was foreign to him.

Since his attempted suicide and the resulting events, he had legitimately begun to recover. His new cuts had healed and left only small scars, and were not replaced by new ones. His dreams, while still disturbing and violent at times, no longer woke him up screaming. When he smiled, it made him want to smile more because the smile was real. Kanaya and Rosa noticed the change, and his newfound happiness quickly infected both of them.

The change was not complete or instant, however. He had relapses, as could be expected. Some days he walked around with a cloud of gloom around him. Those days, he and Kanaya would talk for about an hour on their way home about it. Both of them were grateful, because both were able to unload their struggles and pains onto their counterpart. Karkat's most prevalent issue was his lingering guilt over his dad's actions, still unable to remove blame from himself.

"Karkat, remember. His actions are not in any way, shape, or form your fault. His deeds are despicable, but they are his, not yours."

He looked over at her and smiled a rather sad smile, "I _know_ that, Kanaya. I just… can't really _believe_ it, you know?"

"I understand, Karkat. I still feel guilty for leaving that hospital room. The resulting events weren't my fault, but my absence allowed them to happen."

Karkat took Kanaya's hand, "You had no idea that was going to happen. Besides, I wasn't exactly… Well, you know."

They were walking down one of the main thoroughfares in the city. It was a windy, grey day and their moods reflected the sky. As they passed street front shops, Kanaya couldn't help but laugh when she saw Karkat's face light up like a child's as he saw the front window displays. Their grey mood was dispelled like mist as they saw the merry display of twinkling lights in both the shop windows and their street-facing side. Finals were set to begin the next day, but neither was worried. Kanaya was, after all, an impeccable student and Karkat had ascended to excellence by her example. _There is a lot to be said for role models, that's for certain._

Suddenly, an unsettling thought came over Karkat. "Hey Kanaya…?"

"Hmm?"

"Isn't it like… a part of Christmas to get friends and family gifts?"

"Well, yes it is, but you don't have to-"

"I know I don't _have _to, but I want to. You've given me pretty much everything I have, including my life. I at least want to get you something…" He let the implied question hang in the brisk air.

"Well, I'm not really into the girly-girl stuff like makeup and perfume," Kanaya rarely ever wore makeup, but nobody could tell because her skin was perfect anyways, "Although…" she trailed off in thought.

"I do know how you love chess," Karkat had learned quickly that Kanaya was a formidable chess player, and she had taught him the basics of the game. Kanaya looked at him and tilted her head as if to say "Well, you've got me there". For a moment, Karkat despaired, thinking that he still had no pocket money. Rosa had alleviated that problem quickly after his arrival, giving him an allowance, just like Kanaya.

_"Well, if you're ever going to go out into the world, you're going to need to know how to manage money. This way, you can set goals to strive towards." Rosa was still astonished at how little Karkat knew about life. _

_ "Well, all of this is useful when you're grown up, right? I don't think I would have reached 18 with dad…"_

Instantly, Karkat thought of a chessboard he'd seen in a fancy board games store display. It was more complex than the classic board, having more tiles and terrain that affected troop movement, as well as an increased number of pieces. It looked more like a real battlefield with real armies than a chessboard. He knew instantly that she would love it. As for Rosa… "Do you know what Rosa might like?"

Kanaya gave a sharp note of laughter, "She can be a _nightmare_ to shop for!" At Karkat's surprised expression, she elaborated. "She won't usually make known what she wants. So… improvisation is the name of the game."

They had reached their apartment building and entered by now. The lobby was taken up by a massive, heavily decorated tree. The smell of fresh pine needles saturated the room, so the tree was real. The doormen's uniforms had been augmented with a red ribbon across the shoulders and down the sides. The effect was quite striking. Riding up the elevator, Karkat caught glimpses of other floors, each one decorated uniquely.

His floor was decorated with sprigs of holly and wreaths on every door. The carpet had been covered up by a festive green and red doppelganger. With amusement, they both realized that the carpet was the exact shades of their eyes. Walking through the halls, appetizing odors had seeped out of the various apartments, creating a marvelous smorgasbord of smells. When they opened their door, a wave of warm air rushed out, saturated with the scent of chocolate and mint.

"Hey kids!" Rosa called from the kitchen, "Makara had us go early today. He also gave us the rest of the year off, even those who are out of vacation hours."

At the mention of Rosa's erratic boss, both teens chuckled. "Well, I do suppose it beats juggling half-full booze bottles, huh?" Karkat grinned wider at Rosa's snort of laughter.

"Yep, got that right. Although it is kind of fun when he spikes the coffee pot with Irish whiskey." She let loose a full throated laugh. "He only does it in the winter months, says it 'helps with productivity in cold weather'. I just think he enjoys watching the chaos. Still, no complaints here. That's good quality whiskey." All three were laughing hard, thinking about an office full of professional businesspeople, all stone drunk.

They got over their laughing fit soon, and Karkat and Kanaya went to go study for their finals. The next day was easy for the both of them, but the day after was going to be hard for Karkat. _Strider's and Lalonde's finals the same day?_ He groaned in dismay, then pulled out his Algebra notes.

By the time dinner was ready, Karkat could have sworn he saw numbers dancing in front of his eyes. Still, he felt he had sufficiently reviewed Algebra and was about to start on Social Studies when a tap on his door dissuaded his from that course of action. Also, the words spoken had something to do with it. "Dinner's ready!" Two words that worked miracles. Sighing in relief, he set aside his book and notebooks (yes, notebook_s_,) for Social Studies and got up, ready to eat whatever was producing the wonderful aroma.

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: Mostly a filler chapter, but still some character development. Does anyone else want to work for Makara? Also: I will update THIS chapter before the next one, alright?**


	28. TEMPORARY HIATUS

** Alright readers. I am afraid that this story needs to go into the temporary hiatus category now. I honestly need time to plan out the end to this story, and unfortunately, it might take some time. I do appreciate your support, and hope that you will understand my need to do this. Also: I AM NOT ABANDONING THIS STORY! It will be finished, but I cannot honestly say when. Again, I am sorry for the delay, but I have really run out of ideas at this moment (for this story). I am going to begin writing another story that you all can check out if you want to. It will be a Harry Potter fanfiction, the title is TBD at this point. I already have the creative juices flowing there, so please check it out. **


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